Needing Her

With a sigh, I sat up with Ben in my arms and focused on her. “Just say it. Let’s get it over with.”

Her lips pulled up on one side in a sympathetic smile. “What happened between you and Maci? You were so happy when I saw you last week.”

Knowing it was pointless to lie, I told her about this morning, and waited for five agonizing minutes as she studied me.

“You still haven’t told her about us?”

“Still?” I asked, a little confused. “I don’t know what you mean by ‘still.’ We’ve only been seeing each other for a week and a half.”

“You told Cassidy and you weren’t even seeing her,” she said, accusation coating her voice.

“Cassidy was different and you know that. She had a past worse than ours, she understood.”

“But you weren’t in love with her.”

I sat there, waiting for her to correct herself . . . or maybe for myself to realize I’d heard her wrong. But the way her eyes speared me, I knew I’d heard her correctly. “I’m sorry . . . but I’m not in love with Maci either.”

“Maybe not yet, but she’s different for you. You can’t deny that.”

Ben started squirming in my arms, so I let him go to crawl around the floor between us. “It doesn’t matter if she is or not, nothing can come of it and you know it.”

“Why not, Connor? What is so wrong with marrying Maci Price? You’re fearless, her brothers can’t scare you that bad.”

I looked at her, horrified. “I can’t marry her.”

“You would have married Cassidy.”

“She would have understood, Amy! She would have understood everything!” I tried to calm down as I waited for her to respond. But she just sat there shaking her head at me. “What?”

“Kevin didn’t have our past: was it wrong for me to marry him? Was it wrong for me to have Ben?”

“Amy”—I sighed and ran my hands through my hair—“you don’t have problems with your anger like I do.”

“You don’t have a problem with your anger. You’re afraid of getting angry, period. There’s a difference. You can’t always be afraid to turn into him, Connor. We don’t have his genes, who knows what either of our biological fathers were like? Mom sold herself so she could get coke. What you should have been afraid of all this time was developing a drug problem, because our fathers probably had one too. The man you’re afraid of turning into just took his anger with our mother out on us. You need to get that through your mind.”

I sat there staring at the floor and chewing on the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself from saying what I so badly wanted to. But, in the end, it still came out. “When we were adopted, you were terrified of new men. Anytime you saw a man that was older, you would start shaking. It took you years of being asked out by guys at school before you finally said yes, and then you came home crying because you were afraid he would turn out just. Like. Him. Until Kevin came along, the only man you ever trusted was Dad. I have nightmares of me being the one to beat my future family. I never once judged you or said a word; I was just there for you. So don’t start judging me because of this.”

“I just want you to be happy. Cassidy may have understood better than most, but you have to know that you wouldn’t have done anything to her or your future family with her if it had ever even gone that route. But all you can see, or think about, with her is that she would understand. You’re not letting yourself realize that even you understood that you wouldn’t hurt her. You won’t hurt anyone, Connor.”

I looked up and instantly felt like shit when I saw her crying. “Fuck, Amy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that, though.”

“I’ve seen how much Maci has changed you, and I saw how happy you were last week. I know you won’t turn into him. But if you won’t let yourself have that, then don’t lead Maci on with the pretense that something will happen between you two. I can see it, you may not realize it yet—maybe because you just don’t want to—but you love her. She’s going to see it too, so don’t do this to her. Don’t break her heart when you know that you can’t give her what she’s going to want.”

I knew what she was saying, and knew I needed to listen to her. My head started to nod, but shook instead. “I can’t stay away from her. I tried, but Cassidy didn’t even consume me the way Maci does. It’s like, now that I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass, I’m trying to make up for all the time I’ve already lost with her. I can’t get enough of her, and I hate when I’m not near her. I hate that she’s mad at me right now, and it’s killing me because I know I still won’t tell her when I go home.”

“You have to tell her.”

“Amy, I just told you—”

“Tell her, or stop wasting her time. I know you’ve tried to protect me since Mom and Dad adopted us, and I appreciate what you did. But, I love you too much to let you ruin yourself and Maci like this.”

I just sat there, not knowing what to say after that. If only it was as simple as she made it seem.

