Music of the Heart

His face contorted into a mask of agony. “She’s going to leave me. Please say you’ll stay—even though I don’t deserve you.”

“I’m not going to leave you.” I eased down onto the ground to wrap my arms around him. “I’m going to be here for you every step of the way. Just lean on me,” I whispered in his ear. He began sobbing again, clutching me tight against him. “It’s okay, baby,” I murmured, running my hands over his back.

The rain continued beating down on us as Jake wept uncontrollably. When he finally started coming back to himself, he sighed raggedly. “I’m sorry, Angel.”

I eased out of his embrace to stare into his eyes. “No more apologies, okay?”

He nodded before rising to his feet. Offering me his hand, he pulled me up. Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he drew me to him as we started the walk back to the house. When we got inside, I was once again overwhelmed by all the friends and family filling the rooms. Jake ushered me inside his bedroom. AJ had brought my bag inside, so I quickly changed my drenched clothes while Jake did as well.

I was drying my hair when Jake appeared behind me in the bathroom. “Come with me to see Mama.” I quickly shut off the hairdryer and followed him across the hall. A hospital bed now sat in the room where Susan’s massive four-poster bed had once been. Her frail form seemed dwarfed in the bed. Her sister, Sally, and some of her nieces sat on the couch in the corner while her father perched in a chair. They acknowledged my presence with sad smiles.

Jake motioned for me to have a seat in one of the chairs pulled close to the bed. I eased down as I watched him sit down across from me. Jake took Susan’s hand in his and kissed it. “Mama, I’m here,” he said softly.

I don’t know how long we sat like that—still as statues and waiting for some kind of response from her. I gasped when Susan’s eyelids finally fluttered open, and she gazed around the room. I knew exactly who she was looking for. Once Jake reached forward and grabbed her hand, a beaming smile stretched across her face. “Jacob.”’

“Yes, Mama?”

“Do you remember the story I used to tell you about why you became a musician?”

Jacob’s brows furrowed as if he was confused by her question. “Um, yeah, I do, but what—”

She shook her head and then turned to me. “I’ve always teased Jacob that he owes all his success as a singer and guitarist to me.”

I smiled. “Does he?”

“Oh yes. Because of my studio and teaching dance lessons, he was surrounded by music while I was carrying him. He got hours of the greats like Mozart, Beethoven, and Brahms. I always felt him kicking the most when I was teaching a class. It was like he was letting me know he felt the music already.”

“That’s such a sweet story.”

Susan drew in a ragged breath. “You know I was never supposed to be able to have children. After four miscarriages, I had given up on ever giving birth to a child of my own. Mark and I had begun to look into adoption when I got pregnant again. With all the other pregnancies, I’d been so careful to stay off my feet in the early days and weeks, but this time I didn’t let myself get attached. Instead, I did everything I usually did—rode horses on my dad’s farm and taught dance classes from morning until night. I didn’t let myself believe that I could really be pregnant. But after another month passed and I was still pregnant, I began to hope and pray that this time it was for real. And when I got into my second trimester—weeks after I had lost the other babies, I knew I was finally going to have my miracle.”

She turned her head to gaze at Jake. Tears streamed freely down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother wiping them away. “My sweet son, you’ve always been the sunshine in my life—”

Pinching his eyes shut, Jake pleaded, “Don’t do this.”

“I have to say goodbye, honey, and you have to let me do this.”

His chest rose and fell with harsh sobs as he buried his face onto her chest. When her hand stroked the top of his head, I couldn’t hold my emotions back any longer, and I began to weep. At my sniffling, Susan smiled. “Abby, after I’m gone, I want you to remind Jacob of the story of his birth. When he gets so down and low that he cannot stand or when he thinks there isn’t any reason to go on, tell him the story. Remind him that he was a miracle and the most precious gift I ever received.”

Tears spilled across my face and dripped onto my lap as I leaned forward to take her hand in mine. “I will. I promise I will.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it before pressing it to my cheek. “I promise to make sure that he never, ever gives up, no matter how much he wants to.”

“I thank God he has you, sweet girl. You’ll take good care of each other.” She smiled as tears shimmered in her eyes. “You two are going to be so happy together and make the most beautiful grandchildren for me.”

Her words made both Jake and me cry even harder. “Oh Mama,” Jake sobbed. He reached up to tenderly kiss her cheek.

“You have to let me go, baby.”

He shook his head wildly back and forth. “I can’t do it. Please don’t ask me to do that.”

She rubbed her hand along his face. “It’s not goodbye for forever. We’ll see each other again. And until then, you live a full, happy life and make me proud.”

“I will.”

Susan smiled. “Now tell me goodbye.”

Jake’s anguished expression broke me, and I wept openly. His chest rose and fell with harsh breaths. “Goodbye, Mama. I love you so much.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. And I love you too.” Susan’s gaze then turned to me. “Abby, do you remember that angel song from Oh Brother Where Art Thou?”

We’d watched the movie together probably three or four times when I was recovering from my beating. She loved the Cohen Brothers films as much as she loved George Clooney. “Yes, Angel Band. I know it.”

“Sing it to me, please.”

I didn’t know how I could breathe through my sobs, let alone sing, but somehow I steadied myself and tried to draw on strength I didn’t know if I had. “My latest sun is sinking fast. My race is almost run,” I began.

“That’s it. So beautiful,” she murmured. She then closed her eyes while Jake kept his arms wrapped around her. As I kept on singing, a gentle smile formed on her lips. Her breathing grew more and more labored. When I got to the last verse, she drew in one last breath.