Not Quite Mine

The waiter returned and took their order. As he left, Jack said. “Manhood. You said manhood.”

“Fuck you.”

Jack popped some peanuts into his mouth. “You’re not my type.”

It’s all good.

“He kissed me.”

Monica shifted her attention away from the TV. “Dean?”

“Of course, Dean.” Katie closed the door to the apartment and tossed her purse on the kitchen counter. Unlike the first time Dean had made moves on her, this time Katie had a close enough friend to talk to. There was only so much room for secrets inside her head anyway and Savannah was taking up the entire secret room.

Monica turned off the set. “Ooh la la…please tell.”

“We were eating lunch. There was barbeque sauce. He kissed me. Oh, Monica, this is awful.”

Monica closed her eyes and shook her head. “Excuse me? Why is this awful? Dean is yummy with a capital Y. How can him kissing you be anything but amazing?”

Katie motioned toward the bedroom where she assumed Savannah was sleeping. “Baby. Hellooo? Kissing leads to more kissing, then there’s stroking, and hand holding. Phone calls and then midnight booty calls. I can’t let this happen again.”

“OK, I get it. You’re scared he’ll find out about Savannah. It’s only a matter of time before he does anyway.”

She knew that. “Not now. I still don’t know who her mother is. He’s not going to understand.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. He’s fiercely loyal to his brother and sisters. Family means everything to him. If he thinks I’m remotely responsible for Savannah not being with her real mom, he’d be…”

“He’d be what?”

“I don’t know. He’d be something. Not a good something. His timing sucks.”

Monica snickered.

“What?”

“Is his timing the only thing bothering you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” His kiss haunted her all day. When Jack had arrived, Katie swore she blushed like a virgin being caught kissing a boy in church. Yet there was no way Jack could have known that she and Dean had shared a brief, intimate moment.

“If Dean would have pursued you before Savannah, or months from now…would you run away?”

“There were reasons we didn’t work the first time, Monica. Good reasons.”

“You didn’t care for him?”

“We’ve been friends forever. Of course I care for him.”

Monica rolled her eyes. “I’m not talking about a platonic caring and you know it.”

“I cared.”

“So you broke it off because he wanted kids. A family. And you couldn’t give that to him.”

“I still can’t.” That hadn’t changed.

“Bullshit. Look in that room and tell me you can’t be a mom.”

Katie’s jaw snapped shut.

“You have a stronger backbone than most, Katelyn. Don’t short-change yourself because your uterus isn’t perfect. Lots of women can’t have kids.”

“Dean wants his own.”

“Really? You asked him that? He told you he didn’t want you because you can’t have his babies?” Monica bit out her questions and scowled.

Katie ground her back teeth together. No. They never had that conversation. She knew she wouldn’t survive it so she broke it off. Didn’t change the fact that Dean wanted to be a father. A father to his own children.

Monica approached her and lowered her voice. “Think about this, Katelyn Morrison. Three people in this world know you can’t have kids. You, Dean, and me. If Dean’s making moves on you, then apparently he’s not thinking about your infertility.”

“Maybe he’s just horny.”

“Men who want to scratch an itch don’t do it with their best friend’s sister. Did he push you to jump in the sack today?”

“No.” I won’t push.

“Were you interrupted by someone?”

“No.”

“Did he say he was sorry for kissing you? That it shouldn’t have happened?”

“No.” Those had been her words. Yet she didn’t stop him.

“He’s into you, Katie. What you need to ask yourself is, if you’re into him.”

“Ah! God, I haven’t been so indecisive my entire life. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Monica patted her on the shoulder before walking away. “You’re a mom now. You have to think about someone else and that isn’t easy. I watched Jessie do it for years. You think you’re indecisive? Jessie was downright manic at times. You wouldn’t believe the conversations we had about your brother.”

“She thought my brother was a drifter and a broke one at that.”

“Yet she fell in love with him anyway. You know Dean isn’t a loser. If he’s daddy material, then I don’t see the problem.”

But it did matter. What if she allowed him into her life and Savannah’s mom showed up and took her away? If Dean abandoned her then…

“I can’t risk it. Not now. Not yet.”

“It’s your decision.”

The expression on Monica’s face wasn’t resolved.

“But?”

“But I don’t think he’s gonna back off.”

Katie didn’t think so either.

An hour later, the phone rang and Monica answered it.