Nothing Left to Lose

As my body seemed to get hotter and hotter, my pulse drummed in my ears and finally my body shattered, coming apart under him and his expert touch. I cried out his name as my eyes filled with tears because of the intense sensations. My whole body was quivering in pleasure and my heart crashed in my ears. It felt like heaven, like a waking dream. His lips claimed mine in a kiss that felt like it could devour my soul as he let out a long groan. His body stiffened on top of me and he thrust another couple of times as he reached his end too.

When he pulled back slightly, I looked up into his face. He was smiling down at me, his eyes filled with passion, tenderness, and something that I could easily mistake for love, but it couldn’t be that. I dismissed it as gratitude because he hadn’t had sex for two months.

“Holy shit, Baby Girl, that was incredible,” he growled, kissing along my cheeks to nibble on my earlobe as he eased out of me.

“You were just okay,” I joked breathlessly as he rolled to the side and pulled the condom off, throwing it into the trashcan before turning back to me to wrap me in his arms.

“Don’t tell me… you’ve had better,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes jokingly. My heart stopped at his words. I’d only ever been with him and Carter. Tears stung my eyes as my throat seemed to tighten. Ashton’s eyes widened as he gasped and shook his head, cupping my face in his hands. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just kidding. I’m so, so sorry!”

I forced a smile even though my heart now hurt at the reminder. It seemed like I would never escape the fact that I was dirty and used, not even for a moment. “It’s alright. Don’t worry,” I lied.

He grimaced and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, kissing my nose.

“Just forget it, it’s fine.” I knew he hadn’t meant it that way at all, but it was just the reminder that hurt. I didn’t for a second think that he had meant to bring up Carter; it was just a joke than he hadn’t thought through. “Just for the record, I think you were incredible too, and I’ll never have better,” I said honestly. I knew that for a fact because I’d never have anyone else. I kissed him again, cuddling close to his side as I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his delicious smell. I instantly felt better. His body didn’t relax at my reassurances though. His muscles were still bunched; his arms were too stiff around me. I moved back, looking up to see his tense face. He was clearly angry with himself. Reaching out, I smoothed his frown line from his forehead. “It’s okay, I promise.”

He sighed heavily. “Man, I’m such a douchebag. I can’t believe I said that to you.”

I smiled. “Just forget it. I have.” I decided then that I refused to think about anything bad after I had just had the most incredible sex ever. He rolled to his side so we were facing each other. His body was still tense, so I snuggled closer to him and kissed his lips softly. For a few minutes, we just lay there in silence, looking at each other as his fingers tickled up and down my spine. Finally, he spoke, “Thank you for today, I’ve honestly had the best birthday ever,” he said quietly.

I smiled. “I had a great day too,” I replied. “Although I feel guilty because you’ve technically been working and couldn’t drink and stuff because I’m here. You really should have just come on your own; you would have had so much more fun.”

He shook his head in protest. “Baby Girl, you are what made my day great. I don’t care if I don’t drink,” he countered. I smiled and he leant forward, kissing me again hungrily. He moaned in the back of his throat and tightened his hold on me. Where we were pressed so tightly against one another, I could feel that he was starting to get excited again. I grinned against his lips, and he pulled back, smiling at me tenderly as he combed his fingers through my hair. “What’s funny?” he asked.

“You’re like some kind of machine. It’s lucky we agreed on one night, and not one time, huh?” I teased, running my finger down his chest and raising one eyebrow when I got to his groin. He grunted, obviously shocked, but a slow smile spread across his face before he covered my mouth with his and we started all over again.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I woke in the morning, naked and wrapped in his arms. He was stretched out behind me, spooning me. One of his hands rested on my hip, and the other was cupping my breast. The thought of being naked in his bed and us being in such an intimate position made a blush creep up onto my cheeks. Not that I had to worry about him seeing me naked though, after all, he’d probably kissed every inch of my body last night during the three times that we’d had sex.

A satisfied smiled crept onto my lips. I refused to feel guilty about it today, I was entitled to one night of pleasure after the years of misery I’d had recently. I pressed myself back into his body, wanting to melt into him. I loved waking up next to him in the morning, he was so warm and comforting and the fact that he had never spent the night with another girl made me feel special.

He moaned sleepily and wrapped his arms tighter around me, lazily kissing the back of my head. I turned my head to look at him, leaving my body pressed against his, not wanting him to let go yet.

“Hi,” I murmured sheepishly.

He grinned not making any moves to let go of me. “Hi. How are you feeling this morning?” He looked a little worried, as if he were waiting for a meltdown at any moment.