On the Plus Side

“Holy shit, Lilly, you have to stop,” I practically yelled. “I need to go…oh shit...I need to go.” Her hand felt so good.

“No!” She growled though her teeth as she rolled me onto my back and straddled me. I love it when a girl takes charge and having Lilly do it was fucking hot.

“Tell me you don’t want this, Devin. I want to hear you say you don’t want me. Say it, and I promise I’ll never touch you again.”

She began to move back and forth like a pro. The friction was too much to bear.

“I can’t…I don’t…” The words were stuck in my throat. Nothing I wanted to say would come out.

“I can feel that you want me,” she said as she pressed her body down against my hardness. “Just tell me that you don’t want this and I’ll walk away right now.”

There was something different in her voice. There was some sound I’d never heard before. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was definitely different. I reached up with both hands to touch her face. The wetness beneath my fingers told me exactly why she sounded so different.

“Are you crying?” I asked. My heart stopped and all the blood left my brain.

“I don’t cry.” She swiped roughly at her face. “You know that better than anyone…you know me better than anyone,” she whispered. “Devin, you need to leave. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of trying. No matter how close I think I’m getting to you, you just seem to keep pulling away from me, so before what I feel gets any worse, maybe we should stop hanging out so much.”

Panic slammed into my chest and not because of the money. The thought of not being around her suddenly made me sick to my stomach.

“What? Why? I’m sorry, baby. I just…I want to be around you,” I said in a rush.

“I’m just trying to save myself,” she sniffled.

“Exactly! That’s what I’m trying to do, too. You just make it so hard for me to…”

She sighed in frustration. “No, that’s not what I mean. I’m trying to save myself, but not the way you think.”

“I don’t understand. Am I doing something that’s hurting you?” I swallowed hard.

If only she knew.

“No, well, kind of.” The room became quiet. The sound of our heavy breaths filled air. “I think…I think I’m in love with you, Devin.”

Everything stopped, my chest felt heavy. I couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t I breathe? This was the part where I should get up and run for my life, but I couldn’t move. She said the words that a man like me dreaded. She meant them too, I could tell.

Renee once told me she loved me during sex, but when Lilly said those words it gave me a physical reaction. It literally felt like my heart was trying to burst out my chest, like it was trying to return to its rightful owner…Lilly.

“I shouldn’t have said that. The last thing I want to do is scare you off.” She started to try and take it back immediately.

No way in Hell was I letting her take it back. Not when it soothed every painful experience I’d ever had in my life.

I covered her mouth with mine; kissing her like I never had before. She loved me. Me. The horrible, lying, no good, son of a bitch that I was, and she loved me. God knows I didn’t deserve that love, but I needed it.

I wrapped my arms around her and turned her onto her back, positioning her beneath me. I pulled my mouth from hers and starting kissing her neck. She moaned a deep, husky whimper and I gave in completely.

Her announcing her feelings for me did something to me. I don’t know what, but I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to fight it anymore.

From this moment on things would be different. I’d be tortured and pulled in two different directions. I had my family to get this money for and then I had Lilly, who I never wanted to hurt. No matter what decision I was going to make someone I cared about was going to get hurt. I was fucked no matter what I did.

Her hands were everywhere. She was touching my face, running her hands down my chest or up my back. It was driving me mad, but I knew I had to take it slow. No matter how bad I wanted to rip her clothes off and screw her brains out, I knew I had to go slow. Lilly had never said that she was a virgin, but I kind of assumed she was. The thought of being the first to claim her made me grow harder.

“I want you so bad. Are you sure you wanna do this?” I asked.

I wanted to give her another chance to back out of it. Lord knows I was beyond stopping myself at this point. I helped her as she peeled my shirt off me before she started to kiss my neck and shoulders.