Neither (The Noctalis Chronicles 3)

“So Di is...” Texas says.

“Unbelievable,” Ava whispers. “It makes so much sense now.”

“Di is like a drug. Or at least she was. She goes full-forward. No regrets, no looking back.” Helena's assessment of Di is correct. We had good times. I told Ava about some, but not all of them. Unlike Helena, I never had a sexual relationship with Di.

“What's Di's bind?” That is what Ava and I need to know above all.

Helena pauses. “The bind she made with our father is done, but she did make another. That she would always have to love someone. Or she would die.”

There is another silence as we all think about that.

“Is the noctali she made that bind with still alive?”

“Yes,” Helena says.

Ava and Texas ponder and Viktor and I share a moment.

“Was it you she made the bind with?” Ava asks hesitantly.

“I wouldn't tell you even if I could,” Helena says. “Part of my own bind. Sorry.”

Texas snorts. “You can't talk about Di's bind? Well, that means that you were the one who made it with her.”

“I cannot say,” Helena says.

“So you made a bind with Di that she would always love you, or she dies. She must still love you then,” Texas says.

“I cannot say,” Helena says with a sharp tone.

“Well, that makes a lot of sense,” Ava says. “This, we can use.” Her voice is fierce and I get a glimpse of that bright sharpness inside of her that I always knew was there. “Couldn't you agree to take off the bind if she'll leave us alone and retract the binds of the boys?”

“I cannot. Even if I were to admit that we had a bind, which I am not, binds made between noctali that aren't parent and child cannot be undone. Since they are equal, there is no one who has the upper hand.”

“Shit.”

“Damn,” Ava and Texas say at the same time.

“Do you still love her?” Ava asks.

Helena looks at the sky. “I think I'll always love her a little, even though she killed everything I loved. You can't just shut things off like that. A little piece of my heart will always belong to her.”

“Wow,” Texas says. “What is it with you people and love?”

Helena rolls her eyes like a human teenager. “Isn't everything about love when you get down to it?” she says.

I look at Ava and she meets my eyes.

“Yes,” we say at the exact same time.

Eleven

Brooke

I was insane. Absolutely nuts. Because that was the only reason that I was standing outside Jamie's house, waiting for him to come out to his truck. I'd spent the entire night swimming, trying to get him off my mind. When the sun came up, I put my clothes on and ran to his house, not even caring that my hair was still wet. I didn't care that my clothes didn’t fit, or that I wanted his blood. I only cared about seeing his face and hearing him say my name. Such a simple thing, hearing someone say your name.

The door opened and he walked down the rickety porch, avoiding a few rotting boards. He glanced up, saw me and stopped.

“Brooke. What are you doing here?”

“I don't really know,” I said, shrugging. “I was just... thinking about you.”

“How did you know where I live?” Careless, I had been careless.

“I have my ways,” I said, trying to be coy. His eyes shifted around. He was still scared of me. I could do that thing that Ivan taught me to do with my eyes, but I'd rather not. “Will you just hang out with me? I just don't feel like being alone. We can do whatever you want.”

“I can't just skip school,” he said, adjusting his bag. I heard his resolve weakening. Not that he had much. I could make him do what I wanted, but I wasn't going to do that. I wanted him to want to hang out with me. It was a relic from my human life. I was a girl and he was a boy, and I wanted him to like me. Even though I also wanted to suck his blood.

“Why not?”

He opened his mouth as if he was going to protest, but then I tipped my head to the side and gave him a flirty smile.

“I don't know,” he said, shaking his head. My heart, which didn't beat anymore, still somehow jumped in my chest. He laughed and the sound made my knees go weak. Yes, I was an immortal. Yes, a cute boy still made me want to swoon.

“Okay, okay,” he said, holding his hands up like he'd surrendered.

I couldn't help the smile that busted my face open. I had to slow my movements so I didn't leap into his truck.

“Your hair is wet,” he commented as he turned the key. The truck struggled to start. The ignition finally caught as I pushed my hair over my shoulder. I'd been flying and the morning dew had coated my hair. My wings were sad that I had to put them away.

He looked sideways at me and pulled onto the road. Back when I was human I used to care what I looked like. I'd get up every day, straighten my hair and put on massive amounts of lip gloss and mascara. Now, I don't really think about it. People stare at me anyway, with or without makeup.

I turned on the radio, smiling because it was already on the country station. A familiar song came on and I wanted to sing along. That was the one thing that hadn't come so easy. I could make the sounds, but they weren't pleasant. When I was human, I'd had a pretty decent voice and had been in chorus at school. It was all a matter of practice and I hadn't had the chance yet.

“So, uh, where do you want to go?”

“I don't care,” I said. “Take me anywhere.”

He looked down at the steering wheel and ran his hands around it as if he was trying to think of the right place.

“You got it,” he said, glancing in the rearview and making a U-turn, which would have thrown me into the passenger side door if I was human. Luckily, I wasn't.

***

“Where are we?” I said as Jamie got out of the truck and came to open my door. We were in the middle of nowhere, which was saying a lot, because I was from the backwoods of New Hampshire.

“My little slice of heaven,” he said. I stared, but all I could see was woods. And more woods. A little glimmer of light told me there must have been a clearing in there somewhere, but I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about.

“All I see is trees.”

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand. I hesitated for a moment before I slid my hand into his. Jamie's hands were rough, calloused, and they dwarfed my fingers. I'd always had small hands, but it looked even smaller in his.

“Shall we?” He quirked one of his eyebrows up as he asked.