Lazy Dungeon Master

I Founded a Religion.

I, having decided to build a church for Beddhism, decided to ignore various issues and begin its construction. I’m basically escaping from reality.

… I was thinking about making it huge, but now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t really have the land for that.

Well, this will be its first church, so doing it so-so should be fine? Let’s treat this as a rough-draft for building a gigantic one later on.

I prepared some paper and pens and worked in my office.

First off is its appearance. When I think of churches, I picture blue roofs and white walls.

As for materials… the white would be mortar? From shell limestone or something1. As for the blue… wait, the heck would I even use? Rusted copper? Hmm, maybe I should just go with using paint?

I also want to have some windows that let warm sunlight though. Window glass is expensive in this world, but I should be able to make them by using [Create Golem] on potion bottles. Let’s go with that.

Going with that for the outward appearance, next comes the inside.

Something that allows you to line up in prayer… right, let’s go with desks so you can take naps at them.

Sleep is how you pray in Beddhism, after all. Desks’ ability to make you feel tired is a marvel. Maybe I should go with adding partitions so you don’t have to care about who’s next to you?

Then, finally, the main object it’ll enshrine has to be a bed… wait, hold on a sec. Maybe I could set up a 5 Yen coin on a string to make a pendulum? The kind of one that gets used for making people tired.

Actually, using a 5 Yen coin as our symbol might be a good idea. Kind of like how Christianity uses a cross. It’s convenient.

… Though now the main question’s whether I should have the 5 Yen coin have a hole through the center in the symbol. That actually sounds like a good idea, people could wear them as pendants that way.

With that, the religion’s symbol became a 5 Yen pendulum… a pendulum clock? Eh, whatever, it’s fine.

I made the lecture platform after that… rattling on with long stories to make people tired is important.

Right, let’s even make the book so hard that it makes you want to sleep. The only book I know about in this world is [Introduction to the Study of Dungeons], but maybe I could have The Dyne Company supply them all? I have more than enough money for it.

“Yeah, looks great so far.”

I looked over the blueprints again.

…

It’s a classroom… The only difference is that there’s an object of worship instead of a blackboard.

Right, it’s very private school-ish. Maybe we could use it like that too… yeah.

Oh, right. Should I make confessionals too? I could make those more ordinary…

Just as I started writing down more general things, there was a knock at the door.

“Kehma? I heard about it from Meat, but what’s with you making a church?”

“Oh, Rokuko? Come on in.”

“Pardon the intrusion… So, you making a church… you’re going to worship Haku Ane-sama too?”

“No, I’m making a church for Beddhism.”

“Beddhism?”

Rokuko tilted her head… Come to think of it, I’ve never told her about it, have I?

“I’ve never heard of it. Is it a religion from where you’re from, Kehma?”

“I founded it. No, I guess it’d be more accurate to say that I’m about to? I just mean that it’s not strange for you to have never heard of it.”

“So that’s why I didn’t know it… but why are you founding a religion?”

“I mean, the White Goddess Faith is a thing that exists and it’s just deifying Haku-san, so why not?”

“Why… not?”

Yep. Why not. Why not found a new religion (cult)?

“What sort of doctrine will it have then?”

“It’s a very peaceful religion that’ll place safety, peace, and pleasant sleep above all else. To sleep is to pray. It’s something easy you do every day, right?”

“Right. As long as it’s not sixteen hours a day or anything.”

“It can just be cat naps and other standard sleep, yep.”

… I think sixteen hours is easy enough though…

Either way, I noted down that sleeping is praying as a memo.

“Then, as the pièce de résistance… Beddhism may be believed in as a [Subreligion].”

“Subreligion… wait, what?”

“I mean you can still believe in the Light God, Dark God, Evil God, whatever. Beddhism allows that. Even if you believe in them, you can still believe in Beddhism. That’s all.”

It’d be like a sub-job in game terms, something like that. Like if you were a warrior and wanted to be a monk as your sub, that’d work. Same thing if you followed The White Goddess Faith and wanted to follow Beddhism. Beddhism as someone’s main religion works fine too, of course.

Pray to your main god for safety, Beddhism for peace. Just think of it like that.

“You sure that’ll work? I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“Definitely. There’s gotta be a ton of people open-minded enough yeah? Right, Rokuko. You can be Believer No. 2!”

“I’ll reserve No. 695, so do your best getting followers okay?”

“O-Okay.”

That’s a ton… guess I’ll give Meat or Ichika the honor?

“How should I say it… you don’t have one of those religious-ish stories?”

“Huh? Oh yeah… I’ll make a good one. A story that explains the importance of good sleep… Oh, and mosquitoes are the enemy. We’ll treat them like demons.”

Mosquitoes, the invisible fiends that continually let their existence be known to those trying to sleep, disturbing one’s attempts to do so. Fight them back with Holy Sword Katori Senko2…!

Oh right, I know what the holy sword can be. Let’s go with Sleepsword Siesta being the divine sword that’s able to spread the salvation of sleep. Memo, memo!

“By the way, wouldn’t you treat people that don’t need to sleep like me as renegades?”

“It’s fine if it’s just that you don’t need to sleep. Rather, anyone that’s able to sleep, even if they don’t need to, can be a Beddhist3.”

“How lackadaisical.”

“Beds are gentle things that help anyone and everyone… they do not distinguish between good and evil, they love everyone equally. Your bed is like your mother… but not for mosquitoes, the bastards.”

Yeah, I’ll make our scripture be like that. Let’s make some more memos for stuff like that…!

A lack of sleep is damaging to your skill… that’ll appeal to women.

You can’t fight without taking a rest. You much rest to fight… relaxation is important for fighters.

Don’t rush, don’t rush, rest, rest… that should attract priests.

Make sure to sleep so that your body doesn’t give out… that’ll be good for workers.

It’s hard to tell a poor thinker from a sleeping one… wait, that one’s a bit off there.

“Beds are everything, everything is a bed…”

“Kehma, are you getting enough sleep? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, no problems here.”

Now I just have to make the church and gain followers. If I get enough believes, I can just sleep whenever I want in the name of prayer… whenever I want! Pay no attention to how I already do that!

If everyone else goes back to sleep after waking up, there’ll be nothing wrong with me doing it!

That’ll make it so that no one can say anything about me taking naps—rather, that’ll make it praiseworthy! Fuhahaha!

“Right, I can use [If you join now, you get a mini azuki pillow4 as a present!] for the adventurers, what do you think?”

“Ichika would like that.”

Well, they’ll only last around half a year at the most, so they’d probably just end up getting eaten.

I wonder if using [Cleanup] on them would make them last longer?

**************************

—In the beginning, th’re wast the w’rld.

Creatures w’re b’rn into yond w’rld. Then, rest too wast given birth.

Rest is peace, tis salvation.

Ev’ryone hast an equal right to rest.

M’re than all, what lazar rest is Bed.

Bed is loveth, Bed is life.

Bed is the manifestation of comf’rt itself.

Bed distinguishes between neith’r valorous n’r evil, n’r doest t conc’rn itself with belief in oth’r gods. T accepts all life.

Th’ref’re, all life art Bed’s children.

What is Bed? Bed is the ev’r watchful moth’r caring f’r h’r children.

Has’t a sup’ri’r rest. A comf’rtable catch but a wink. Tis Beddhism’s doctrine. 5

(Excerpt from Beddhism Sutras, Chapter 1 Paragraph 1: ‘Bed, Peace Manifest’)