Onyx (Lux 2)

He shook his head, as if he didn’t hear me. “I should’ve done more. When he threw that damn knife at you, I should’ve stepped in then and not backed down, but I was just so damn angry.”

Tears built in my eyes. How could I still cry or think it would make any of this better? Some papers on his desk stirred restlessly behind me. “I was trying to protect you.”

He lifted his eyes, and they pierced straight through me. “You wanted to keep me safe?”

“Yes.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Not that it turned out that way in the end, but when I found out Blake and Vaughn were related, all I could think was that he played me—I let myself be played. And he knew how close we were. They’d do to you what they did to Dawson. There is no way I could have lived with that.”

Closing his eyes, he turned his head. “When did you know definitely that Blake was working with the DOD?”

It was the second time he’d ever said his name. That’s how serious things were. “On New Year’s Eve—Friday. Blake showed up while I was sleeping, and I saw Simon’s watch in his car. He says Simon’s still alive, that the DOD took him, but there…there was blood on his watch.”

Daemon cursed and then asked, “While you were sleeping? Did he do this often?”

I shook my head. “Not that I know of.”

“You should’ve never been worried about me getting hurt.” He stood, running both hands through his hair. “You know I can take care of myself. You know I can handle my own.”

“I know,” I said. “But I wasn’t going to knowingly put you at risk. You mean too much to me.”

His head swung toward me, eyes suddenly sharp. “And what does that mean, exactly?”

“I…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” he said. “You nearly destroyed my family, Kat. You almost got both of us killed, and none of this is over. Who knows how much time any of us have before the DOD comes? I let that dickhead go. He’s still out there, and as terrible as this sounds, I hope he gets what’s coming to him before he can report back to anyone.”

Daemon swore. “You lied to me! Are you telling me all of this is because I mean something to you?”

Heated blood crept across my face. Why was he making me do this? How I felt didn’t matter now. “Daemon…”

“Answer me!”

“Fine!” I threw my hands up in the air. “Yes, you mean something to me. What you did for me on Thanksgiving—that made me…” My voice cracked. “That made me happy. You made me happy. And I still care about you. Okay? You mean something to me—something I can’t really even put into words because everything seems too lame in comparison. I’ve always wanted you, even when I hated you. I want you even though you drive me freaking insane. And I know I screwed everything up. Not just for you and me, but for Dee.”

My breath caught on a sob. The words rushed from me, one after another. “And I never felt this way with anyone else. Like I’m falling every time I’m around you, like I can’t catch my breath, and I feel alive—not just standing around and letting my life walk past me. There’s been nothing like that with anyone else.” Tears pricked my eyes as I stepped back. My chest was swelling so fast it hurt. “But none of this matters, because I know you really hate me now. I understand that. I just wish I could go back and change everything! I—”

Daemon was suddenly in front of me, clasping my cheeks in his warm hands. “I never hated you.”

I blinked back the wetness gathering in my eyes. “But—”

“I don’t hate you now, Kat.” He stared intently into my eyes. “I’m mad at you—at myself. I’m so angry, I can taste it. I want to find Blake and rearrange parts of his body. But do you know what I thought about all day yesterday? All night? The one single thought I couldn’t escape, no matter how pissed off I am at you?”

“No,” I whispered.

“That I’m lucky, because the person I can’t get out of my head, the person who means more to me than I can stand, is still alive. She’s still there. And that’s you.”

A tear trailed down my cheek. Hope spread through me so fast it left me dizzy and breathless. The feeling was like taking a step off the edge of a cliff without seeing how far the fall would be. Dangerous. Exhilarating. “What…what does that mean?”

“I really don’t know.” His thumb chased after a tear on my cheek as he smiled slightly. “I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring, what a year from now is going to be like. Hell, we may end up killing each other over something stupid next week. It’s a possibility. But all I do know is what I feel for you isn’t going anywhere.”

Hearing that only made me cry harder. He bent his head, kissing the tears away until he caught each of them with his breath. Then his lips found mine and the room fell away. The whole world disappeared for those precious moments. I wanted to throw myself into the kiss, but I couldn’t. I pulled away, dragging in air.

“How can you still want me?” I said.

Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. “Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I’m insane. You’re crazy. Maybe that’s why. We just make crazy together.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It kind of does, to me at least.” He kissed me again. “It might have to do with the fact you finally admitted you’re deeply and irrevocably in love with me.”