Not Quite Mine

“She lived in Milan…right after. When the divorce was final, she spent a year in France. She was a dancer.”

“A what?” Was her father smoking something? “Dancer?”

Gaylord watched the ice dancing in his glass. “She loved to dance. Hated it when she was pregnant because she couldn’t move like she wanted to.”

“What kind of mother thinks like that?”

“Ours did, apparently,” Jack said. “OK, so she had some unrequited passion for dancing. Great. Moved to Italy, France…what happened?”

“Nothing. Exactly nothing. She blew through her divorce settlement, moved back here. It took a few years.”

Katie watched a handful of emotions pass over her father’s face. None of which she wanted to experience herself. Gaylord never spoke ill of their mother. Even after all the neglectful times he had to make excuses for her.

“So when she kept the letters coming from Italy, you didn’t tell us…why?”

He shook his head. “Wasn’t my place. I sent my checks and washed my hands of her. If either of you wanted to know more, you’d have gone and visited her. Neither of you asked to. I figured if you’d looked as adults, I’d have heard about it eventually…from you or one of the pilots.”

Katie could only speak for herself when she said she’d lost any desire to know her mother years ago.

“So she’s in Florida,” Jack said.

“She’s dying in Florida,” Katie corrected.

“Maybe.” Gaylord left his empty glass on a counter and walked to the window. They were moving away from the setting sun, which appeared to be hitting the horizon at warp speed.

“And we’re going why?” Because Katie was starting to think this whole trip was a bad idea.

Katie heard Dean’s words coming from her father. “Because if Annette is dying, you should see her one last time. Make peace with her.”

“She doesn’t deserve our forgiveness.”

“Katie!”

“No, Daddy. Being a parent is more than having a kid. It’s the day to day stuff…the crying, the cleaning, the laughing…it’s everything and she was never there. She chose a different life. Somewhere, somehow, she should have been straight with us and cut us free. But no. She was selfish and kept us on a Christmas card leash full of lies.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Gaylord yelled. “I’m not asking you to visit her because she deserves it.” He lowered his voice and Katie saw emotion clog his eyes. “I’m asking you to go so, if and when she dies, you have no regrets! None. You have one mother. I never replaced her…God knows I’m sorry for that now, but she’s it. If you go, see her, and walk out of the room that’s up to you. But damn it, I will give you the opportunity to say good-bye.”

Underneath all her father’s anger was a layer of pain Katie hadn’t noticed in years.

Katie glanced at Jack and saw her own anguish staring back at her.

She sucked in her lower lip and realized how hard her father had worked to keep her and Jack from any pain her mother caused.

She unfolded slowly from the couch, placed her wine on a table, and embraced her father.

His large capable hands circled her and held her close. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, baby girl.”

Dean received a text when Katie landed in Florida.

Made it. The nurses in ICU said we could come anytime.

Dean texted back: Are you going to the hotel first?

Probably. Dad’s on the phone with hospital now.

Good. Better to see her with a clear head. How R U holding up?

Dean waited for her reply while propping a bottle to Savannah’s lips.

I’m OK. Lots to tell you.

Call anytime, he told her. And because he knew she could use a smile, he took a quick picture of Savannah drinking her bottle and sent it to her. Savannah says hi.

Give her a big kiss for me. I miss you both.

Dean smiled, leaned over, and kissed Savannah as instructed. “That’s from your mommy.”

Kiss delivered.

I have so much to tell you. I can’t do it over the phone.

Dean punched in his reply with one finger. I’m not going anywhere. Take care of you!

Talk in the morning.

He stared at the phone for a while, wishing he could offer more support. He tried to remember that Katie had Jack and her father at her side. Dean liked to think he knew Katie better than her family…the adult Katie anyway. She’d be facing a mother who had ignored her most of her life and that wasn’t going to be easy.

Dean removed the empty bottle from Savannah’s mouth, was rewarded with a nice wet mess when he set her on his shoulder for a burp. He laughed at himself for forgetting the burp cloth and settled Savannah back in his arms while she fell asleep.

“Your other mommy might have given you up,” he whispered, “but your real mommy will always be there.”

Katie’s entire life was filled with motherly drama. Her own mother might be dying, a new infant to adjust to…wondering who Savannah’s biological mom was. The worry about all of it.

His phone buzzed on the table alerting him to a text.

It was his brother-in-law with a group message that looked to have gone out to all the Prescotts.

It’s a girl.

Syrie and baby Lilly are doing fine.

As the squished-up face of his new niece surfaced on the phone, Dean’s smile spread.