Navy Blues

"You’re the most important person in my life. I’m getting out of the Navy so I can be the kind of husband and father I should be."

"Oh, Steve." The joy that cascaded through her at that moment brought tears to her eyes.

"I can’t think of any other way to show you how serious I am."

Neither could Carol. Nevertheless his announcement worried her. Navy life was in Steve’s blood, and she didn’t know if he could find happiness outside the only career he’d ever known.

"Let’s not make such a major decision now," she suggested reluctantly. "There’ll be plenty of time to talk about this later."

Steve’s eyes filled with tenderness. "Whatever you say."

Humming softly, a nurse wandered into the room and greeted them. "Good morning."

"Morning," Carol answered.

The room was bathed in the soft light of day as the middle-aged woman opened the blinds.

"I’m sorry, but there won’t be any breakfast for you this morning. Dr. Stewart will be in later, and I’m sure he’ll schedule something for you to eat this afternoon."

Carol didn’t feel the least bit hungry. Her appetite had been almost nonexistent for months.

"I’ll check on you in an hour," the woman said on her way out the door.

Carol nodded. "Thank you." She was filled with nagging questions about what was going to happen. Naturally she hoped Dr. Stewart could give her a prescription and send her home, but she had the feeling she was being overly optimistic.

Steve must have read the doubt in her eyes because he said, "From what Dr. Stewart told me, he’s going to have you complete a series of tests this morning. Following those, we’ll be able to make a decision."

"What kind of tests? What kind of decision?"

"Honey, I don’t know, but don’t worry. I’m not leaving you – not for a minute."

Carol hated to be such a weakling, but she was frightened. "Whatever happens, whatever they have to do, I can take it," she said a little shakily.

"I know you can, love. I know you can."

As promised, for the next few hours Carol underwent several tests. She was pinched, poked and prodded and wheeled to several corners of the hospital. As Steve promised, he was with her each time they took her into another and waiting when she returned.

"Quit looking so worried," she told him, when she’d been wheeled back to her room once more. "I’m going to be fine."

"I know."

She slept after that and woke late in the afternoon. Once more Steve was at her bedside, leaning forward, his face in his hands.

"Bad news?" she asked.

He smiled and Carol could tell by the stiff way his mouth moved that the action was forced.

"What’s wrong?" she demanded.

He stood and came to stand beside her. She gave him her hand, her eyes wide with fear.

"Dr. Stewart assured me that under normal conditions, gall bladder surgery is optional. But not in your case. Your gall bladder is acutely swollen and is causing several complications to vital organs. It has to be removed, and the sooner the better."

Carol expelled her breath and nodded. She’d feared something like this, but she was young and healthy and strong; everything would be fine.

"He’s called in a surgeon and they’ve scheduled the operating room for you first thing tomorrow morning."

Carol swallowed her worry. "I can handle that."

"This isn’t minor surgery, Carol. I don’t think you’d appreciate me minimizing the risks."

"No…no, I wouldn’t."

"Dr. Stewart and his associate will be back later today to explain the details of what they’ll be doing. It’s major surgery, but you have several things in your favor."

She nodded, appreciating the fact that she would know precisely what the medical team would be doing to her body.

"What about the baby?"

Steve’s expression tightened and he lifted his eyes from hers. "The pregnancy poses a problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"If the surgery could be delayed, Dr. Stewart would prefer to do that, but it can’t be. Your life is at risk."

"What about the pregnancy?" Carol demanded. "I’m not agreeing to anything until I hear what will happen to my baby."

Steve’s eyes revealed myriad emotions. Worry and fear dominated, but there was something else – something that took her an extended moment to analyze. Something that clouded his features and ravaged his face. Regret, she decided, then quickly changed her mind. It was more than that – a deep inner sorrow, even remorse.

When Steve spoke, it was as if each word had to be tugged from his mouth. "I’m not going to coat the truth. There’s a chance the anesthesia will terminate the pregnancy."

"I won’t do it," she cried automatically. "The whole thing’s off. I’m not doing anything that will hurt my baby."

"Carol, listen to reason…"

"No." She twisted her head so that she wouldn’t have to look at him. As long as she drew a single breath there was no way she would agree to do anything that would harm her daughter.

"Honey," he whispered. "We don’t have any choice. If we delay the surgery, you could die."

"Then so be it."

"No." He almost shouted the word. "There’s a risk to the baby, but one we’re both going to have to take. There’s no other choice."

