Pamela, Or Virtue Rewarded

O how poor and mean must those actions be, and how little must they make

the best of gentlemen look, when they offer such things as are unworthy

of themselves, and put it into the power of their inferiors to be

greater than they! I took a turn or two in the garden, but in sight of the house, for fear

of the worst; and breathed upon my hand to dry my eyes, because I would

not be too disobedient. My next shall tell you more.

Pray for me, my dear father and mother: and don't be angry I have not

yet run away from this house, so late my comfort and delight, but now my

terror and anguish. I am forced to break off hastily.

Your dutiful and honest DAUGHTER.

LETTER XII

DEAR MOTHER,

Well, I will now proceed with my sad story. And so, after I had dried

my eyes, I went in, and began to ruminate with myself what I had best to

do. Sometimes I thought I would leave the house and go to the next

town, and wait an opportunity to get to you; but then I was at a loss to

resolve whether to take away the things he had given me or no, and how

to take them away: Sometimes I thought to leave them behind me, and only

go with the clothes on my back, but then I had two miles and a half,

and a byway, to the town; and being pretty well dressed, I might come to

some harm, almost as bad as what I would run away from; and then may-be,

thought I, it will be reported, I have stolen something, and so was

forced to run away; and to carry a bad name back with me to my dear

parents, would be a sad thing indeed!--O how I wished for my grey russet

again, and my poor honest dress, with which you fitted me out, (and hard

enough too it was for you to do it!) for going to this place, when I

was not twelve years old, in my good lady's days! Sometimes I thought of

telling Mrs. Jervis, and taking her advice, and only feared his command

to be secret; for, thought I, he may be ashamed of his actions, and

never attempt the like again: And as poor Mrs. Jervis depended upon him,

through misfortunes, that had attended her, I thought it would be a sad

thing to bring his displeasure upon her for my sake.

In this quandary, now considering, now crying, and not knowing what to

do, I passed the time in my chamber till evening; when desiring to be

excused going to supper, Mrs. Jervis came up to me, and said, Why must I

sup without you, Pamela? Come, I see you are troubled at something; tell

me what is the matter.