Melancholy

“I don’t fuckin’ care about him,” Maddox barks.

“No,” I say, letting the tears fall. “But you’re supposed to care about me.”

I turn and rush off down the hall, slipping into my room. I try to ring Alec, but he doesn’t answer. I can’t let him go thinking that I was using him. I wasn’t; I like him a lot. I don’t want to stop dating him, because I know we could be good together. He could be what gets me out of here. He could be real for me.

After tonight, it’s clear Maddox and I will never change.

I stuff my phone in my pocket and stare out my window. I’ve climbed out of Maddox’s window many times, but this one is different. I stare at the apartments across from us. There would be a way out, but it certainly won’t be easy. It’s worth the risk. I shove the window up, staring down.

It’s only a one-story home, so it’s not far to go. I throw my leg over the side and slip out unnoticed. I run through the backyard, not looking back at the lights coming from the house. I find a large fence, blocking our house from the apartments next door. I could get over it, not easily...but I could. After five failed attempts, one harsh drop to my ass and a sore wrist, I get over. I rush out to the street.

I stop a cab and slip in.

“Where to, miss?”

I give him Alec’s address and sit back in the seat, fumbling around with my fingers as I nervously pray I haven’t been followed. Halfway there, my phone rings. I glance down to see Maddox’s number. He’s figured out I’ve gone. My heart hammers.

Another moment later, it rings again. Ash this time. This goes on until I’ve got more than eight missed calls. Finally, a text message flicks through. I stare at the words and my heart clenches. I know Maddox will be filled with rage over this, but I had to do it. He was cruel to Alec, and Alec didn’t deserve that.

M – Get the fuck back here, right now. So help me God, Santana, if you don’t do as I’m tellin’ you, you’ll regret it.

Anger swells inside my chest and I angrily type out my response.

S – Here’s something for you. Go fuck yourself.

I turn the phone off before he can reply. I stare out the window in silence as we drive, and when we arrive at Alec’s I pay the driver before slipping out. I stand in the front yard, checking to see if I’ve been followed before walking up to the front door. Hesitantly, I knock.

Alec answers nearly immediately, and when he sees me, his eyes widen and then harden. “Why are you here?”

“Can I come in, please?” I whisper. “Please, Alec.”

With a grunt, he shoves the door open and lets me in. His house is huge, and perfectly arranged. It has polished wooden floors, stark white walls and expensive furniture. He points to the couch and I sit down, staring over at him when he sits over from me.

“What Maddox said . . .”

“Was he lying?”

I bite my bottom lip, shaking my head. “No, but you need to understand something about Maddox and I . . . We . . . we have a bond. He saved my life. What he did back there was wrong, and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t have time for games, Santana.”

I jerk my head up. “I’d never do that.”

“Do you love him?”

I hesitate, and it scares the shit out of me. I shake my head quickly, hoping he didn’t notice my pause. “No, but I do care about him. I kissed him, yes, I won’t lie. It meant nothing.”

God, I’m lying. I can feel it with everything I am. But I care about Alec; I have to give this a chance. I have to. Maddox and I can never be.

“How do I know that’s the truth?”

I look at him. “I care about you, Alec, and I want to get to know you better. That’s the truth.”

“Prove it.”

“P-p-prove it?” I whisper.

“You push me away every time we get to more than a kiss. You tell me he means nothing, so prove it.”

I want to show him I want to try. I need to try, for my sake and Maddox’s. We can’t keep hanging onto this nonsense and treating each other the way we do. He needs to move on and so do I, because there is no future for us. There never has been.

I lean forward and press my lips to Alec’s mouth, knowing what to do, knowing what I want. It’s time. He kisses me back, moving his mouth over mine. His hands slide up and down my back, almost soothingly. I kiss him harder, closing my eyes, shoving everything else from my mind.

Just here and now, Santana. Here and now.

Alec groans throatily when my fingers slide up his shirt, feeling his firm muscle. He doesn’t even hesitate. His hands move over my body, fondling my breasts and clutching my ass. It’s slightly rough, but I’m trying to go along with it. I’ve never done this before; I don’t know how it’s meant to feel. I’m letting him take the lead.

He makes light work of my clothes and lays me down over the couch. He throws his shirt off until he’s in only his jeans. He looks good, really well-built and handsome. I smile up at him, and he strokes a thumb over my chin before leaning down and kissing me again.

His fingers trail down between my legs and I flinch upon first contact. I whimper as he slides his finger over my clit, stroking it softly. It feels nice, really good. He slips down further, pushing a finger inside my depths. My mouth opens and a ragged cry comes out, because God, it burns.

He doesn’t notice. His mouth is now on my breasts, and his fingers are sliding in and out of my unprepared body. Oh God. Oh God, it hurts so badly. I didn’t expect the first time to be pleasurable, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad, either. I close my eyes, trying to relax my body, trying to feel his mouth on me.