Like a Memory

“Hey,” he said when he pulled back slightly then grinned. “Sorry I’m late. Had to go to Grandpop’s and workout some details of my new job with him.”

His new job? “What?”

His smirk remained in place like he was enjoying the confusion on my face. “I needed a job and he offered me one. Said he needs extra help for the summer. Next step is finding a place to live. Know any good rentals?”

He was getting a job and a place to live. Holy crap! The smile that broke out on my face was all I could do. I had a tray full of drinks or I would have very likely thrown myself into his arms.

“You’re staying?” That was very close to a squeal but I didn’t care.

“Of course. I don’t want to leave if this is where you are.”

That said more than any other words he could have said.

“I really want to grab you and kiss your face,” I told him.

“Let’s get this tray to the table. You’ve stood there having to hold it long enough. Introduce me to your friends again because I don’t think I’ve met all of them. The others, I don’t remember names.”

I had a definite pep in my step as we walked over to their table. Micah stood up and started taking everyone’s drink order from my tray.

“Nate Finlay, did I just see you kissing our girl?” Micah asked sounding amused.

Before he had to respond I spoke up. “That one is Micah. You met him last time. This s Jimmy, you met him too but he was as drunk then as he is now so I doubt he remembers. Saffron, she hit on you. Her twin sister Holland who will not flirt so you don’t have to worry about her. And Jude, Micah’s brother. Eli who you know. Oh and Damon. Y’all this is Nate Finlay. My . . . friend.” I wasn’t sure what to call him but saying friend sounded weird.

“I’m your friend and you never sucked my face,” Micah said with a smirk.

“Shut up,” Holland snapped at him. She was the quiet, nice twin but the girl also had a temper.

I didn’t look at Eli because we hadn’t talked about my date or anything so I didn’t know how he’d feel about seeing the kiss before hearing how things were going. He could be odd about that kind of thing. Until Nate I had talked about most everything with Eli.

“Bliss!” Larissa was calling my name and I realized I’d taken too long.

“I gotta get back to work. Y’all don’t tell Nate too much crap please,” I said then turned to press a kiss to his cheek before running back to Larissa.

I was grinning like an idiot when I got to the bar.

“That boy rocked your world didn’t he?” she asked when I got back to her.

“He’s . . . I like him. Always have.”

She laughed out loud. “I know that. I mean innocent Bliss isn’t so innocent anymore. It’s all over your face. I’m guessing a guy looks like that he knows what he is doing. Did you like it?”

She was talking about sex. I froze. I couldn’t talk about this with her, could I? Was that disrespectful to Nate or would he care? I glanced back at him and saw Jimmy saying something that had everyone entertained.

“Yeah. I loved it.” The words came out before I could stop them.

“Then he’s a pro alright. First time sex isn’t always good. It can be terrible. I had a friend who swore she’d never do it again after the first time. She did of course, eventually.”

“I can’t imagine not liking it.”

Larissa laughed again. “Yeah, he’s good. I’m happy for you Bliss. But right now, I need these drinks taken to table four. Then get the orders from six. They keep waving at me.”

I hurried to do as she said trying hard not to look at Nate although I could feel his eyes on me. I liked knowing he was here watching me. What I liked even more was knowing I’d leave tonight and he’d go with me.

The next three hours went by in a blur. The place got packed and I didn’t get to enjoy my stops to their table and get to visit with Nate.

It was an hour before closing time when I glanced back at Nate to see if he was still doing okay with my friends to see he was gone. I figured he’d gone to the restroom so I didn’t think about it until he didn’t come back.

My mind was racing with reasons why he left. I thought he would have come to tell me he was leaving. That didn’t make sense for him to just leave. Unless someone said something to him.

I looked at Eli who was also looking at me and frowning. Had he said something to Nate? If he did, we were going to have an epic argument. He had no right to put his nose into my business. He also didn’t know Nate. He just assumed he knew everything.

By the time my shift was over my mind had gone over a hundred different reasons why he left. I was mad at Eli by this point which was ridiculous. I had no idea if it was his fault. I needed to find out the reason first. Which meant I needed to go see Nate.

Nate Finlay

THE BREEZE STILL blew, the water still crashed onto the shore, the sun still set and the moon still lit the evening sky. All of it was the same. It hadn’t changed. Not once. It remained the very same. Just because a life was gone the world kept turning. That seemed unfair. But then it would be difficult to live on this earth if it mourned every life that was lost.

Still with one phone call my path had been jerked and turned. Where I had thought I was headed just hours ago, I knew now I never could. This would change me. Harden me. I’d never be able to forgive my choices. Or forget the two lives that were gone. One that I should have been given a choice over. One that was my right to choose.

Bliss was everything that was pure in this world. She was sunshine and happiness. She had walked through a hell of her own and came out still bright. Her outlook on life still optimistic. But that had been her battle and she’d won it.

I’d made one wrong move and my world would forever be altered. Bliss needed someone whole and I would never be. Not now. How could I? Why should I get to enjoy life when tragedy came to something that was mine to protect?

The duffel bag in my hand held my things. But it was like a led weight. Knowing when I drove away tonight I’d never be able to come back. Seeing Bliss and what I could have had would be too painful. The darkness that would now follow me wasn’t fair to her.

“Nate?” her tone was nervous. She saw my bag. She knew without asking that I was leaving. What she didn’t know was what I had done. How I had failed. The sorrow I’d forced to happen. My need for her, it had caused this. No one deserved this kind of lesson.

I couldn’t force myself to turn around. I’d see her and the agony I was living through would get worse. Because I loved her. I would love her until the day I died. But she would always remind me of what I’d done. What my selfishness had caused.

“You’re leaving,” she said the words matter-of-factly but the emotion she held in check in her tone was something she couldn’t mask.

“Yes.” She deserved more than that. But saying the words. Admitting the horror . . . how did I do that?

“Did someone say something? If Eli said something he’s an idiot. I’ll deal with him. But whatever it is we can talk about it. There’s no reason to leave.”

She thought this was because of her. I guess in a way it was. My choice had been her. That had been what sparked the end result. But I couldn’t blame her. She did nothing wrong. She was perfect and I was ruined. Broken. Fucking destroyed.