On the Plus Side

He handed me a rag and I started wiping the oil off of my face and arms. What the hell was the matter with me?

“You know you need to just break down and call that gal. You been screwing up things around this garage for two days now. I can’t afford to keep ya around, boy.” He smiled his secret smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I started throwing around nuts and bolts and cleaning up the oil.

“It’s OK to admit that you miss her. Don’t be an ass like I was. What’d you do anyway?”

“Why do you automatically assume that I did something? Don’t you have any faith in me?”

“Oh come on, boy, that girl couldn’t hurt a fly. Matter of fact, she’s pretty damn close to perfect, ain’t she? Shoot, I’d scoop her up before someone else did, that’s for damn sure. Don’t be a fool, Devin.” He walked back to the truck he was working on and didn’t say another word.

He was right. He usually was, but I couldn’t do it. I love her and I have to make it go away. It was my way of protection. Never again would I be left the way I was when I was young. Never again would another female leave me heartless the way my mother did.

There’s no other way to it, women leave. They love you and then they leave. I can’t let that happen. So, I’m leaving Lilly alone, before she breaks me down even more.

“Dad, I’m gonna take off for a few days. Maybe head down to spend time with Alex in Jacksonville. I just need some time to think. You think you could hold it down here while I’m gone?”

“I held this place down for many years before you came along. I might be old, but I think I can handle things around here without you.” He huffed and went back to work. “But you can’t outrun it, no matter how fast you run.”

I ignored him and went inside to get a quick shower. Right after that I was on the phone with my cousin, Alex, who I hadn’t seen in three years, followed by packing a few things in my black-suit case.

An hour later, and after telling Jenny I’d be back in a few days, I was out the door and in my car on the interstate headed to Florida. It might seem extreme, but I needed a vacation. I needed time to think about what the hell I was doing.

I drove in silence until I was half way through Georgia. I turned my cell phone on silent and just drove. So many things went through my mind. So many things kept eating at me: Losing the shop, the only home I’d ever known, and Lilly, the only woman to ever steal my heart. Without even doing anything, without even realizing it, Lilly broke my heart and it wasn’t even her fault. It was my fault.

I’ve left many broken hearts in my tracks and honestly I never thought twice about it. Now, for the first time in my life I was sorry for the things I’d done. I was sorry if I’d ever made anyone feel any kind of pain. The worst part was that I took something from Lilly I could never give back. I took her virginity when I didn’t deserve it. I was thief! I was a sick, perverted, selfish man who deserved all the pain I felt right then.

I made it to Alex’s place in no time. I brought in my black suitcase and then we grabbed a quick bite at a small restaurant. The small family reunion of just me and Alex was continued at a bar down the street from his apartment. I drank so much that I don’t even know how we made it back to his place.

I woke up the next morning with the worse hangover I’d ever had in my life. I couldn’t even get off of the couch. I had relaxed there for about an hour with a pounding headache when I started to smell bacon.

“Hey, Dev! You up, bro? I’m cooking a quick breakfast!” Alex yelled across his small one-bedroom apartment.

Each syllable banged inside my head causing the ache to get worse. I rolled off the couch and suddenly felt nauseated. It made me wonder how the hell Dad did it every day.

I dragged myself into his kitchen and fell into a chair.

“Could you not yell anymore, please?” I rubbed my temple.

Alex sat a beer in front of me and the smell of it made my stomach roll.

“Bite the dog, bro, it’s the only way.”

I pinched my nose and downed the beer as quickly as I could. Then I devoured the greasy bacon and eggs that Alex threw on a broken plate for me.

“So—to what do I owe the honor?” Alex asked as he relaxed against the kitchen counter.

“Just needed a break,” I bit off another piece of the bacon, which was surprisingly settling my stomach a bit.

“A break, huh? Seems to me you were doing more than taking a break last night. I know my family, and I’d say you were drowning some sorrows, and I do mean drowning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone drink that much in my life.”