Pamela, Or Virtue Rewarded

Your distressed DAUGHTER.

LETTER XXVI

MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,

I did not rise till ten o'clock, and I had all the concerns and wishes

of the family, and multitudes of inquiries about me. My wicked master

went out early to hunt; but left word he would be in to breakfast. And

so he was. He came up to our chamber about eleven, and had nothing to do to be

sorry; for he was our master, and so put on sharp anger at first. I had great emotions at his entering the room, and threw my apron over

my head, and fell a crying, as if my heart would break. Mrs. Jervis, said he, since I know you, and you me so well, I don't know

how we shall live together for the future. Sir, said she, I will take

the liberty to say, what I think is best for both. I have so much

grief, that you should attempt to do any injury to this poor girl, and

especially in my chamber, that I should think myself accessary to the

mischief, if I was not to take notice of it. Though my ruin, therefore,

may depend upon it, I desire not to stay; but pray let poor Pamela and

me go together. With all my heart, said he; and the sooner the better.

She fell a crying. I find, says he, this girl has made a party of the

whole house in her favour against me. Her innocence deserves it of us

all, said she very kindly: and I never could have thought that the son

of my dear good lady departed, could have so forfeited his honour, as to

endeavour to destroy a virtue he ought to protect. No more of this,

Mrs. Jervis! said he; I will not hear it. As for Pamela, she has a lucky

knack of falling into fits, when she pleases. But the cursed yellings

of you both made me not myself. I intended no harm to her, as I told you

both, if you'd have left your squallings: And I did no harm neither, but

to myself; for I raised a hornet's nest about my ears, that, as far as I

know, may have stung to death my reputation. Sir, said Mrs. Jervis, then

I beg Mr. Longman may take my accounts, and I will go away as soon as

I can. As for Pamela, she is at her liberty, I hope, to go away next

Thursday, as she intends? I sat still; for I could not speak nor look up, and his presence

discomposed me extremely; but I was sorry to hear myself the unhappy

occasion of Mrs. Jervis's losing her place, and hope that may be still

made up. Well, said he, let Mr. Longman make up your accounts, as soon as you

will; and Mrs. Jewkes (who is his housekeeper in Lincolnshire) shall

come hither in your place, and won't be less obliging, I dare say, than

you have been. Said she, I have never disobliged you till now; and let

me tell you, sir, if you knew what belonged to your own reputation or

honour--No more, no more, said he, of these antiquated topics. I have

been no bad friend to you; and I shall always esteem you, though you

have not been so faithful to my secrets as I could have wished, and have

laid me open to this girl, which has made her more afraid of me than she

had occasion. Well, sir, said she, after what passed yesterday, and last

night, I think I went rather too far in favour of your injunctions

than otherwise; and I should have deserved every body's censure, as the

basest of creatures, had I been capable of contributing to your lawless

attempts. Still, Mrs. Jervis, still reflecting upon me, and all for

imaginary faults! for what harm have I done the girl?--I won't bear it,

I'll assure you. But yet, in respect to my mother, I am willing to part

friendly with you though you ought both of you to reflect on the freedom

of your conversation, in relation to me; which I should have resented

more than I do, but that I am conscious I had no business to demean

myself so as to be in your closet, where I might have expected to hear a

multitude of impertinence between you. Well, sir, said she, you have no objection, I hope, to Pamela's going

away on Thursday next? You are mighty solicitous, said he, about Pamela:

But no, not I; let her go as soon as she will: She is a naughty girl,

and has brought all this upon herself; and upon me more trouble than she

can have had from me: But I have overcome it all, and will never concern

myself about her. I have a proposal made me, added he, since I have been out this morning,

that I shall go near to embrace; and so wish only, that a discreet use

may be made of what is past; and there's an end of every thing with me,

as to Pamela, I'll assure you. I clasped my hands together through my

apron, overjoyed at this, though I was soon to go away: For, naughty as

he has been to me, I wish his prosperity with all my heart, for my good

old lady's sake. Well, Pamela, said he, you need not now be afraid to

speak to me; tell me what you lifted up your hands at? I said not a

word. Says he, If you like what I have said, give me your hand upon it.

I held my hand up through my apron; for I could not speak to him; and he

took hold of it, and pressed it, though less hard than he did my arm the

day before. What does the little fool cover her face for? said he: Pull

your apron away; and let me see how you look, after your freedom of

speech of me last night. No wonder you are ashamed to see me. You know

you were very free with my character. I could not stand this barbarous insult, as I took it to be, considering

his behaviour to me; and I then spoke and said, O the difference between

the minds of thy creatures, good God! How shall some be cast down in

their innocence, while others can triumph in their guilt! And so saying, I went up stairs to my chamber, and wrote all this; for

though he vexed me at his taunting, yet I was pleased to hear he was

likely to be married, and that his wicked intentions were so happily

overcome as to me; and this made me a little easier. And I hope I have

passed the worst; or else it is very hard. And yet I shan't think

myself at ease quite, till I am with you: For, methinks, after all,

his repentance and amendment are mighty suddenly resolved upon. But the

divine grace is not confined to space; and remorse may, and I hope has,

smitten him to the heart at once, for his injuries to poor me! Yet I

won't be too secure neither. Having opportunity, I send now what I know will grieve you to the heart.

But I hope I shall bring my next scribble myself; and so conclude,

though half broken-hearted, Your ever dutiful DAUGHTER.