Loving Mr. Daniels

Ryan told me that he would see me at lunch. There were only a few more students left in the class. I moved over to my desk and picked up my books. “Mr. Daniels, I have a question on the reading assignment. Do you think you can help me?”

He narrowed his eyes on me. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” That was the most he’d said to me in the past hour. The last student walked out of the room and he sighed. “Ashlyn—”

“Is it because of the letter I gave you? About loving you? Because if it is—”

“Ashlyn, no. That’s not it. I swear.”

“Then it’s simply because you’re a jerk?” I waited for the response he never gave me. “I have another letter for you from my sister.” He arched an eyebrow.

I placed one down on his desk. On the front it read: #25. Broken Hearts Club. He sighed, reached for it, and opened it. As I watched him pull out a photo of Gabby, I gasped. I almost lost it completely right then and there when I saw her. She was looking straight into the camera, holding up both of her middle fingers. That’s my girl.

On the back of the picture were the words “Fuck you for hurting her!” in black sharpie.

I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t.

Daniel smiled. “She had your charm.”

He was wrong though. Gabby was a lot more charming than I was. “You told me you wanted me to be yours…” I whispered, moving closer to his desk.

“I know, Ashlyn. And I do… It’s just… It’s complicated.”

I rolled my eyes. “For a very smart guy, you sure are a complete idiot. I’m the definition of complicated, Daniel. What’s the deal? You ignored me all night because of your brother—”

“Are you talking about me?”

There he was again, standing in Daniel’s doorway looking at us. I turned to face him and saw the shock in his eyes from seeing me.

“Oh… Oh wow.”

Oh no.

“This is new, huh? Going for the students, are we?” He moved into the classroom and sat on the edge of Daniel’s desk.

“It’s not what it looks like, Jace…” Daniel said in a low growl.

Jace.

I didn’t know the devil had such a sweet name.

“Really?” He leaned in closer, whispering to Daniel. “Because it looks like you’re f**king your student.”

My mouth dropped wide, shocked by his words. “We haven’t—”

“Ashlyn!” Daniel hissed, slamming his hand against his desk. “Don’t talk to him.”

“Don’t worry. I just dropped by to say hi. Here.” Jace pulled out a piece of paper and slapped it into his brother’s hand. “Call me for a little brotherly bonding later on. I’ll bring the beer. You bring the chicks?” He gave me a full-grown smile and I wanted so much to knock him out. “Just make sure mine are legal. I already did enough time behind bars.” He disappeared from the classroom, leaving me astonished.

Daniel’s jaw clenched and he lowered his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “I need you to leave, Ash.”

“What does he have on you?” I wondered out loud.

We had been fine until his brother showed up. For a split second, I could’ve sworn we had even been…happy.

He ignored me. I released an uncomfortable laugh and squirmed around in my shoes before I turned to walk away. I’d been so stupid to even think for a second that we were us.

I should’ve never stopped by to see Daniel weeks ago when I saw him standing alone in the cemetery.

I should’ve kept walking. I should’ve pretended I hadn’t seen him.

But I had seen him.

And for a small moment in time, he’d seen me, too.

Hailey didn’t show up for lunch. I noticed that Theo wasn’t in the cafeteria either. Sitting down at the table, I sighed when I saw Daniel looking my way. He glanced away fast before anyone else could notice.

Ryan came walking over and slammed his tray down. “Okay, I know I said she had to learn on her own about Theo, but I really thought she would have made better choices.”

“She’s smart. She’ll be fine,” I said, taking some fries from his tray.

“If he hurts her again…” His voice was somber as he looked around, waiting for Hailey to walk in. “I’ll kill him.” His hand went into his pocket and he pulled out his fake pack of cigarettes.

“Ryan, what is that exactly?” I asked, curiosity finally pushing me far enough to want to question him about his fake cigarette habit.

He eyed his fingers, which were holding an invisible cigarette. A frown found his lips and he placed his hands on the table. “When I was thirteen, I told my dad I thought I was g*y.”

My heart stopped beating at the mention of his dad. I’d never heard him or Hailey ever talk about their father before.

Ryan continued. “I cried and cried because we went to church, ya know? And Mom believed in hell. She still does, of course. She would tell us how sinning was wrong, how bad-doers would go to hell. So I knew how I was feeling wasn’t right. I wasn’t right.”

Oh, Ryan…

“Dad told me it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I was his kid and he loved me. He said he would talk to Mom, and I begged him not to. I begged him to keep it between us. A few nights later, I sat at the top of the staircase in our house and listened to them fight. About me. He told her that he thought I might be g*y but never stated it as a fact.” Ryan narrowed his eyes, looking at his fingers. “She called him a liar and a bunch of bullshit things. I guess she accused him of cheating on her, too. Which was stupid. He would never…” He paused. “She told him to leave. To never come back. I rushed to my bedroom. From my window, I watched him walk outside to the front of the house. He lit up a cigarette and started smoking it, running his hands through his hair. Then he got into his car and left.”