Letters of Two Brides

"Yes, closeted with you all last night and to-day, I have, for the

first time in my life, given myself up to full, complete, and

boundless happiness. Could you but see yourself where I have

placed you, between the Virgin and God, you might have some idea

of the agony in which the night has passed. But I would not offend

you by speaking of it; for one glance from your eyes, robbed of

the tender sweetness which is my life, would be full of torture

for me, and I implore your clemency therefore in advance. Queen of

my life and of my soul, oh! that you could grant me but

one-thousandth part of the love I bear you! "

This was the burden of my prayer; doubt worked havoc in my soul

as I oscillated between belief and despair, between life and

death, darkness and light. A criminal whose verdict hangs in the

balance is not more racked with suspense than I, as I own to my

temerity.

The smile imaged on your lips, to which my eyes turned

ever and again, and alone able to calm the storm roused by the

dread of displeasing you. From my birth no one, not even my

mother, has smiled on me. The beautiful young girl who was

designed for me rejected my heart and gave hers to my brother.

Again, in politics all my efforts have been defeated. In the eyes

of my king I have read only thirst for vengeance; from childhood

he has been my enemy, and the vote of the Cortes which placed me

in power was regarded by him as a personal insult.

"Less than this might breed despondency in the stoutest heart.

Besides, I have no illusion; I know the gracelessness of my

person, and am well aware how difficult it is to do justice to the

heart within so rugged a shell. To be loved had ceased to be more

than a dream to me when I met you. Thus when I bound myself to

your service I knew that devotion alone could excuse my passion.

"But, as I look upon this portrait and listen to your smile that

whispers of rapture, the rays of a hope which I had sternly

banished pierced the gloom, like the light of dawn, again to be

obscured by rising mists of doubt and fear of your displeasure, if

the morning should break to day. No, it is impossible you should

love me yet--I feel it; but in time, as you make proof of the

strength, the constancy, and depth of my affection, you may yield

me some foothold in your heart. If my daring offends you, tell me

so without anger, and I will return to my former part. But if you

consent to try and love me, be merciful and break it gently to one

who has placed the happiness of his life in the single thought of

serving you."