Nothing Left to Lose

He cleared his throat, finally dragging his bewildered eyes away from Anna. “You too, Agent Taylor,” he replied, shaking my hand firmly in greeting. He turned to Dean who was standing slightly behind. “Agent Michaels, you have plans for this weekend?”

“Yes, sir, I’m going to visit my mother,” Dean answered.

“Good, sounds good,” Senator Spencer nodded.

I turned to Dean and smiled. Now that we were here, his vacation could finally start. “I guess I’ll see you at the airport Monday.”

“Yeah, have a good birthday tomorrow,” he replied, grinning and grabbing one of the two cases he’d brought with him.

I reached for the other one to give him a hand, but Anna was quicker. She gripped the handle and pulled it to her side. “This one’s mine.”

I frowned. “No it’s not, we shared,” I countered, shaking my head.

She smiled wickedly and shrugged. “This one has all my girlie stuff in it,” she replied, waving her hand dismissively. She turned to Dean, obviously wanting to change the subject. “Have a nice time,” she called as he was putting his case in the trunk of the car he was using.

“You too, Annabelle. Don’t give him too much grief, okay? I don’t want him whining to me about it on Monday,” he joked, waving as he slid into the car.

I looked down at the case, confused. She had plenty of clothes in with my stuff. What could she possibly need another case for? Her hand closed over mine, squeezing gently as she gave me a little tug towards the house. As I opened my mouth to ask what was in there, she shook her head and grinned. “Don’t ask. It’s none of your business.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled, letting her lead me along.

As we walked to the house, I noticed that her mother was looking at me as if I was some sort of God and at Anna like she was a total stranger. My back stiffened, praying they wouldn’t keep looking at us like that for the next couple of hours because it would surely make Anna uncomfortable.

Anna cleared her throat. “Um… I was wondering if anyone would mind if I went to see Jack?” she said quietly. “I could be back within half an hour. I just want to take some flowers; I haven’t been there for two months.” She chewed on her lip, her eyes tight with worry.

I knew that she felt guilty about not being able to go there to see him, but she thought of him a lot. He must have been a great guy to have her love him so much. I was a little sad that I didn’t get to meet him actually; my guess is that we would have gotten along.

Melissa recoiled as if expecting some sort of meltdown from her daughter at any moment. Admittedly, the last time that they had seen her, something like this may have caused one, but Anna was much stronger now.

Senator Spencer frowned, looking a little concerned. “Yeah, that’s a really great idea,” he agreed. “But you need to take guards with you though, Annabelle. You can’t just go on your own.”

She smiled and her shoulders seemed to relax, as if she’d been expecting a protest and for them to insist that she spent the whole two hours here with them. “Ashton will come with me.” She turned to me, and suddenly looked a little worried as if she doubted that I would. “Won’t you?” she asked, looking at me hopefully.

“Of course,” I agreed. She smiled gratefully and squeezed my hand.

Melissa cleared her throat nervously. “Maybe when you get back, we could have a coffee or something? You could tell me about your new school and your apartment,” she suggested hopefully.

Anna nodded easily. “Sure, I’d like that.” Both of her parents seemed shocked at her answer; I watched as slow smiles spread across their faces.

After finding another guard to come with us to replace Dean, we made our way to the cemetery, stopping to buy some flowers on the way. As we walked through the cemetery, she stooped to pick up any dandelions from the grass. There were a couple on my side of the path, so I bent and picked them for her. When I handed them to her, her eyes widened in surprise.

“Thank you,” she murmured gratefully.

“Sure,” I shrugged casually. Clearly she appreciated the small gesture. When we got level with Jack’s gravestone, I stopped on the edge of the path so that she could approach it on her own. I wasn’t allowed to give her any more privacy than this because no matter how close we got, I was first and foremost, her near guard. I felt awful that she would have to talk to him in front of me. For all I knew, maybe she wanted to talk to him about me. I stood silently and watched as she brushed all of the dead leaves and flowers from his grave before replacing them with hers and sprinkling the little yellow dandelions on top of his headstone.

As she sat down, she brushed her fingers across the lettering of his name. “Hey. I’m really sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I wanted to, but it’s just too far away from my new school.” She ran her hands over the grass absentmindedly. “I’m doing really good. I haven’t said that in a long time, but I really am.” My heart throbbed in my chest as I listened to her admit that. “I love my school. The teachers are great, and I’ve even made some friends,” she smiled weakly.

