One Dom to Love (The Doms of Her Life #1)
Page 23“Why were you in the alley the night Hammer found you?”
What kind of question was that? “Because I had no place else to go and the one behind Shadows wasn’t crowded with drug addicts and pimps searching for fresh meat.”
He grabbed her jaw in his hand. He didn’t squeeze hard or hurt her, but his grip let her know that he could. “Are you willfully misunderstanding my question?”
“No. Sir,” she added hastily. “If you want to know why I chose Hammer’s alley over another, that’s the reason.”
Liam sighed, and she sensed him re-gathering his patience as he released his hold on her jaw. “Let’s try again, then. Why, at seventeen, were you spending the night in an alley rather than under your parents’ roof?”
“I ran away. I was making the situation there worse, according to my dad. So I left.”
Those were some of the hardest words she’d ever spoken. Funny how the awful man’s rejection still had the power to hurt her years later. She needed to get over it, but Raine had discovered telling herself that logically and actually being able to do it weren’t the same thing.
And on top of Hammer’s rejection… It was like a can being crushed, then recycled, only to be crushed again.
Her breath hitched as she choked back a sob. Crap, she’d been a teary mess all morning. Maybe she really should just move on. This wouldn’t be the first time she’d lost her place in the world. She’d survived after leaving home and found something better. Maybe she could do that again. One door had closed, then she’d opened another, right?
Right. But Hammer had been the first man to break her heart. Getting over that and the loss of home at once wouldn’t be easy.
“I believe that’s how you see the situation,” Liam murmured softly.
She leaned forward to lay her cheek on the bed, but found his thigh instead. The human comfort was too much to resist, even knowing that giving him control now only gave him the power to hurt her later. But when he started softly stroking her hair, she couldn’t resist nuzzling him a bit more.
“That’s a good lass.” He caressed the side of her face with his fingers, then nestled them at her nape and lifted her face to him. “Mouth open.”
Dutifully, she complied. The sinful flavor of that good dark chocolate burst over her tongue. She moaned long and low, smacking her lips.
Suddenly, Liam bent and took her mouth in a ravaging kiss, stealing inside and ransacking, taking her tongue. Immediately, she tasted the roast beef, pineapple, and wine in his kiss. Then they shared the chocolate flavor, and he ate at her mouth hungrily before suddenly lifting away.
“Watching you eat is a sensual experience, especially when I give you that chocolate. Christ, you make a man hard.”
Raine felt a happy little flush crawl up her cheeks.
“What’s your favorite, gold or silver?”
She got the game now. Innocuous questions followed by zingers. One was supposed to lull her into false comfort before he hit her hard. The food either rewarded or punished her, depending on how completely and honestly she answered.
Well, hell. She had to give Liam credit. It was damn clever. He could dig into her psyche while he established his control over her, all without laying a single swat anywhere on her bruised body. She was so used to Hammer, who was all glowers and demands, all thunder, and strict, and as subtle as his moniker. Liam was good with misdirection and confusion. He coaxed. He would sneak under her defenses if she wasn’t careful.
Raine cleared her throat. “I like gold and silver. Why choose?”
He tapped the end of her nose with his finger affectionately. “I shouldn’t have expected a different answer. Why, indeed? You’d look stunning in either.”
Maybe he meant it. Maybe he didn’t. But she could get used to compliments like that. “Thank you, Sir.”
He brushed something slightly textured and sweet over her bottom lip. She smelled the pineapple and opened her mouth automatically, allowing him to plop it on her tongue.
“Very nice, lass. You’re coming along and pleasing me.”
The praise warmed her. It shouldn’t, really. God, she’d only given him a common courtesy and eaten a bite of fruit. But Raine knew the drill. He was pleased because she’d called him Sir and because she’d trusted him enough to eat willingly from his hand without being told.
Even so, she couldn’t deny that his kind words made her glow. She smiled at him, and in return, he brushed a little kiss over her mouth.
“How sorely you tempt a man…” he groaned, then popped a piece of the roast beef on her tongue. He followed that with another, then gave her a pinch of bread and some wine to wash it all down.
The warmth seeped deeper in her bones. She could really get to liking this game as long as it stayed friendly.
“What’s your happiest memory?”
The question flicked across her skin like a knife so sharp she almost didn’t feel the cut. God, she hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on this in years. It made the hell of the next decade that much worse. But she also hated the thought of Liam imagining that she was just a miserable woman whom no one in her life had ever wanted. Useless, discarded, forgotten.
“When I was six, my parents sent me to spend the holidays with my grandparents in Wisconsin. Just me. There was a big tree, and Grandpa lifted me up to put the star on top on Christmas Eve. There was snow. Grandma baked, and the house always smelled heavenly.”
“Does baking now calm you because it reminds you of that time?”
Raine froze. She hadn’t thought of it quite like that, but when she baked, she could close her eyes and be transported back to the moment she’d first awakened in the big, warm bed they’d given her and everything smelled like cinnamon and yeast and happiness.
“Maybe… Yeah, I guess.”
His thumb slid over her bottom lip, and she parted, opening for him without thought.
“Lovely, lass.”
More chocolate. It sat on her tongue, sweet and firm, until she sucked at it. Slowly, it broke apart and melted inside her mouth, making her taste buds sing.
“That is the best chocolate ever. I would eat that all day, every day, if I could.”
“And give yourself a stomach ache.” He chuckled. “Probably best if I dish it out to you a bit at a time. Don’t you think?”
