Pamela, Or Virtue Rewarded

'I am greatly concerned for him, I assure you: but I am not discouraged

by this ill success, let what will come of it, if I can serve you.

'I don't hear, as yet, that Mr. B---- is coming. I am glad of your hint

as to that unhappy fellow John Arnold. Something, perhaps, will strike

out from that, which may be useful. As to your packets, if you seal them

up, and lay them in the usual place, if you find it not suspected, I

will watch an opportunity to convey them; but if they are large, you had

best be very cautious. This evil woman, I find, mistrusts me much.

'I just hear, that the gentleman is dying, whose living Mr. B---- has

promised me. I have almost a scruple to take it, as I am acting so

contrary to his desires: but I hope he will one day thank me for it. As

to money, don't think of it at present. Be assured you may command all

in my power to do for you without reserve. 'I believe, when we hear he is coming, it will be best to make use of

the key, which I shall soon procure you; and I can borrow a horse for

you, I believe, to wait within half a mile of the back-door, over

the pasture; and will contrive, by myself, or somebody, to have you

conducted some miles distant, to one of the villages thereabouts; so

don't be discomforted, I beseech you. I am, excellent Mrs. Pamela, 'Your faithful friend, etc.'

I made a thousand sad reflections upon the former part of this honest

gentleman's kind letter; and but for the hope he gave me at last, should

have given up my case as quite desperate. I then wrote to thank him most

gratefully for his kind endeavours; to lament the little concern the

gentry had for my deplorable case; the wickedness of the world, first

to give way to such iniquitous fashions, and then plead the frequency of

them, against the attempt to amend them; and how unaffected people were

with the distresses of others. I recalled my former hint as to writing

to Lady Davers, which I feared, I said, would only serve to apprise her

brother, that she knew his wicked scheme, and more harden him in it, and

make him come down the sooner, and to be the more determined on my

ruin; besides that it might make Mr. Williams guessed at, as a means

of conveying my letter: And being very fearful, that if that good lady

would interest herself in my behalf, (which was a doubt, because she

both loved and feared her brother,) it would have no effect upon him;

and that therefore I would wait the happy event I might hope for from

his kind assistance in the key, and the horse. I intimated my master's

letter, begging to be permitted to come down: was fearful it might be

sudden; and that I was of opinion no time was to be lost; for we might

let slip all our opportunities; telling him the money trick of this vile

woman, etc. I had not time to take a copy of this letter, I was so watched. And when

I had it ready in my bosom, I was easy. And so I went to seek out Mrs.

Jewkes, and told her, I would have her advice upon the letter I had

received from my master; which point of confidence in her pleased her

not a little. Ay, said she, now this is something like: and we'll take a

turn in the garden, or where you please. I pretended it was indifferent

to me; and so we walked into the garden. I began to talk to her of the

letter; but was far from acquainting her with all the contents; only

that he wanted my consent to come down, and hoped she used me kindly,

and the like. And I said, Now, Mrs. Jewkes, let me have your advice as

to this. Why then, said she, I will give it you freely; E'en send to him

to come down. It will highly oblige him, and I dare say you'll fare the

better for it. How the better? said I.--I dare say, you think yourself,

that he intends my ruin. I hate, said she, that foolish word, your

ruin!--Why, ne'er a lady in the land may live happier than you if you

will, or be more honourably used. Well, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I shall not, at this time, dispute with you

about the words ruin and honourable: for I find we have quite different

notions of both: But now I will speak plainer than ever I did. Do you

think he intends to make proposals to me as to a kept mistress, or kept

slave rather, or do you not?--Why, lambkin, said she, what dost thou

think thyself?--I fear, said I, he does. Well, said she, but if he does,

(for I know nothing of the matter, I assure you,) you may have your own

terms--I see that; for you may do any thing with him. I could not bear this to be spoken, though it was all I feared of a long

time; and began to exclaim most sadly. Nay, said she, he may marry you,

as far as I know.--No, no, said I, that cannot be.--I neither desire

nor expect it. His condition don't permit me to have such a thought; and

that, and the whole series of his conduct, convinces me of the contrary;

and you would have me invite him to come down, would you? Is not this to

invite my ruin? 'Tis what I would do, said she, in your place; and if it was to be as

you think, I should rather be out of my pain, than live in continual

frights and apprehensions, as you do. No, replied I, an hour of

innocence is worth an age of guilt; and were my life to be made ever

so miserable by it, I should never forgive myself, if I were not to

lengthen out to the longest minute my happy time of honesty. Who knows

what Providence may do for me! Why, may be, said she, as he loves you so well, you may prevail upon him

by your prayers and tears; and for that reason, I should think, you'd

better let him come down. Well, said I, I will write him a letter,

because he expects an answer, or may be he will make a pretence to come

down. How can it go? I'll take care of that, said she; it is in my instructions.--Ay, thought

I, so I doubt, by the hint Mr. Williams gave me about the post-house. The gardener coming by, I said, Mr. Jacob, I have planted a few beans,

and I call the place my garden. It is just by the door out yonder: I'll

shew it you; pray don't dig them up. So I went on with him; and when we

had turned the alley, out of her sight and were near the place said I,

Pray step to Mrs. Jewkes, and ask her if she has any more beans for

me to plant? He smiled, I suppose at my foolishness; and I popped the

letter under the mould, and stepped back, as if waiting for his return;

which, being near, was immediate; and she followed him. What should I do

with beans? said she,--and sadly scared me; for she whispered me, I

am afraid of some fetch! You don't use to send on such simple

errands.--What fetch? said I: It is hard I can neither stir, nor speak,

but I must be suspected.--Why, said she, my master writes, that I must

have all my eyes about me; for though you are as innocent as a dove, yet

you are as cunning as a serpent. But I'll forgive you, if you cheat me. Then I thought of my money, and could have called her names, had I

dared: And I said, Pray Mrs. Jewkes, now you talk of forgiving me, if

I cheat you, be so kind as to pay me my money; for though I have no

occasion for it, yet I know you was but in jest, and intended to give it

me again. You shall have it in a proper time, said she; but, indeed, I

was in earnest to get it out of your hands, for fear you should make an

ill use of it. And so we cavilled upon this subject as we walked in, and

I went up to write my letter to my master; and, as I intended to shew

it her, I resolved to write accordingly as to her part of it; for I made

little account of his offer of Mrs. Jervis to me, instead of this wicked

woman, (though the most agreeable thing that could have befallen me,

except my escape from hence,) nor indeed any thing he said. For to be

honourable, in the just sense of the word, he need not have caused me to

be run away with, and confined as I am. I wrote as follows: