Melancholy

~*~*~*~

Driving to the hospital has never taken so long. The walk down the halls seems to go on and on; even at the fastest pace I can manage. By the time I reach Maddox’s room, I’m shaking. I hesitate at the door, my hand hovering over the handle. I close my eyes when I feel the hand curling around my shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Ash whispers. “Go on.”

I take a deep breath and push the door open. The first thing I see is Mack’s back and a whole lot of nurses and a doctor. I take a shaky step in, my hand going out to rest on Mack’s shoulder. He turns, staring down at me with a smile. I don’t take long to focus on it; instead I let my eyes travel past him to the blue eyes set on me.

Something inside me breaks as I take in the face of the man I love. His eyes, God, so perfect, are bloodshot. His cheeks seem slightly sunken and his lips are paler than usual. He looks beaten, broken and sore. I shove past the nurses in my way, ignoring their protests. I reach Maddox and my hand curls around his. There is so much inside me, so much hurt and emotion, yet none of it comes out.

“Hey,” he croaks.

“Hey,” I whisper, my voice too shaky.

“Miss,” the doctor says, “can you step back.”

“No,” I growl, so low it has him stepping back.

I turn back to Maddox, lowering my face and pressing my forehead to his. A gesture that means so much to us. It means more than a kiss. More than a hug. It’s our love. His breath comes in short bursts against my cheek, and I breathe him in. Even in the hospital, I can still smell a slight amount of him coming through.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

“No,” he croaks. “Fuckin’...no.”

His big hand lifts, curling around my cheek and he holds my forehead to his. His arm shakes and I know how hard it is for him to keep his hand up, but he does. My big, beautiful, strong man.

“I understand you’re relieved,” the doctor begins. “But we need to check him. Please, miss.”

I pull back slightly and Maddox nods, weak and short. I press a kiss to his cracking lips, feeling that familiar burn in my nose. I step back, my entire body breaking out in shakes that weren’t there before.

It happens. There and then.

Everything I’ve held in, all the strength I’ve shown, it all crumbles. My entire body begins to shake and a heart-wrenching sob rips from my throat, causing everyone to turn and stare at me. Maddox’s eyes fill with a pain I’ve never seen coming from him, and it only makes it worse. I back up towards the door.

God.

Why now.

“Sweetheart.”

A soft voice. Mack’s...I think.

“Come on, let’s get you some fresh air.”

I shake my head. “I c-c-c-can’t leave him.”

My voice comes out broken and pathetic. Tears are streaming down my face.

“Let’s just-”

“I can’t leave him!” I scream. “Don’t you fucking dare take me away.”

The doctor looks at me, stepping away from Maddox.

“How about we give them a minute,” he suggests to the nurses. “His vitals are good. We’ll return in an hour.”

Before I know it, the room has cleared. Maddox is still watching me, his face breaking my heart even more. Mack looks to his brother, then back to me and says, “I’m going to get coffee.”

Then he’s gone.

And we’re alone.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

2014 - Santana

“Come here,” Maddox says, his voice sounding like a growl even though I’m sure that’s not possible.

“Y-y-y-you’re hurt and-”

“Here, Santana.”

“He s-s-s-stabbed you. T-t-t-t-twisted the knife and-”

“Baby,” he whispers. “Here.”

“Y-y-y-y-you had so much blood.”

“Santana-”

“W-w-w-we had to pay a doctor just to get you home and-”

“Santana-”

My wall breaks and I sob, “I thought I’d lost you.”

His eyes soften and he reaches out a hand. “Come to me, please baby.”

I go to him, crawling into his bed and into his arms. He wraps them around me, wincing in pain. I try to move but his arms tighten, even weak he’s so strong. His face is pressed against my head and I can hear him breathing me in. I sob and sob, shaking and croaking his name until my body is drained of tears. My trembling stops and I sink into him.

Nurses come in and out, Mack returns and leaves, and eventually my eyelids become heavy. Before I drop off to sleep, I whisper, “I love you Maddox. Never leave me again.”

I don’t hear his response.

~*~*~*~

2014 - Maddox

My entire body fuckin’ hurts. My bones, my skin, my insides. It’s all burning. My arm is numb, but there’s no way I’m moving the tiny, fragile form wrapped around me. It could drop off, but there’s no way she’s leaving my arms. Seein’ her break down, all those tears, the way she shook, it fuckin’ killed me. Took everything inside me not to break along with her.

The memory of being stabbed has played over and over in my head. Pushin’ it down is proving to be harder than I imagined.

“She asleep?”

I turn my head to see Mack standing at the door. He looks as fuckin’ terrible as Santana does. His hair is a fuckin’ rats nest and his eyes are dark.

“Yeah,” I say, still starin’ at him. “You okay, bro?”