Melancholy

I don’t know where I find it, maybe it’s the pictures flashing in my head of Santana, but I lift my gun and I shoot him. He rolls off me, dislodging the knife. A gurgling, squelching sound fills the air. More gunshots ring out, and the shouting voices around me fade into dull hums. My eyes shut and the pain slowly leaves my body.

This must be what it feels like to die.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

2014 - Santana

Two hours into our guard, the guys that have been watching us, leave.

That must mean Mack has made it and a war has begun.

Another four hours later – my world crashes.

It crashes because they bring Maddox to me...broken, bloodied and barely alive.

~*~*~*~

He’s in the back of an SUV – his body covered in blood. So much so I can barely see any skin, and the skin I do see is battered. The voices around me drown out as I stare at the man I love, so broken and weak in the back of the car. My fingers won’t stop trembling and there’s so much emotion swirling inside me that I’ve gone beyond wanting to cry, and instead gone straight to feeling numb. I can’t...I can’t be weak.

He needs me.

Needs. Me.

My knees tremble and I use my hands to steady myself against the car as I stare down at Maddox. If he dies...no...no...I can’t. I can’t think like that. If I give up on him, where will that leave me? I’ll fight for him the way he’s fought for me. I won’t shed a tear, not a damned tear, until he’s looking into my eyes again.

“We’ve got to move out, now!” Krypt barks.

“We gotta get him to a hospital,” Mack argues.

“Riskin’ too fuckin’ much takin’ him to a hospital. One of those men could have gotten away, or worse, the cops could show up. We don’t want to be anywhere nearby if that shit goes down.”

“We left over fifteen dead fuckin’ bodies,” Mack growls. “It’s going to be found by the cops, they might even find evidence, but they’re goin’ to find enough out about Atreau to keep them busy. That fucker is dead – we need to get Maddox to a hospital.”

“No,” Krypt barks, his fists clenching. “He’s goin’ to be in for a solid week, if not two. We can’t risk bein’ around here long. Besides, a man comes in, in his condition, and news hits about Atreau...you think they won’t piece it together?”

“I won’t fuckin’ let you load my brothers half dead body onto a plane. He’ll fuckin’ die.”

“We gotta protect this club. This is what he’d want!” Krypt snarls.

The two lunge at each other, fists begin to fly. I stare at them, my expression blank as I watch them pummel each other into the ground. I turn and stare at Maddox. His breathing is ragged. He could die at any second. I close my eyes, fighting back my emotion as I try to think with a clear head. What would Maddox want?

I already know.

He’d want us home – for safety.

But taking him home could mean stealing his life. He’s barely hanging on. My mind swims and my chest feels like someone has dived in and ripped my heart out. I’m selfish, I don’t want to lose him, but I also love him and know where his heart lies. His heart is with his club...that leaves only one choice.

“Enough,” I yell, so loudly they stop fighting. “Krypt is right, Mack. We can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous and we can’t afford to be arrested in another country. We’ve got one choice, and that’s to take him home.”

“He’ll fuckin’ die-”

I cut Mack off.

“No,” I growl. “No, Mack. Because we’re going to find a doctor, I don’t know how, but we are. Someone to fix him in private for a whole lot of money.”

Krypt’s face is bloodied all over again. He is also in bad condition, so he couldn’t afford to be beaten again.

“And if you two hit each other again, I’ll find a God damned knife and stab you so fuckin’ hard you’ll take Maddox’s place. Your brother and president is lying there, fucking dying. Pull your heads out of your ass and fucking figure something out,” I step forward, my hands shaking. “I won’t lose the man I love because of you two.”

Both men stare at me, but it’s Mack who speaks first. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Tyke,” he barks. “Make a call, find a fuckin’ doctor and do it fast. I’ve got a whole lot of cash, I’ll pay whatever it takes.”

Tyke nods and pulls out his phone.

I stare around at the broken men – battered, bloody and standing like they’re lost. I count them. I don’t know who they had here, so I don’t know how many are missing, but I do notice one. “Where’s Rhyder?”

Krypt’s face drops, if it could, his expression would break to pieces and fall to the ground. My heart clenches. I know what he’ll tell me even before he says it.

“He got shot. He’s dead.”

My mind swims, twists and turns until I’m forced to my knees, vomit rising up my throat and rocketing out all over the pavement. Pippa is by my side in a second, her hands rubbing my back. “It’s okay,” she soothes. “It’s okay.”

I vomit until there’s nothing left. Tears leak out of my eyes because of the exertion, but I squash them back down. I have to do this for Maddox, for Rhyder. God, Rhyder. He was such a good guy. I liked him, a lot. I hadn’t spent a lot of one on one time with him, sure, but he was there for the last five years and he was part of the family.