She closed her eyes, unwilling to argue with him further. Her mind was made up.

"Carol, I don’t like this any better than you do."

She refused to look at him and pinched her lips together, determined not to murmur a single word. Nothing he could say would change her mind.

The silence in the room was magnified to deafening proportions.

"I love you, Carol, and I can’t allow you to chance your life for a baby. If the worst happens and the pregnancy is terminated, then we’ll have to accept it. There’ll be other children – lots more – and the next time there won’t be any question about who the father is."

If Steve had driven a stake into her heart, he couldn’t have hurt her more. No words had ever been more cruel. No wonder he was so willing to tell her he’d decided to accept this child as his own. She would likely lose the baby, and believing what he did, Steve no doubt felt that was for the best.

Carol jerked her head around so fast she nearly dislocated her neck. "The next time there won’t be any questions?" she repeated in a small, still voice.

"I know this is painful for you, but – "

"I want this baby."

"Carol, please…"

"How long have you known about this danger?"

Steve looked stunned by her anger. "Dr. Stewart told me about the possibility after I brought you to the hospital yesterday."

Exactly what she’d expected. Everything Steve had done, everything he’d said from that point on was suddenly suspect. He wanted them to remarry and he was going to leave the Navy. His reasoning became as clear as water to her: he didn’t really long for a change in their life-style, nor had his offer to leave the Navy been a decision based on his desire to build a strong marital relationship. He didn’t dread their separations as she always had – he’d thrived on them. But if he wasn’t in the military, then he could spend his days watching her. There would be no opportunity for her to have an affair. And when she became pregnant a second time, he would have the assurance that the baby was indeed his. His offer hadn’t been made from love but from fear rooted in a lack of trust.

It amazed her, now that she thought about it, that he would be willing to give up such a promising career for her. He really did love her, in his own way, but not enough. Ultimately he would regret his decision, and so would she. But by then it would be too late.

"I’m probably doing a bad job of this," he said, and rammed his fingers through his hair. "I should have let Dr. Stewart explain everything to you."

"No," she said dispassionately. "What you’ve told me explains a good deal. You’ve been completely upfront with me and I appreciate what it cost you to tell me this. I…1 think it’s my turn to be honest with you now."

A dark frown contorted his features. "Carol…"

"No, it’s time you finally learned the truth. I hesitated when you asked me to marry you and there’s a reason. You don’t need to worry about me, Steve. You never had to. My baby’s father has promised to take care of me. When my plan to trick you didn’t work, I contacted him and told him I was pregnant. He thought about it for a couple of days and has decided to marry me himself. I appreciate your offer, but it isn’t necessary."

Steve looked as if she’d slipped a knife into his stomach.

"You’re lying."

"No, for once I’m telling you the truth. Go back to your life and I’ll go on with mine. We’ll both be far happier this way."

He didn’t move for several minutes. His hands curved around the raised railing at the side of the bed and she swore his grip was strong enough to permanently mark the bars. His eyes hardened to chips of glacial ice.

"Who is the father?" he demanded.

Carol closed her eyes, determined not to answer.

"Who is he?"

She looked away, but his fingers closed around her chin and forced her face back toward him.

"Todd?"

She was sick of hearing that name. "No."

"Who?"

"No one you know," she shouted.

"Is he married?"

"No."

A pounding, vibrating silence followed.

"Is this what you really want?"

"Yes," she told him. "Yes…."

A year seemed to pass before she heard him leave the room. When he did, each step he took away from her sounded like nails being pounded into a coffin.

It was finished. There was no going back now. Steve Kyle was out of her life and she’d made certain he would never come back.

Carol felt as if she were walking through a thick bog, every step was hindered, her progress painstakingly slow. A mist rose from the marsh, blocking her view, and she struggled to look into the distance, seeking the light, but she was met instead by more fog.

A soft cry – like that of a small animal – reverberated around her, and it took her a minute to realize she was the one who had made the sound.

She wasn’t in any pain. Not physically anyway.

The agony she suffered came from deep inside – a weight of grief so heavy no human should ever be expected to carry it. Carol couldn’t understand what had happened or why she felt this crippling sense of loss.

Then it came to her.

Her baby…they couldn’t delay the surgery. The fog parted and a piece of her memory slipped into place. Steve had walked away from her, and soon after he’d gone she’d suffered another attack that had doubled her over with excruciating pain. The hospital staff had called for Dr. Stewart and surgery had been arranged immediately. The option of waiting for even one day had been taken out of her hands.