My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories
Page 5“When we met here?”
“Yes. When we met. Downstairs. Sophomore year. And you saved my life.”
“I never saved your life, Noel.”
“Why do you always ruin this story?”
“You remember the song that was playing when we met?”
“I always remember the song that’s playing,” he said. “All the time.”
That was true, he did. All Mags could think to say now was, “What?”
Noel groaned.
“I don’t like to dance,” she said.
“You don’t like to dance in front of people,” he said.
“That’s true.”
“Just a minute.” Noel sighed and ran downstairs. “Don’t go anywhere,” he shouted up to her.
“I never go anywhere!” she shouted back.
She heard the song start over.
Then Noel was running back up the stairs. He stood on the step below her and held up his hands. “Please.”
Mags sighed and lifted up her hands. She wasn’t sure what to do with them …
Noel took one of her hands in his and put her other hand on his shoulder, curling his arm around her waist. “Jesus Christ,” he said, “was that so hard?”
“I don’t know why this is so important to you,” she said. “Dancing.”
“I don’t know why it’s so important to you,” he said. “Not to dance with me.”
She was a little bit taller than him like this. They were swaying.
Noel pulled Mags closer to let Mrs. Porter squeeze by. “Good,” he said.
“You guys really fell asleep against Michigan.”
“I’m not actually on the football team,” Noel said.
“That’s no excuse,” Mrs. Porter said.
Noel didn’t loosen his grip after Alicia’s mom was past them. His arm was all the way around Mags’s waist now, and their stomachs and chests were pressed together.
They’d touched a lot, over the years, as friends. Noel liked to touch. Noel hugged. And tickled and pulled hair. Noel pulled people into his lap. He apparently kissed anyone who raised their eyebrows at him on New Year’s Eve.…
But Noel had never held Mags like this.
Mags had never felt his belt buckle in her hip. She’d never tasted his breath.
Mrs. Porter came back up the stairs, and Noel held Mags even tighter.
“A Thousand Years” began again.
“Did you tell somebody to start it over?” Mags asked.
“I put it on repeat,” he said. “They’ll stop it when they notice.”
“Was this on the Twilight sound track?”
“Dance with me, Mags.”
“I am,” she said.
“I know,” he said. “Don’t stop.”
“Okay.” Mags had been holding herself rigid, so that she’d still be standing upright, even if Noel let go. She stopped that now. She relaxed into his grip and let her arm slide over his shoulder. She touched the back of his hair again because she wanted to—because it was still missing.
“You don’t like it,” he said.
“I do like it,” she said. “It’s different.”
Mags made a face that said, You’re crazy.
“You are,” Noel said.
“I’m exactly the same,” she said. “I’m the only one who’s the same.”
“You’re the most different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “It’s like we all left, and you let go—and you’re the one who drifted away.”
“That’s bananas,” Mags said. “I talk to you every day.”
“It’s not enough,” he said. “I’ve never seen this dress before.”
“You don’t like my dress?”
“No.” Noel shook his head. She wasn’t used to seeing him like this. Agitated. “I like it. It’s pretty. But it’s different. You’re different. I feel like I can’t get close enough to you.” He pushed his forehead into hers.
She pushed back. “We’re pretty close, Noel.”
He sighed, frustrated, and it filled her nose and mouth. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Mags frowned. “Maybe I do.”
He looked devastated and pulled his head back. “You wouldn’t tell me something like that?”
“No,” she said, “no—Noel, of course, I would. I’d tell you. I just don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know why I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“It’s going to get worse,” he said. “You’re going to keep changing.”
“Well, so are you,” she said.
“I never change.”
Mags laughed. “You’re a kaleidoscope. You change every time I look away.”
Mags shook her head. Her nose rubbed against his. “I love it.”
They’d stopped swaying.
“Are we still dancing?” she asked.
“We’re still dancing. Don’t get any big ideas, Margaret.” He let go of her hand and wrapped that arm around her, too. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“I never go anywhere,” Mags whispered.
He shook his head like she was a liar. “You’re my best friend,” he said.
“You have lots of best friends,” she said.
“No,” Noel said. “Just you.”
Mags held on to his neck with both arms. She pushed on his forehead. He smelled like skin.
“I can’t get close enough,” Noel said.
* * *
Somebody realized that the song was on repeat and skipped to the next one.
Somebody else realized that Mags and Noel were gone. Natalie came looking for Noel. “Noel! Come dance with me! They’re playing our song!”
It was that Ke$ha song.
Noel pulled away from Mags. He grinned at her sheepishly. Like he’d been silly on the stairway, but she’d forgive him, wouldn’t she? And there was a party downstairs, they should be at the party, right?
Noel went downstairs, and Mags followed.
The party had changed while they were gone: Everybody seemed a little bit younger again. They’d kicked off their shoes and were jumping on couches. They were singing all the words to the songs they always sang all the words to.