Maci

TURNING AROUND TO face Amber, I blew out a deep breath and asked, “Okay, I look hot, right?”

“For the tenth time, yes, you do! I still don’t know why you’re trying to make him drool over you when you left his bed just this morning, but whatever.”

Amber wouldn’t understand what had happened between Connor and me this morning. It would seem stupid on my part, but she hadn’t seen the way Connor had hidden and protected his sister for as long as I’d known him. She was a huge part of his life, and I didn’t know what it was, but whatever it was he was keeping from everyone had everything to do with her.

Turning back toward the bar that I knew my brothers were at with Connor, I squared my shoulders and said, “Just want to make sure I drive him crazy tonight.”

“Mission accomplished. I’m betting he won’t last the entire time we’re here before he makes a move toward you.”

I smiled to myself. I was betting the same damn thing. I was wearing my dark skinny jeans with ridiculously high heels I’d borrowed from Amber, but the shirt . . . well, we’d gone on a hunt for it today. What little fabric there was, was a bright green color that connected in a knot low on the small of my back, and with a gold chain around my neck. The front was cut so low that I couldn’t wear a bra—not like I needed one anyway. It’d cost a stupid amount of money since all it covered was my boobs and stomach, but I was hoping it’d be worth it.

I’d spotted them sitting at a table with a pitcher of beer among them as soon as we walked in, and like he could sense I was there, he turned and his eyes went wide when he saw me. I watched as he took me in, and loved when his blue eyes met mine again. They were dark with want. Good.

Walking past their table, I paused when Dakota called my name, and tried not to smile. “Amber, please remember to stay away from my brothers tonight.”

“But they’re so—”

“You’re dating Aaron!” I hissed before turning around to walk toward their table. “Can I help you?” I asked lazily and eyed Dakota before punching Dylan’s arm when I caught him checking out Amber.

“The fuck are you wearing?” Dakota asked.

“Um . . . clothes?”

“You need to put more on,” Dylan added, and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.

“I’m not putting your jacket on, I look fine. Was there something else you needed?”

Dakota pinched my arm, and I smacked his hand as I jumped away from him. “We’ll be watching you, Maci.”

“That’s nice.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I turned without looking at Connor. Everything in me wanted to rebel against the action, but I had this planned out.

Twenty minutes after we’d walked away from the table, I walked toward the restrooms and waited in the hall, hoping like hell I would be right about this. And not two minutes later, Connor was storming down the hall toward me, a determined look on his handsome face.

Grabbing me around my waist, he hauled my body against his and pressed his lips down onto mine as he forced me back up against the wall. “You trying to kill me, sweetheart? Wearing something like this when you know I have to sit next to your brothers?”

Looking around the hall, he grabbed my hand and walked us into the women’s restroom and locked the door behind us. His hands were all over my bare back, gripping and pulling me closer, and he moved the front of my top aside to suck on one of my breasts.

I pulled on his hair, until he released my breast, and brought my mouth to his for a few seconds. “We have to get out of here. My brothers are going to realize I’m not with Amber and go looking for me.”

“I know, I know. Just . . . fuck. I can’t sit there next to them while you’re walking around looking like this.”

Looking at him from under my eyelashes, I rubbed my hand over his hard-on and bit down on my lip, loving when his eyes rolled back. “Then what are you going to do?”

“Give me a few minutes, I’ll check my phone and tell them I’m going to meet up with a girl. Ten minutes after I leave . . . no, fuck that. Five. Five minutes after I leave, you and Amber leave. If they ask where you’re going, tell them to another bar—and apologize to Amber for me for cutting your night short.”

“Her boyfriend is waiting for her at his place, she’ll be fine.”

With another hard kiss, Connor pushed away from me and moved my shirt back into place. “Five minutes after I leave, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting in your apartment.”

“See you soon.”

His eyes raked down my body one last time, and he harshly whispered, “Fuck!” before unlocking the door and walking out.

When I didn’t hear yelling from my brothers immediately after, I followed him out into the hall and smiled when he turned to wink at me before leaving the hall. I was so focused on him, I didn’t even notice the girl walking down the hall toward me until she was talking to me.