“I brought someone with me today. He’s my new near guard, the one I told you about the last time I came. He seems to be lasting well so far,” she joked, laughing quietly. “He’s really great, and I know you would’ve liked him if you’d gotten the chance to meet him. We’re going to Los Angeles for the weekend. I always wanted to go there, remember?”

When she sighed deeply, my heart started to race. This was it. This was the part where she would get upset and sob, and I would have to watch it while my heart broke in two.

“Jack, I know a lot of stuff has happened that you’ve probably seen from where you are, and I’m sorry, but I need him. He makes me feel better, so that’s not bad, right? You forgive me for trying to be happy, don’t you?” she asked quietly, picking a blade of grass and rolling it around between her fingers.

I winced, shifting on my feet uncomfortably. Had she forgotten I was here? Surely I wasn’t supposed to be hearing this one-sided conversation.

“People always say that you wouldn’t want me to be sad, but it’s really hard to believe that after what happened to you and then… after. I don’t know what to think anymore. Everything is so confusing now. I hope you forgive me for letting someone else make me happy.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t watch from a distance any longer; I walked up behind her and sat down, spreading my legs either side of her and scooting close to her back. As I was doing it, I was mentally shouting at myself for intruding on her private moment. No doubt she was going to freak out because I was doing this, being close to her in front of Jack’s grave.

But, much to my surprise, she didn’t freak out.

Instead, she pressed back into me and put her hands on my knees. I literally stopped breathing because she was showing me some affection in front of Jack’s grave. Was that supposed to mean something? I didn’t even know anymore.

“Hey, I’m nearly done.” She turned her head and smiled at me over her shoulder, her face inches from mine. I nodded, unable to speak. Even if I could force a word out, I wouldn’t know what to say. She turned back to the gravestone. “This is Ashton Taylor; he’s been looking after me for the last couple of months. He’s a great guy.” She squeezed my leg affectionately, but I still couldn’t speak. “So, my dad might get elected in a month and then I could officially be the President’s daughter. I guess I’d better shape up my act, huh?” she joked, chuckling to herself, changing the subject. “And Carter’s trial starts again in three months’ time, but you don’t need to worry about that, he won’t get out. There’s still a lot of evidence and stuff, so he’ll pay for what he did to you, don’t worry, okay?”

I scowled at the sound of his name. I silently wondered if she realised that she didn’t mention what Carter had done to her at all. It was a little scary how she just blocked everything out like that; it couldn’t be healthy for her.

She sighed deeply. “I’m sorry that I can’t stay longer, but my parents are insisting I spend some time with them before we leave.” She leant forward and trailed her fingertips across his name once more. “I’ll come back next time I’m here, okay? I miss you. Bye.” She pushed herself up and turned back to me, holding out a hand to help me up.

She didn’t look too bad as we made our way silently to the car. She didn’t look like the other two times we had walked away from here, like she was dying inside.

No one spoke as we climbed in the car, and I signalled to the other guard that we were ready to leave. After a couple of minutes of driving silently, she turned to me. “So, are you going to take me to this Denny’s place that you keep going on about?”

I looked at her smiling face, shocked. My insides started to hurt. We’d just visited Jack’s grave, she’d let me sit with her, and she didn’t look like her heart was breaking. Was she finally letting go of him? Was she finally ready to move on?

I gulped. “Yeah, I’ll take you to Denny’s at some point before we leave LA,” I promised. Anna would love it there; they served the best chilli cheese dogs in the world. After Nate, it was the thing I missed the most about not living in LA.

When we got back to the lake house, her parents had arranged lunch on the terrace for the three of them. As I was about to leave, Anna clung to my hand and silently begged me with her eyes, thwarting my escape. I smiled weakly as I sat down at the table with them, watching silently as her mother ordered another place setting because the table had only been laid for the three of them. I shuffled uncomfortably in my chair, knowing that they would probably prefer to have time alone with her, but the way Anna was clinging to my hand told me that she didn’t want me to leave.

For the first ten minutes, talk was a little strained as they caught up on how her course was going and what the apartment was like. After that though, she seemed to relax and her forced smile turned into a genuine one as her dad reeled off stuff about his campaign and her mother talked nonsense about the prize begonias she was growing.