Lost & Found

I wasn’t saying I was blameless in the whole denial of trust thing. Plenty of people had plenty of reasons to distrust me. What I’d grown tired of was everyone automatically assuming that because I’d done it before, I’d do it all the time. When people started expecting everything coming out of your mouth to be a lie, you just stopped trying.

But that’s not the way it was at Willow Springs. I was given the benefit of the doubt. I wasn’t labeled a liar because I’d been caught telling one. I wasn’t labeled a good many of the names I’d been called before. I was given a fresh start.

Maybe that’s why I made a vow to never tell another lie to another Walker. Or let one Walker lie to another Walker because of me. I wouldn’t repay their faith in me by disappointing them.

I didn’t know what the end of summer would bring, or what the kids at my new school would think of me when I showed up, but at Willow Springs, I was Rowen Sterling. Nothing else.

In one week’s time, I’d kept that vow. I hadn’t lied once to any of the Walkers, although I’d come close. Instead of answering Rose when she asked if I knew why Jesse had been so out of sorts the morning he’d left, I’d pretended my cell phone had just rung and dodged out the back door to take my imaginary call. Honesty through omission. It wasn’t the best case scenario, but it was a far cry from the worst.

Between chores and sleep, I spent my free time drawing. Anything. And everything. Rose’s hands as she kneaded bread dough in the morning, the hat wall beside the dining table, the girls picking strawberries, hell, I even sketched Old Bessie . . . I drew it all, but mostly, I drew Jesse. I never meant to, but halfway into my sketch, I’d realize his eyes were shining back at me, and even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t scrap it and start again. So I finished those sketches, and then I had a book full of Jesse. It made the week without him pass a little faster.

It was Saturday night, and I was anxious about that for several reasons. One, because it was the night of the big dance and barbecue everyone had been talking about nonstop. Two, because it was the night Jesse was scheduled to come home. And three, because I didn’t want Rose to freak out when she saw what I’d done to her three daughters who were the very definition of natural beauty.

We’d been stowed away in Lily’s room for a couple of hours, spraying, swiping, and curling the heck out of each other. Well, I’d been doing the spraying, swiping, and curling. The girls, except for Clementine, had managed to sit still and endure it.

“Curly or straight?” I asked Lily once I finished powdering her nose and highlighting her brow bone.

Lily made a face as she considered it, trying not to smear her pale pink lipstick. She looked older but not offensively so. When Lily mentioned that morning she wasn’t super excited to go to the dance, I of course asked her why. She said she felt ordinary and overlooked whenever she went to one of those things. She said she didn’t feel like she fit in. After giving her a hug and telling her she should have her head examined, I suggested we turn her bedroom into a makeshift salon so I could give her a few makeup and hair tips.

Once Hyacinth and Clementine saw what we were up to, they refused to be left out. Clementine was easy, except for her bouncing around like a rabbit on speed. I curled her hair and let her slick on a coat of lip balm. Done. Hyacinth was a teenager, but just barely, so after doing her hair, I let her talk me into some mascara and lip gloss and prayed Rose or Neil wouldn’t skin me.

Since Lily was sixteen, I took a little more time with her eyes and added a touch of blush. I found myself chuckling a few times as I anguished over using a light hand with the girls’ makeup. I usually used the opposite with my own makeup.

Lily’s face flattened as she finally made up her mind. “Curly.”

I almost sighed. The Walker girls had some long, thick hair that took forever to curl.

“Rowen!” Clementine called to me as I grabbed the curling iron. “Will you put some of that eyeliner stuff on me, too?”

“I most certainly will not,” I replied as I wrapped the first chunk of Lily’s hair around the iron. “If you keep bouncing like that, those curls are going to bounce right out of your hair.” I tried to give her a stern look as she bounced on the end of Lily’s bed, but it didn’t work. Staring sternly at a little girl with perfect little ringlets bouncing up and down in a dress that was five sizes too big for her was impossible.

Her bouncing stopped immediately as she patted her hair to make sure those curls were still in place. “Lily!” We were less than ten feet away, but Clementine was big into shouting. “Can I pick out another dress to try on?”

Lily sighed. “Yes, just not the one I’m wearing tonight.”

“Yippee!” Clementine dive-bombed from the bed and rushed toward Lily’s closet where Hyacinth was looking for her own dress.

“Okay, I could smell the hairspray fumes and burning hair from the porch.” The door swung open and in stepped someone I hadn’t expected to see right that minute. The curling iron almost slipped from my hands.

“Jesse!” Clementine went from running to the closet to sprinting toward her brother. She tripped on the dress right as she made it to him, but he caught her before she crashed and burned.

After giving her a quick hug and greeting his other sisters, his eyes shifted to me. Everything about him seemed hesitant, unsure. I knew I mirrored the feeling.

