Loving Lawson

His eyes travelled about my face, making every inch of it burn as hot as his skin, before he nodded once. “Yeah, wow. I do actually.” His hand roamed the lower part of my belly, cupping the tiny bump that seemed to have emerged overnight, giving me tingles I shouldn’t be feeling in places too taboo to admit. “That’s insane, Allie.”

“I know.”

“Can you feel him yet?”

Him. I laughed lightly. “You think it’s a boy?”

He smirked at me. “The Lawson’s are known for having tons of boys. I’ve got twenty male cousins you know.”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Because he’d be another Adonis.”

Now both brows went up.

Ah, great. Did he think I was complimenting him? Well, of course I was in a way, but I wasn’t intending on it to sound flirtatious or anything. I’d just… Well… I was referring to all of them, but he didn’t seem to want to recognize that with the smug look on him.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I told him.

“You just complimented me,” he replied, playfully. “I’m flattered.”

“I wasn’t referring to you.”

“Who were you referring to?”

“All of you, obviously.”

“All of me? Wow, I didn’t think you looked at different parts of my body separately. Which part grabbed you the most? Was it my very big... lips?”

I laughed. “Oh, my God, you didn’t just say that.”

“I did.”

“You know what I meant!”

“Either way, that’s still a compliment to me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because you’re good looking doesn’t mean everything has to immediately be about you.”

He tilted his head to the side and his mouth slowly formed into a wide smile. “You think I’m good looking?”

Oh, God.

My body was seriously enjoying this strange conversation while my brain was screaming expletives.

“Anyways,” I quickly said, steering the conversation far, far away, “back to the question: no, I don’t feel peanut moving around yet. I won’t for a while, either.”

“Will you tell me when you do?”

I shrugged. “Do you want me to tell you when I do?”

He nodded with genuine interest. “Absolutely. I’ve never felt anything like that. I imagine it would be pretty cool. It’s still bizarre to think my nephew is in here.”

Whatever heated feelings I had a moment ago cooled off instantly. Nephew. He has his nephew inside you, Allie.

A few more seconds passed, and he still hadn’t moved his hand away. I watched him lick his bottom lip slowly, noticed the slow movement of his chest rising and falling, and all the while he just gazed at me like it was the last time he ever would.

“Are you waiting for him, Allie?” he abruptly asked in the gentlest voice. “Because you never really answered.”

The question was so random. I blinked at him in surprise, trying to sort my thoughts out. I couldn’t even connect to my brain when he was looking at me the way he was, so closely and interestedly. My first thought was to ask him why he wanted to know.

“Um,” I was completely speechless. I had to look away just to think clearly. Was I waiting for Ryker? I wanted to tell Heath no, because my heart couldn’t take it anymore with his brother – he hurt me too much. But what would Heath think of me? Would he think I was callous? Was it too hasty telling him I wasn’t going to wait? I could possibly pretend to be thinking on it still, but…

“Sorry,” Heath then said with a conflicted look, “shit, it’s none of my business. I’ve just been thinking about him and the way he asked about you when I saw him last. You know, desperate for you and all.”

Desperate for me? Now a lump formed in my throat and I had to clear it away just to breathe right. All this thinking about what Heath would think of me and I hadn’t stopped to consider how devastated Ryker would be. Shit.

“Are you asking me as a way to get me to see him?” I wondered aloud.

“No,” he replied immediately. “Absolutely not, Allie. I just want to know if you’re alright. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and you don’t talk about him.”

“He hurt me,” I whispered. “I feel like he tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.”

“Yeah,” he exhaled. “He fucked things up for everyone.”

“How could I ever trust him again?” Now I was seeking the answer in his dark eyes. “It’d be easier to face if he would just admit he did it, but I know how stubborn he is. He won’t do that. He’ll just keep telling me he’s sorry without actually explaining why. How do I know he won’t get out and go right back to it? That’s no example I want to set for my child.”

He nodded in understanding. “I know.”

His thumb circled my belly as he thoughtfully looked back down at it. Christ, he was still touching me there. No pregnant woman had to endure this, I was sure.

“Have I upset you?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

He still hadn’t dropped his hand. His touch was hypnotic, and I was in a trance, thinking he could do this for hours and it’d be just as relaxing.

“You’re still small,” he then muttered thoughtfully, changing the subject. “Am I feeding you enough?”

I nodded, half of me too focused on the circular motions he was rubbing into my skin. “Yeah, Heath…”

“How about I take you out tonight? Get you a nice fatty meal in town or something?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I was still concentrated on his touch as it sent tingles everywhere inside of me. “Um… sure, yeah. That sounds good.”

He smiled that charming white smile and opened his mouth to respond when a knock at the front door interrupted us. He immediately dropped his hand and took a step back, like he’d been jolted into the present after being swept away in whatever spell we’d put ourselves in. I, too, was out of sorts. It almost felt like we’d been close to being caught doing something we shouldn’t have.

When the knock sounded again, he ran a hand through his buzz in what looked like frustration before he hurried to it. I wondered who it could be at this early hour, but by the look on Heath’s face, he seemed to already know.