Nothing Left to Lose

“I thought you’d already left,” I admitted.

He shook his head, frowning. “I won’t leave you. Even if we had a huge fight, I still wouldn’t leave you,” he promised.

With his eyes blazing with truth, I believed him. The only way he would leave before his assignment was over was if I had him transferred, because he wouldn’t quit. I looped my arms around his neck, smiling happily now.

“Thank you,” I whispered, gratefully.

“You don’t have to thank me, Baby Girl.” He bent his head and planted a soft kiss on my lips, pulling back after a fraction of a second. I didn’t even have time to react before he pushed himself up off me, straddling my hips as he grinned down at me. “I guess I’m squashing you, huh?”

“I liked it,” I muttered, chuckling as heat flooded my face at my admission.

He grinned too and dropped down onto the mattress next to me instead. “Guess I didn’t even get to try out the new sofa bed.” He nodded towards the new addition to my room. Apparently it had been delivered while we were at school.

I smiled and shrugged. “It looks like it would be comfy too,” I teased. “Probably more comfortable than sleeping on top of me.” I frowned at the sofa bed, resenting it a little because I would actually rather him sleep in my bed with me, especially after last night – so long as I could manage to keep a hold on my slutty side that only ever seemed to come out when I was around him.

He laughed. “Doubt it.” His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me tightly against him as he looked at me intently. “Anna, will you tell me why you train like that? I can understand you pushing it with the self-defence stuff, but the running I just don’t understand.”

I sighed, I’d never talked to anyone about this before, but I felt like I owed him an explanation for it. “It takes my mind off everything. It gives me something else to think about. The more it hurts, the easier it is to forget everything else and just focus on the pain. It’s just something I’ve done since… well, since Carter.” My voice cracked when I said his name.

He nodded sadly. “I can’t stand to see it though. I know you like to run, but do you have to run for thirty minutes flat out like that? I mean, you ran so damn fast that I don’t think I would have been able to keep up with you. And that last minute,” he blew out a big breath, “damn, you looked like you were ready to die, and yet you went faster? It was awful to watch,” he winced, swallowing hard.

I frowned. When you looked at it from his point of view, it did sound kind of over the top. “Okay. I’ll try and tone it down. Can we just leave it?” Not liking the turn in conversation, and wanting to think of more pleasant things, I leant in closer and pressed my face into the side of his neck. I sighed in contentment as I inhaled his delicious smell. There was nothing else like it in the world.

“Do I smell bad or something?”

I jumped back, realising what I was doing. “Sorry.” I chuckled nervously, looking anywhere but him.

He laughed. “Are you telling me I should go for a shower?”

“No!” I protested. “You smell good. It’s soothing. You smell like-” I stopped quickly when it dawned on me what I was about to say. I gulped, sitting up. “Never mind. Do you want breakfast?”

As I scooted towards the edge of the bed, his hand closed over my arm, thwarting my escape. “Hey, not so fast! I smell like what?” he asked.

I winced. “I don’t want to say,” I whined.

One of his eyebrows rose playfully as he tugged on my arm so I fell back onto the bed. He grinned as he quickly manoeuvred himself so he was pinning my arms above my head and my body was trapped underneath his. “If you don’t tell me, we don’t go to school today.” I chuckled and shook my head. I didn’t want to go to school anyway, I would rather he pinned me to the bed all day. “Please tell me,” he breathed, pulling out the puppy dog face.

I groaned, done for. “Oh, for goodness’ sake, fine! You smell like safety, like home,” I admitted, turning my head to the side so that I wouldn’t see his face as I said it.

His grip loosened on my arms as he pushed himself off me, sitting up. From the corner of my eye, I could see him looking at me. “You want to know what you smell like to me?” he asked quietly. I nodded without looking at him. “Your smell scares the life out of me. You smell like commitment and marriage,” he said simply.

The air rushed out of my lungs as I sat up and looked anywhere but him. I knew he was joking, but his casual joke about marriage made my stomach twist into a knot. “That’s not funny. I told you mine seriously,” I muttered, shaking my head and climbing out of bed. He didn’t answer as I headed out of the room, already deciding that I’d make bacon for breakfast. I needed the energy today and cooking it would be a welcome distraction from the thoughts that were trying to force their way into my head.

In typical guy fashion, he was showered, dressed and looking like a Greek God by the time the food was ready. As he walked out of the bedroom, I set bacon and eggs in front of him. “Wow, that’s great service,” he joked, sitting himself at the kitchen island. “By the way, are you busy Friday night?” he smiled a little nervously.

Busy? If I was busy then he’d already know about it. “No, why?”

He cleared his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck absentmindedly. “How about we make Friday nights our date nights?”