Once Bitten, Twice Shy

They cleaned up the mess and then stood in awkward silence, watching Brutus. Finally Alex spoke.

“I changed my flights and I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m going to leave my truck here so you’ll have something to drive.”

“That isn’t necessary. I can . . .”

“It is necessary and I don’t want an argument. I’m going to be out of the country for a while, so I won’t need it. When I get back, we’ll discuss this thing again. I think we both need more time to consider what we want to do. It isn’t like we don’t love each other.” He gazed down at her inquiringly. “Is it?”

She met his gaze and felt drawn by the warmth. Unable to trust her voice, she merely shook her head.

A slight smile touched the corners of his mouth. “Then you agree to give it some more thought?”

She nodded and cleared the lump from her throat. “I’ve been praying and praying, but I don’t get an answer. I don’t know what to do.”

He tucked his thumbs in his hip pockets and turned away from her.

“When Tessa left me I prayed every night that she would come back. I was angry about what she had done, but I couldn’t let loose of her. Then I was angry with God for ignoring my prayers.”

He scraped the toe of his boot across the floor.

“It took me a couple of years to realize God hadanswered my prayer the first time. He said no.”

He lifted his gaze to her intent face. “I couldn’t see the future, so I thought there wasn’t one. I don’t want to waste any more time second-guessing God. He brought me to you for some reason. He made me love you for some reason. I can’t believe it was to make you unhappy.”

His words were like a ray of sunshine through the window on a cold winter morning. At first they only brightened her heart, but as they continued, they gradually chased the chill away. Was God sending her a message? Was she being greedy - insisting on having everything? Without Alex, she might never be truly happy. Without children she might never be truly happy. Must she choose? This very moment she would choose Alex - but what about twenty years from now, when it was too late to have children? Would she be sorry? Feel trapped? What if their marriage wasn’t successful and she lost both?