Nova

Yeah, but you’ve been missing him for the last couple of years.

Years of wondering at what point he’d decided to leave me. Years of wondering if the insane chemistry between us—the undeniable craving to be close to each other—was something I’d imagined. It’s not. Feel that energy between you, that hum that’s ready to be cranked up to a million watts? Yeah, it’s still right there.

I steeled myself and concentrated on the lecture until it was time to leave. When she dismissed us, I got out of the classroom so fast it might as well have been on fire.

“Rachel!” Landon called down the crowded hall. I booked it to the elevator and slid inside—

Damn.

He got in just before the doors slid shut, leaving his camera crew on the outside. My timing with elevators on this ship was shit, but at least this wasn’t on film. I didn’t bother to look at him, just focused on the changing floors as we started to move.

There were at least four other students in here—that had to keep him quiet, right?

“Look, I just need you to listen. Please, Rachel.”

Apparently they weren’t going to deter him.

Deck seven. Three more to go.

I concentrated on the numbers, and he stepped in front of me, blocking my view with his chest. If I stepped forward, I’d be able to rest my head just under his collarbone, where I could feel his heartbeat. I hated that I remembered that—the feeling of safety, of…love—almost as much as I hated the urge to do it.

“The other people in this elevator aren’t going to save you, or me, for that matter. You know I’ve never given a fuck what anyone else ever thought of me.”

I looked to my right, but there were two girls openly ogling Landon and the show he was putting on. Don’t worry, girls. He’ll be all yours in a moment.

Unless they already had been. How many had come and gone since me? Why do you care?

“So you can stand there silent. It’s okay with me. I’m the one who needs to explain anyway.”

Deck eight. Three of the girls got off, leaving me with Landon and one other guy who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“What happened back then…God, Rach. The situation was so fucked-up, and I was such a stupid kid.”

I glared at him. He was a stupid kid? That was his excuse for nearly ruining my life? I blatantly looked away. It was going to take something a hell of a lot better than that to get me to listen to him.

“We have six months together.”

Don’t remind me.

“And I can’t help but think that we have a chance to set things straight. To put everything behind us and start fresh. And I know that isn’t going to change what happened in the past—”

The elevator opened, and I sidestepped around him, making a beeline for my room. It was twenty feet. I could make it. I had to.

If I listened, I might pause. If I paused, I might…think. If I gave in to thought, I was already in my handbasket straight to Landon hell.

“But the truth is that I can’t change what happened. I can only go from here. Rachel? Please talk to me.”

I kept the same pace, refusing to run, but damn if I wasn’t going to power walk my way to safety. I took out my key card and swiped it.

Red dot.

Fuck.

“If you’ll give me a chance to explain, where we can sit down like the adults we are, there’s so much I want to tell you. So much I should have told you then but was too big of a chickenshit to get the words out.”

I swiped the card again.

Green.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” he said, his voice rising in pitch.

But you did. Hell if I was going to make this easy for him.

I swung the door open and walked in.

“Rachel, please. Say something!”

I threw up my middle finger and slammed the door behind me. My chest deflated as my breath abandoned me, and I leaned back against the door. God, it hurt. Everything hurt. I looked down, half expecting my shirt to be soaked in blood, because it felt like my heart had been ripped out and shredded.

“Well, I mean…I can learn sign language if that’s what it takes, but I think I’ve got that one down already,” he said through the door.

I rolled my eyes and fought the urge to let the corners of my mouth drift up. He’d always had that effect on me—the ability to make me laugh when I wanted to throttle him. God, we’d had some of the most outrageous fights. And phenomenal makeup sex.

“We’re not done, Rachel. I know you’re right there. I know you can hear me. And I don’t care how long it takes to get through to you, you’re going to listen. You might still hate me after, but you have to understand the reasons why.”

There was a subtle thud on the door, like he’d banged his head on the surface. “But I’m not going to do it through a goddamned door. You win this round.”

Damn skippy I did.

“But I’ll win the war.”

…

“He’s relentless!” I said to Penna two nights later as I sank into the booth she’d claimed at the ship’s club, Veritas. “I need a damned drink.”

The bass thumped out a rhythm that had dozens of people gyrating on the floor. Maybe if I got drunk enough, I could join them and forget him for just a little while.

She looked up from her book. “He being Landon?”

“Yes,” I answered. “Really? In a club? What are you reading, anyway?”