Love Unrehearsed

“Doesn’t matter. You need them. You need to regulate the serotonin. It’s not a sign of weakness, Ryan. And it doesn’t make you any less of a man. It’s a body imbalance, that’s all. There’s no shame in that.” He closed his eyes. “I tried to work through it on my own but I feel like I can’t shake it. It’s like a never-ending loop. Seeing the disappointment on my father’s face when they put me in that squad car; I know it broke his heart. I did that to him. Me.” Ryan

rubbed his palm over the center of his breast plate. “It presses in on me, right here. Like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe.”

“I know, but we can change that. You don’t have an addictive bone in your body, Ryan. You need to take one little pill to regulate your body chemistry. That’s all.”

“Okay,” he whispered, conceding. “I’ll start taking them again. I can’t live like this.”

“I’ll make an appointment for you to see my doctor. We’ll get your smile back. I promise.”

It was Monday. We’d been back in Seaport for two weeks when my birth father called again. Ryan, Mike, Marie, and I were at Seaport’s Sandy Cove Beach enjoying the hot weather and gorgeous day. Ryan and Mike were tossing a football back and forth while from the comforts of our beach chairs Marie and I enjoyed the incredible sights of them shirtless and tan.

It was pure elation seeing Ryan smiling and having a great time. It was like he’d been totally rejuvenated. He was on new medication for hypothyroidism, and the differences were almost night and day.

I waved at Ryan to come over.

He opened the cooler lid, grabbed two bottles of ice-cold water, tossed one at Mike, and used the cooler as a seat. “What’s up?”

“I just talked to Joe.”

Ryan pushed his sunglasses up on his head, looking at me quizzically. “And?”

“He’d like us to come out to Lake Tahoe.” He made that audible exhale noise, seeming none too pleased with that idea. “I don’t know.”

Okay, so he wasn’t even in the same ball-park with my enthusiasm. We had a silent standoff until Ryan said, “I’ve got to be honest. I’m not seeing the benefit here. The man hasn’t been in your life at all and I’m inclined to keep it that way.” I was momentarily distracted watching Mike, who was holding his hand out for Marie. I felt my heart flutter just from the look he wore on his face. He tugged her up from her chair and, without saying a word, walked off with her as if she were a prize, holding her hand as he did. I couldn’t help but fall in love watching them enjoying each other, walking in the surf, bumping into each other, Marie gripping on to his muscular arm with both hands. Her beaming up at him and him beaming right back. It was like watching the best part of a love story.

“They make a great couple.”

Ryan glanced over his shoulder and then back to me. “They have what we have.” He smirked.

I smiled. “I know.”

He tossed his chin. “It’s a much better fit for both of them.”

I was so damn happy seeing their love blossoming, it was hard to contain it. “I agree.”

Ryan’s smile fell. “Back to this Joe business. Taryn, I want to trim all the variables off. Things are finally getting back on track for us and I’m not looking to add any crazy onto the pile. You want to meet him, we’ll set it up, but not without me being there. First sign of potential bullshit, I’m pulling you out and we’re on a plane.”

“I want to meet him.”

Ryan chewed on his bottom lip. “Did he come clean with his wife?”

“Yes. He said she was understanding about it and she and the girls want to meet me.”

Ryan nodded before putting me back under his scrutinizing gaze. “This really a road you want to go down?”

I knew he was just trying to shield me from further hurt. “Yes. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder. I need to put that part of me to rest, Ryan.”

He reluctantly agreed. “Okay, if that’s what you need, I’ll get our flights booked.” I grinned at him. He didn’t need to utter the “I love you” words for me to know how much he did. “Thank you, babe.” He dropped his shades back down. “Pete going to be all right managing the bar while we’re gone?”

I reviewed my mental calendar. We had the Teen Choice Awards coming up, and then Ryan had to do some fittings in ll.A. for the third Seaside film.

I nodded, quite confident that I’d made the right decision. He’d lost all of the book-ings he had for the summer, having to sub out the work to another guy, so he was more than thankful for the job. “He’ll be just fine.