Like a Memory

Would this all be different if I hadn’t applied for a job here that day? If I’d gone somewhere else and never locked eyes with Nate? Would he have stayed with her, married her, had his son? Tears stung my eyes as I thought of the life he could have had.

It had been three weeks now since he’d left. Not a second went by that I didn’t think of him. That I didn’t worry about him. That my heart didn’t ache for all he was going through. But I couldn’t call. I couldn’t ask him if he was okay or how he was doing. I could do nothing.

Today I would start my new job. I was going to be the new director for youth services and marketing at the Sea Breeze Library. Saffron and Holland’s mother was a famous author so she had pulled a few strings for me. I didn’t know it however until I had gotten the job. My boss had mentioned Blythe Corbin doing a signing because of me getting the position. I’d asked mom if she knew anything about it and she said no. I wasn’t sure how Blythe had known I applied.

As much as I enjoyed Live Bay working there wasn’t what I wanted to do. I preferred to go there as a customer. Serving my friends was taxing at times. I didn’t know how Larissa put up with it.

I started to back out and head to work when Eli’s truck pulled up beside me. He had driven by and saw my car and probably thought I was having a break down. I didn’t want to get out of my car. It was silly but standing there in front of the store seemed wrong now.

Eli got out of his truck and walked over to get in my passenger side. He didn’t say anything at first. Just looked at the store and all its emptiness. There had been so much to happen here in such a short time. Octavia would have been pregnant with his son when I got this job. Had she known? And if she had why not tell Nate?

“Looks sad. Lonely,” Eli remarked.

“It does.”

“You been here long?”

“No. Just needed to see it.”

He sighed. “You seem better.”

“I am better. My heart will always hurt for Nate. For his pain. But my life will also go on. I can’t just quit. Life is a gift.”

“You know that better than anyone.”

I hadn’t meant that others didn’t know it. But yes, after facing death you look at life differently. It changes you.

“Do you think he will ever come back here? That I’ll ever see him again?”

“Don’t know. Maybe. I hope. For your sake.”

He meant that.

“I miss him. I just don’t know if seeing him again would be too much. It may be best that the night on the beach was it. My last memory of him. Eventually I’ll move on but I don’t think my heart ever truly will.”

“Bliss, he’ll come back one day. I may not have lost a child. And I may not feel like someone ended their life because of me. But I am a man. I know how we think. And I know if I was in love with someone like you I’d come back. I’d have to. That being said, you can’t put your life on hold. When you’re ready. Date again. Enjoy life.”

I wasn’t sure he was right. Part of me hoped he was the other part prayed he wasn’t. I just didn’t want to live waiting on a man to return that never did. For now, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t moving on anytime soon. I had friends and a job. And I had my memories.

“Want me to bring you lunch today?”

No. I didn’t want to eat. “Yes. That would be nice.” It was time I pushed through my sadness. Tried to find joy again.

“I’ll be there with greasy burgers around noon.”

“No. Not those. Anything else.” I’d had greasy burgers my first day at Octavia’s. The day Nate arrived. I couldn’t eat those now.

“Okay. Then I’ll choose,” he said not having to ask why.

He got back out of the car and went and got in his truck. But he didn’t leave until I cranked my car. Once I pulled out he followed behind me. Eli had been patient and understanding through all this. Being at home with him was quiet and easier than it would have been to go to my parents. They’d hover. I didn’t want that. I had needed to drink too much wine, eat icing out of a jar, and vomit a couple of times.

He had held my hair for me and wiped my face and made sure my drunk ass got in bed. He was the best kind of friend there was. The one that you’ve had forever and knows what you need.

I needed to stop by Live Bay and pick up my last paycheck but I’d do that tonight after work. Eli hadn’t mentioned rent and I’d forgotten. This morning it hit me and I needed to get it to him. It wasn’t like me to forget something like that but these past few weeks I had been very unBlisslike.

I picked up my phone after I pulled into the library parking lot and texted Eli.

“I have the rent money. I’ll get it to you. Sorry I forgot.”

I waited a moment for a response.

“Good. I would hate to have to kick you out on the street.”

I laughed. I hadn’t laughed in weeks. Three to be exact.

Smiling at my phone I was thankful I could laugh again. I hoped that Nate could too. I hope he found things to smile about. Things that brightened his day. And that eventually our time together wasn’t a bad memory. I wanted to think he could think of me again and smile. Not today. But eventually.

Stepping out of the car I grabbed my purse and laptop and headed inside to the start of something new. Again.

Nate Finlay

THERE WAS A champagne colored Bentley parked outside my parent’s house. I hadn’t been by to visit them in a few days. Once I moved back to my house, I’d put distance between me and everyone. It was worrying my mother according to Ophelia and my dad who had called to inform me. Before my dad showed up at my house to kick my ass for not going to see mom I decided to go visit her.

Mom had company and I wasn’t in the mood for visiting anyone else. But I was here now and needed to get it over with. Facing other people was eventually going to happen. Unless I bought a deserted island and moved there.

I didn’t knock. I never did. This had been my home for 19 years. I walked inside and followed the voices. They were in the living room. As I stepped inside my ears heard the voice of the guest and although I had only been around he woman few times I knew who it was.

My eyes went from Octavia’s stepmother to my mother. Why was she here?

“Nate, I’m glad you’re here. “Saylor is actually here to see you,” my mom said. As if I would want to see anyone related to Octavia.

“Why?” was my only response.

“Because she has some information she felt you should hear. I agree with her.”

My mother wasn’t one to listen to something she didn’t believe. Because of that I remained in the room. What I wanted to do was head for the door and not look back.

“Sit down, Nate,” mom said. Not “do you want to have a seat?” she was telling me I was staying and listening. Which meant I was staying and listening.

I did as I was ordered but I took the seat closest to the escape route. If she began talking about things I didn’t want to discuss I was gone. They both needed to be prepared for that.

“Saylor called me yesterday and asked if she could come speak with you. I told her she could come talk to me first. After listening to her I was ready to call you. I see that your father beat me to it.” She turned to Saylor. “Go ahead.”

Saylor was once a lingerie model. She’d met Octavia’s dad during a photo shoot she was in for his department store. They’d fallen in lust. He began fucking her and his wife found out. That marriage ended. This one then came a month after. She was still young and beautiful just past the lingerie modeling age. Octavia and Saylor had gotten along. Octavia just didn’t really care who her father was with as long as he gave her money.