Like a Memory

Our eyes locked and neither of us said a word. I wondered if he could read my eyes because in his I saw things that couldn’t be correct. The regret I saw was wishful thinking. He didn’t regret this. He was walking away with ease. No concern. No questions. But I was the one hurting. I was always the one hurting.

“Thanks again,” he said and all I could do was nod.

When the door closed behind him I let out a sigh and my shoulders fell. Eli stepped from his room and I couldn’t look at him. He’d listened to it all. He knew I had brought Nate here hoping for something . . . something I couldn’t even put a name to.

Eli’s strong arms wrapped around me and I curled into him. But I didn’t cry. I wasn’t that weak. I never would be again.

Nate Finlay

I SAT ON my Grandpop’s sofa for three hours staring. At nothing really. My thoughts were on Bliss and this morning. They were also on my sudden single status. I’d decided to finally get serious with Octavia because I was tired of my relationships just being about sex. There was supposed to be more than sex and I knew that. But what I’d had with Octavia wasn’t enough.

The simple text I had gotten from her said more than enough:

Glad you figured that out sooner rather than later.

That was it. Nothing else. No phone call or dramatic outburst. Just one text. So fucking easy. Or was it so fucking empty. Maybe empty meant easy.

I could sit here and wonder if I had just screwed up a good thing. But that was wasting my time. Because I was free and all I could think about was Bliss. I should go right back to her apartment and tell her I wanted her. I wanted us. I wanted a chance.

For some reason though I couldn’t manage to do it. Maybe it was waking up in her apartment hung over and unsure exactly what I’d said to her the night before. Or hell I might be the world’s dumbest asshole. Who the fuck knew. All I knew was sitting here was just all I could get myself to do.

Last night I’d wanted nothing more than to be free to have Bliss. Today I was free and I was scared. The urge to call my mom was strong but I fought it. I was a man and I didn’t need my mother’s advice. Besides she’d be so happy I’d broken it off with Octavia she’d have a hard time focusing on the Bliss problem.

A hard knock on the door tore me from my inner battle and I looked toward the door confused. Who the hell would be knocking? Grandpop was at work and anyone who knew him knew that’s where they’d find him. I waited and another aggressive knock had my curiosity peaked.

I went to the door and opened it expecting to see someone there for Grandpop and finding Bliss instead.

“I have something to say,” she announced and walked into the apartment brushing past me.

“Okay,” I managed to reply watching her. She spun around with her hands on her hips as she glared at me angrily. She was pissed and she was hot as hell. She also knew where my grandpop’s apartment was. She’d lied about that.

“I’m done. Don’t come around me. Don’t show up drunk where I work. Go back to Rosemary Beach and your country club friends and stay there. I will not let myself get hurt again by you. I’ve overcome too much to let some guy ruin my happy. Last night,” she said then let out a laugh that didn’t sound as if she thought it was funny at all. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears. “I was so desperate for anything from you that I clung to the ramblings of a drunk man. I believed the nonsense that came out of your mouth and I thought maybe there was a chance. But I was wrong. Those were the silly hopes of the girl who once loved you. We’re grown and we’ve both changed. I get it. But I want you gone. “

I didn’t have time to respond before she stalked past me and out the door.

“Bliss, wait! What . . . what did I miss here?” I had just left her apartment this morning and she hadn’t been so damn angry at me then.

She paused and I watched as her shoulders lifted then fell with an exaggerated sigh. Nothing was said for several moments. I was about to say something else when finally she turned back to me. “I’m that girl,” she said. “The girl who clings to the hopes a guy will notice her. A guy who she thinks about and daydreams about but he is just out of her reach. But I don’t want to be that girl. Not anymore. I want to be the girl a guy will throw it all away for. A girl he fights for. I want to be worth it.”

I was speechless as she then walked away. I watched her go until she turned the corner and was gone from sight. That wasn’t easy. Not by a fucking long shot. I wasn’t ready for her. To be the guy she wanted. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be that guy for anyone.

She was right. I should go. Leave this place. Let her live her life and find that guy who deserved her. Me, I wasn’t that guy. I wanted to be. But then I was terrified of it.

The hollow place in my chest ached at the thought of leaving here. It became a sharp pain when I thought of the guy who would end up loving her. The one she was looking for. Before I got in so deep I couldn’t get out, I headed for my truck. I was going home. Back to Rosemary Beach. Bliss York wanted to find her fairytale and I wasn’t going to stand in her way.

When I got to the parking lot she was there. Watching me. I almost turned and went back to my grandpops to save myself from this. I wanted Bliss to have it all. And I couldn’t be that. I couldn’t make promises to her. She meant too much.

“You’re leaving.”

She’d asked me to. Or more like ordered me to.

“Yeah.”

She frowned. “It was that easy?”

I was confused now. “What?”

“To make you leave. It was that stinking easy.”

“You did just tell me to leave.” I reminded her.

“Yes. But deep down I thought you’d run after me and . . . and . . . I don’t know. I just. Oh, never mind,” she said with a wave of her hand as if she were tossing the idea away. “Don’t go yet.”

Women. Confusing as hell. “Why?”

“Because Nate Finlay I want one last night with you. If you’re really leaving here then give me one night. Just one. That’s all I’m asking.”

Nothing about that sounded like a good idea. A night with Bliss would be tempting. She was too damn beautiful and distracting. I’d forget all the reasons why we couldn’t work. “I don’t think we should.”

“You’re right. We shouldn’t. But I fought through chemo and lived. I survived and while I was sick and bald and scared do you know what I thought about to get me through?”

I shook my head because no I had no idea.

“You. Us. That summer. That memory was what I clung to. So, before you leave, I want it again. Something like a memory that I can have to pull out and remember.”

Fuck.

The way my chest had just been ripped open I was having difficulty breathing. That wasn’t what I expected. She’d thought of me . . . God knows I’d thought of her but I hadn’t been facing death.

“Okay,” I replied. This may be a bad idea but fuck me if I was going to tell her no now. Not after she just told me that.

“Thanks.” That simple word so sincere. I wanted to go pull her in my arms and promise she’d always be safe. I’d make sure of it. But I couldn’t because I had no way of knowing if she would. But if there was a God surely he’d give her a long life.

“I’ll pick you up at seven,” I told her.