Neither (The Noctalis Chronicles 3)

“I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Your mother is just as stubborn. She put up quite a fuss about getting this IV in.”

Claire blushes, and for a second, I see Ava's face on hers. They are so much alike.

“Looks good. I'll be back in a few hours, okay? Your lunch should be here soon, too.”

“I'm not hungry,” Claire says.

“Well, see how you feel. Nice to meet you, Ava and Peter.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ava says, although she doesn't feel that it is nice at all.

“Do you need a chair, handsome?” she says with a wink.

“I am fine.”

“Such a gentleman,” she says, touching my arm. Jenna is not put off by me at all and smiles at me as if I was a human boy giving my girlfriend my support as her mother battles cancer. Her energy is warm and giving. Infectious.

Jenna leaves and returns with a chair for me, which I take from her and sit, thanking her before she leaves.

Claire tries to sit up, but her arms are so weak that she can't, so Sam helps her.

“I hate that you're all taking care of me.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Claire. That's what we're here for. You have to stop trying to do so much,” Sam says, brushing her balding head. He smiles at her as if she's his whole world. I wish I could smile at Ava the same way.

“I just hate to be a burden.”

“You can't love a burden. And you're much too cute to be a burden.” Sam kisses her head and she sighs, but it turns into a cough.

Ava grips my hand tightly, her heart racing. I pump as much calm as I can muster. I shut everything else out but her and push her worries and negative feelings away. I think of sunlight, laughing with her and every good moment we've had so far together.

Her body relaxes just a bit and she lies back in the chair. Sam yawns, his jaw cracking with the effort.

“I think I'm going to get some coffee. Does anyone need anything?” Ava shakes her head and I respond that I am fine. Sam gives Claire a wink before leaving the room, pulling the sliding curtain behind him.

“I don't know what I did to deserve the two of you, but whatever lottery I won, I'm glad I did.” Ava gives her a light hug, trying not to jostle any of the tubes. “Come on up here, I can make room. You don't mind, do you, Peter?”

“Not at all.” I've never had so many people concerned with how I feel about things. It is both strange and pleasing.

Claire scoots over and Ava climbs into the bed next to her on the opposite side of all the tubes and equipment. Ava lays her head on Claire's shoulder and closes her eyes. She's thinking that this can't be it. This can't be the end. That there should be more time. That it isn't fair. That she isn’t going to be strong enough. That she will break into a million little pieces that will blow away in the wind. I steal Sam's chair so I can sit next to her with my hand on her ankle so I can touch her skin.

“You'd better be careful with that hand when my husband gets back. I might not take exception to it, but he will.”

“Mom, he's touching my ankle. I'm pretty sure no one has ever gotten pregnant from that.”

Claire sighs, coughing again. “True.” She lies with Ava for a while. Sam takes his time getting coffee, giving them time. I stay still, trying to blend into the furniture.

“I still know you're there,” Ava says, turning her head toward me. “I don't know how I know that. I could just feel you thinking it.”

“Now you're reading my mind.”

“Maybe. Maybe I just know you really well.”

“That's what love is,” Claire says.

Sam walks in a moment later with a Styrofoam cup and a muffin.

“This was all I could find in the kitchen, but if you want, I can go down to the cafe later and get you something else.”

“No, it's fine.”

Ava takes the muffin and though she doesn't want to eat it, she starts pulling off the top and tearing it into little pieces. Ava always tears her muffins apart before eating them. So many little things to adore about her.

Sam takes a sip of coffee. He takes his black, and the coffee is so old that it is quite potent. He winces before swallowing. “I was thinking that it seems foolish for you to stay in school for the rest of the year. It's only, what? Threeish weeks?”

“Yeah.”

“Exactly. You're not going to miss anything if you get out now. You've finished your exams, right?”

She hasn't, but she says, “Pretty much.” She sends a mental plea for my help and I squeeze her ankle in response. I can forge her writing on anything if need be. I also write faster than she does.

“You'll have plenty of time for school later.”

Ava is shocked by his change of attitude. She is also scared by it. If he is willing to let her stop going to school, it means that Claire is really sick. She wants to ask how bad it is and get a real answer, but she doesn't want to do it in front of Claire.

“Exactly,” Ava says, snuggling closer to Claire. “Exactly.

Ava

As soon as I can, I find a bathroom to throw up in. I remember back when they told me she was terminal and I threw up. That was the same night I met Peter. This time when I throw up, he holds my hair. I'm adding that to the Peter Love list.

“Sorry,” I say out of habit. I seem to be apologizing for anything and everything lately. I'm just such a mess and I'm mad at myself for making him spend so much damn time with me. The Claiming is a burden. I am a burden.

“You're not,” he says, wetting a paper towel and wiping my forehead. I'm so upset and stressed that he's getting all my thoughts clear as a bell. It's such small potatoes at this point that I don't even give a shit.

He helps me to my feet and hands me a glass of water. We're in the handicap bathroom down the hall from Mom's room. We've been here for hours, and soon Dad's going to make me go home. I don't want to leave her.

“I can get you here in four minutes, if need be. Just think of that,” he says, wiping the back of my neck with the cool towel. He follows it with his lips, which are just as nice.

“I just want to go away. Go somewhere else.”

“I know. I would take you anywhere you wanted to go, but she needs you. Your father needs you.”

“I know, I know.” My stomach hurts, my head hurts and my heart hurts, but I know deep down that I'm whining and being a snotty teenager. I need to suck it up. I roll my shoulders back, take a deep breath and swish my mouth out.

“Okay, I'm good. I think.” I stare at my face in the mirror and meet Peter's eyes. He smiles.