Probably. Otherwise, she could outgrow her entire wardrobe fast.
She wrinkled her nose. “It pains me to say it, but you’re probably right, Sir.”
“That’s a good girl.”
He fed her a bit more of the roast beef and pineapple. As far as he tipped the glass up, it seemed as if she’d finished the wine. The relaxation curling through her seemed to suggest that, too. The smile on her lips was probably a bit too happy for the moment, but it was as if getting away from Shadows for a bit, then having a good cry and a good meal with a man who seemed to care about her was cathartic. She felt a bit lighter, her soul not so weighted down with regret. She still had plenty, of course. But at least now it might not drown her.
“What happened to you as a child, Raine?”
The question came out of nowhere, like a heavyweight’s punch to the stomach. Raine gasped, couldn’t breathe. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. She got to one knee, then leapt to her feet, backing away from Liam.
“No!” She shook her head frantically, well aware that she couldn’t see him or anything else. But she’d rather risk bodily injury than answer that question. “If you want to know, ask Hammer. That’s the last time I’ve spoken of it, at least to anyone important. And it’s the last time I will.”
She sensed Liam’s closeness before he grabbed her arm. His grip wasn’t harsh, but it was unyielding.
He growled in her ear. “I didn’t give you permission to rise. Back in front of the bed, on your knees.” He jerked her in place again, guiding her so she didn’t stumble. The carpet was even still warm beneath her knees. “And I won’t be asking Hammer a damn thing. You will tell me yourself.”
The hell she would. Raine tightened her mouth mulishly. He wasn’t getting her to talk. And he wasn’t shoving more pickles in her mouth.
“Do you understand?”
“I’m too tired for this heart-to-heart.”
“Answer my question and I’ll let you sleep.”
No, once she gave him this answer, he’d just keep digging into her psyche. He’d want details. He’d want to know how she dealt with it all. He’d want the stuff she hadn’t even shared with Hammer.
“Ask me anything else.”
“No. I’ve asked what I wished to know.”
Panic welled inside her. “Don’t I get a safe word around here?”
“You always have one,” Liam assured. “It hasn’t changed. But I’m not hurting you.”
“You are!”
“Think carefully about that. Mental discomfort aside, am I physically hurting any part of your body?”
No. But she couldn’t just shit out all of her crappy past like she had verbal diarrhea. Instead, she tugged at her arm. “Your grip is tight.”
It wasn’t, but she had nothing else.
He paused for a long minute, then loosened his fingers just a touch. “Am I hurting you now?”
Raine listened to his voice drop even lower. He’d chosen his words very carefully. His tone itself was a warning. He was about at the end of putting up with her, and he’d probably only let her get this far because he felt sorry for her. Poor dumb, broken-hearted girl, too fucked up to be honest… That’s what he had to be thinking. It made her sick. But she didn’t know how to change.
“No, Sir,” she muttered.
“Good. Let’s be clear. I’m not letting you put up more walls between us. Do you understand me?”
God, he was so patient. Could he just get mad and scream at her already? She could ignore that. But he never once raised his voice…and he still managed to get his point across with as much subtlety as a neon billboard.
“I expect you to answer me now. What happened to you as a child?”
She flinched at the question. A thousand images rushed her all like a fist to her psyche. She shook her head, fighting tears. She’d rather take her punishment than open up this can of worms. After all, it’s not as if this would be the first time she’d endured.
“Just spank me and get it over with.”
“While you’re bruised? While you’re hurting?” His voice was so gentle now, it was like an ice pick straight to her chest. He shoved it in deeper as he stroked her hair. “No. I have no wish to cause more pain. Nor will I give you an easy excuse to defy and resent me. There’s a lovely reward for you, if you’ll just trust me.”
More chocolate? But even for that, she wouldn’t answer his question.
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
“Me, too,” he said with regret, then he grabbed her hair and tugged. Her head snapped back. Her mouth fell open.
He slid a big chunk of pickle on her tongue and pushed the heel of his palm under her chin, forcing her mouth closed.
Raine’s taste buds protested loudly. Her eyes watered.
“Chew,” he demanded. “You’re going to eat it.”
Crap, there was no escape. She couldn’t get out of his grip without losing a chunk of hair and she couldn’t open her mouth to spit it out.
Quickly, she chewed it into large chunks and forced herself to swallow them down. But the pieces were still too big, and she choked. Liam let go of her hair immediately and braced one hand around her waist. The other slapped her between the shoulder blades. The last of the terrible pickle slid down, but that vile taste lingered on her tongue.
“You can’t make me tell you.”
Behind her, he froze. Slowly, he withdrew his hands from her. Instantly, she felt cold, alone.
Raine felt more than heard Liam sit on the bed. “You’re right. I can make your life unpleasant enough until you want to, however.”
“A steady diet of pickles will only make me puke.”
“It might. I’ll hold your hair and aim you over the toilet.”
Was he kidding? “That’s disgusting.”
“It’s not my first choice, but if that’s what it takes…” She sensed that he shrugged. “You seem to think of me as the enemy. What have I ever done to make you believe I would hurt you?”
Nothing. In fact, if anything, he’d gone out of his way to earn her trust, rather than simply trying to take it.
“Whoever hurt you in the past… I’m not one of them, lass.”
Her shoulders drooped. Raine couldn’t see anything, but if she could, she’d be looking at nothing but floor.