Left Behind

“Gee thanks. I’m better than spawn. That makes me feel awesome.”

“No problem.” She grins.

My cell phone buzzes in my pocket. He’s been calling since I left, but I can’t bring myself to answer it. It will only make things more difficult.

“Are you ever going to answer it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I? Just to hear him say he never really cared about me…that he was only using me to replace her.”

“Your Aunt Claire seems to think he genuinely cares about you. He’s been to her house a dozen times to try to get my address.”

“Why should I trust anything Aunt Claire says? She knew everything. Can you please stop answering the phone when she calls?”

“Fine,” she huffs.

“Plus, Aunt Claire doesn’t know half the stuff that Zack pulled. If she did, she wouldn’t believe Zack was so genuine.”

“What doesn’t she know?”

“Emily’s mother told me that he knew. She didn’t beat around the bush. She flat out told me he was using me to replace her daughter. She’s known him since he was little. We used to run together. He ran with Emily all the time. It was their thing. He took her to lighthouses.

“I guess. But you were twins, Nikki. Is it that odd that you might both like to run and go to lighthouses?” Ashley shrugs.

“He lied to my face. He told me he used to pass by the lighthouses all the time and never even noticed them until he met me. There was a picture of Emily and Zack standing in front of a lighthouse in Emily’s bedroom. And when we met Dr. Bennett at the hospital, he lied again. He told me Dr. Bennett was a family friend. Why else would he lie?”

“I don’t know. But something just seems off.”

“Whose side are you on? I didn’t even think you liked Zack?”

“I’m always on your side. I was worried he would hurt you.”

“Looks like you had good reason to worry.”

She sighs. “Alright. I’m not gonna win this argument. So I’ll just go with I told you so. You don’t have to ask me twice. It’s so rare I’m the one in the right with our history.” She grins.

“Thanks. That makes me feel better.” I force a smile. “You know what else is screwed up?”

“There’s more?” she teases.

“I lost a sister, and yet I’m grieving more over Zack.”

“You never really had a sister to lose.”

“I never really had Zack to lose either.”

***

We sit in comfortable silence until it’s dark.

“Ready to go, Ms. Kunas?”

“I don’t think you can keep calling me celebrity names if I don’t live in California anymore.”

“So you’re staying in Texas for good?”

“You’re all I have,” I say with sarcasm, although it’s the truth.

“That’s pretty sad.” Ashley smiles and gets up, offering me her hand. “Come on, let’s get down from this depressing place.

Chapter 41

Nikki—

Four days later

“You’ve looked at the phone sixty three times in the last hour,” Ashley plops down on the couch next to me. Her tone lets me know she has just slightly less patience about my obsessive phone checking than when I got here.

“You’ve been counting the times I check my phone?” I use sarcasm to gloss over the fact that I really am consumed with checking it lately.

“So, let me get this straight. You want him to call so you can not pick up the phone? I just want to get inside your head and figure out what the hell is going on in there.”

“He hasn’t even called once in the last two days,” I say despondently. Ashley is a great friend but nobody could take the mood I’ve been in for the last few days.

“Maybe it’s because you didn’t answer his 987 calls the first two days you were here. Did you ever think of that? Maybe he got the message and gets that you don’t want to talk to him. Or do you?”

Ashley means well. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to talk to Zack and yet I don’t want him to stop calling either. Rather than explain, I change the subject. “I’m going to Kroger’s this week to see if I can get my old job back.”

“Do you really intend to drop out of school and get a GED? You were the best student at Brookside before you left,” Ashley chides. We seem to have switched roles lately. It hasn’t taken her long to get comfortable in her new motherly lecturing tone.

“I need to save for my own place, Ash.” I’ve been back in Texas four days and Ashley’s mom has mentioned how cramped the trailer is a few times already. Pawning the sapphire ring my aunt gave me paid for the bus tickets, and I still have some money left over, but it’s definitely not enough to move on my own.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over the guilt of selling a ring that was once my grandmother’s. I have so few memories of Mom smiling. The ring had given me visions of a young Mom and Aunt Claire laughing together as they played dress up, pretending to be princesses.

I need to clear my head. “I’m going to go for a run. Wanna come?”

“Run?” She looks me at me like I’m crazy. “I wouldn’t even walk if I had a choice.”

***

I didn’t tell Ashley my run was going to lead to the cemetery, I’ve been depressing enough the last few days. Since I arrived back in Texas, all I’ve wanted to do was go see Mom. I only wish it wasn’t a headstone I was going to see.