Man and Maid

"Indeed, it is not bad," she said--"You misunderstand me--."

I knew now that she was angry with herself for having hurt me--and that

I could have made capital out of this, but something in me would not let

me do that.

"Oh--it is all right--" I replied, but perhaps my voice may have been

flat and discouraged--for she went on so kindly.

"You know a great deal about the subject of course--but I feel the

chapters want condensing--May I tell you just where?"

I felt that the thing did not interest me any more, one way or another,

it was just a ridiculous non-essential--. I saw it all in a new

perspective--but I was glad she seemed kindly--though for a moment even

that appeared of less importance. Something seemed to have numbed me.

What, what could be the good of anything?--the meaning of anything?--I

unconsciously put my head back against the cushion of my chair in

weariness--I felt the soft silk and shut my eye for a moment.

When Miss Sharp spoke again, her voice was full of sympathy--and was it

remorse--?

"I would like to help you to take interest in it--again--won't you let

me?" she pleaded.

I was grateful that she did not say she was sorry she had hurt me--that

I could not have stood--.

I opened my eye now and looked at her, she was bending nearer to me, but

I felt nothing particular, only a desire to go to sleep and have done

with it all. It was as if the fabric of my make-believe had been rent

asunder.

"It is very good of you," I answered politely--"Yes--say what you

think."

Her tact is immense--she plunged straight into the subject without

further imputation of sympathy,--her voice, full of inflections of

interest and friendliness, her constrained self-control laid aside for

the time. She spoke so intelligently, showing trained critical

faculties--and at last my numbness began gradually to melt, and I could

not help some return of sensation. There may have been soothing syrup in

the fact that she must have been interested in the work, or she could

not have dissected it chapter by chapter, point by point, as she was

doing.

She grew animated as we discussed things, and once unconsciously took

off her glasses--It was like the sun coming out after days of storm

clouds--her beautiful, beautiful blue eyes!--My "heart gave a bound"--(I

believe that is the way to express what I mean!)--I felt a strange

emotion of excitement and pleasure--I had not time to control my

admiration, I expect,--for she took fright and instantly replaced them,

a bright flush in her cheeks--and went on talking in a more reserved

way--Alas!-Of course then I realized that she does not wear the glasses for any

reason of softening light or of defective sight, but simply to hide

those blue stars and make herself unattractive--.