On the Plus Side

All that time she was a rich heiress and I was just a dirty garage boy. There I was thinking I could do right by her and make her happy, when the truth was she needed nothing from me.

“I can’t believe this…”

“Devin, she loves you. She’s hurting and I’m going to do something, for once in my life, that’ll make her happy. I’m going to do exactly what she asked me not to and I’m going tell you where she is.” She stopped and took a breath.  “She was making a stop at Franklin’s to quit her job, and then she’ll be staying at our beach house for few weeks until things blow over. That’s where you’ll find her.”

She leaned over and scribbled something on a piece of paper then handed it to me.

“Here’s the address. Go make her happy.” She smiled sadly.

In no time, I was in my car. I had to make one stop and then I was headed to the beach to get the love of my life back.

Thirty-Two

Priceless

I’d never spoken to my mother the way I did when I got to her house. After leaving Devin’s, I went straight to her. I’m pretty sure I broke a few antique vases and I’m almost positive I told my mother I never wanted to see her face again.

She asked for forgiveness. Everyone wanted forgiveness. Everyone thought it was OK to play with my life; they thought I’d just get over it and move on. News flash! I didn’t need any of them! I had my own daughter on the way and I’d make sure to always make her feel like she was good enough. No matter what she’d know she was a miracle.

“Did you think I was incapable of finding someone on my own? What made you think you needed to pay someone to be with me?” My screams echoed off the marble floors of my mother’s foyer.

“I wasn’t thinking! I only wanted to make you happy, Lilly. I saw the way you looked at that couple that day in the café and I knew that no matter what I had to do, I’d make that happen for you because you deserve it!”

“But you paid him, as in prostitution! It wasn’t real, Mom! It doesn’t count if it’s not real! He was pretending that he cared about me and now I’m in love with him! How do you think that makes me feel?” Tears rushed down my cheeks. “Am I that disgusting to you? Have I ever been anything that you could be proud of?” The dam had broken.

Years of not feeling good enough and being picked on came crashing over me. I cried so hard my chest burned. My words were coming out in sobbed screams. I cried because no matter what, I was never able to make my mother proud. I cried because I’d given all of me to a man who was pretending, and I cried because in less than six months I’d have to see his face every time I looked at my daughter.

“Disgusting?” she asked breathlessly. “Lilly, you’re so much more than my daughter to me. You’re all I have. You’re the only person in the world who cares about me. You’re my best and only friend. I’m sorry if I don’t know how to show you these things. I’m sorry if I seem like a cold, heartless bitch, but it’s all I know. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I have a safe in my room with every craft you ever made me and every award you ever won. No mother has ever been more proud of her daughter.”

For the first time in my life, my mother’s bitch exterior cracked and she cried. We reached a new level in our mother, daughter relationship and even though I didn’t forgive her, I understood better. While I would never go about it the same way she did, I know I’d want the same thing for my daughter, complete and total happiness.

I’d tell her about the baby at some point. Too much had happened and I wanted to take some time to gather my thoughts first.  We had a long road ahead of us, but she was still my mother. She was trying to do right by me in her own little way, even though it was the wrong way.

“I’m going to quit my job, and then I’m going to go stay at the beach house for a while. I need time, Mom, but I need you to do something for me.” I dug into my purse and pulled out the paper I had drawn up earlier that morning.

It was the deed to Devin’s house and garage. It was paid in full and in Dad’s name. It was sad that a single piece of paper was the reason behind all of my pain, but I couldn’t hate it. Some good had come out of the situation and as much as I wanted to hate my mother and Devin both for what they’d done to me, they still did something for me as well. I’d have that something wrapped in a pretty pink blanket in the near future.

“Make sure Devin gets this.” I handed her the paper. “And don’t tell anyone where I am. I’ll be back to get my life in order soon.”