“Hey,” he said, staying firmly planted in the doorway.

“Hey,” I said. My heart thundered to life with two lame words exchanged between us.

“How was your week?” His voice wasn’t quite cool, but it wasn’t warm either. It was almost . . . conventional. Maybe that was worse than cool.

“All right,” I said with a shrug. “How was your week?”

“All right.”

We had that repeating each other thing down.

“Don’t we look beee-u-teee-ful, Jesse?” Clementine asked, tugging on his hand to get his attention.

“Positively,” he replied with a smile. So he could still form one, just not for me. “Did a fairy godmother come wave her wand your way or something?”

“No, silly,” Clementine replied before her face wrinkled up. “Rowen? Are you a fairy godmother?”

“Definitely not,” I said.

“I don’t know about that,” Lily said as I moved on to the next chunk of hair. Three down, three hundred to go. “I think you’re working some magic in here.”

I made a face at Lily in the mirror. She didn’t need magic to make her any more beautiful than she already was.

“Are you going to the dance tonight?”

I had to look up to see who his question was directed at. Jesse was staring at me again.

I nodded. “Yep. I’ve got my dancing boots ready to go.” Could our conversation get any lamer? I didn’t want to answer that. “What about you?”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t know. It was a long week, and I’m pretty tired. I might just lay low and catch up on some sleep.”

He got a trio of groans from the girls. I kept my own groan inside.

“Come on, Jesse. You always come to these things. If you don’t come, all the single girls will revolt,” Lily said.

“I’m sure the dance and everyone at it will get along just fine without me,” he said, glancing my way once more before slipping back outside the door.

“Keep lying to yourself, Jesse!” Hyacinth shouted after him. “You’re not fooling any of us!”

“He’s been acting so strange lately,” Lily mumbled.

“That’s because Jesse’s in love,” Hyacinth announced.

I choked on . . . nothing. Yep, I just choked on nothing.

After the three girls gave me strange looks, I kept my head down and focused on Lily’s hair, praying Jesse and love wouldn’t be mentioned in the same sentence again.

“He is not in love,” Lily said. “If he was, we’d know about it. Jesse can’t keep a secret like that to himself.”

“Just think about it, Lily,” Hyacinth said, marching toward us. “He’s acting strange, he’s all moody, he gets this strange look on his face all the time, and I caught him checking out bouquets of flowers last week when he took me to the store and thought I wasn’t looking. He’s definitely in love with somebody.”

Lily rolled her eyes. I was about to continue on with the lame conversation theme and ask about the weather when Hyacinth angled herself toward me.

“What about you, Rowen?” she said. “Do you know who Jesse’s in love with?”

That time, I did drop the curling iron. Thankfully, no skin or carpet was damaged.

“Oh, for crying out loud, Hyacinth. Quick acting like Nancy Drew and go get changed. There’s no mystery here. Jesse isn’t in love, and if he was, I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first he’d tell.”

Hyacinth wandered back over to the closet where Clementine had just emerged with yet another dress ten sizes too big. “Yeah, yeah, well, maybe he’s in love but doesn’t even know he is. You know?”

“You watch too many movies,” Lily said.

“And you don’t watch enough.”

After that, the conversation was kept to a minimum as the girls changed and I finished Lily’s hair. By then, Rose and Neil had already been hollering at them for the past ten minutes that the Suburban was leaving, so I helped Lily get zipped into her cotton summer dress, helped her pick out a pair of boots, and flew down the hall to my bedroom.

Josie was planning on picking me up, so I had a few minutes to spare but not many. I threw on one of my old dresses that wasn’t black or especially dramatic, pulled on the boots Jesse had gotten me, and ripped a brush through my hair. Instead of throwing my hair into the side French braid I lived in at Willow Springs, I kept it down. I wasn’t cooking or cleaning, so I could, literally, let my hair down.

I had just finished putting on my lipstick when I heard a truck pull into the driveway. I had the window open, and I would have been lying if I said it was to let the cool air in. I hoped it would let something else in. Even though I was just as confused as before about Jesse and me and what, if any, future we could have together, I did have some explaining to do. I had some apologizing to do as well.

I stuck my head out the window and waved at Josie so she wouldn’t blast the horn in case Jesse was upstairs resting. Knowing he could be a floor above me, asleep in bed, didn’t make me want to head downstairs and ride off with Josie, but I’d promised her.

She’d called again the night before to make sure I was still on for the dance, and a girl who went so far out of the way to be friends with me was someone I wouldn’t ditch in the eleventh hour.

Josie waved back, then made a Come on! motion with her hands.

Coming I mouthed before ducking back inside. I grabbed my purse and jogged out the door. Neil and Rose had left with the girls, so the house was a rare quiet and I didn’t even get ten seconds to enjoy it. Before I’d made it out of the living room, Josie’s truck started thumping with music.