Infinity + One

“Then I won’t,” I’d said simply. “I’ll stay here. There’s always next year.”

She’d sighed and let me go, pushing away from me in our double bed. “No. I’m just feeling a little sad. You need to go, Bonnie. You’re going to win. I can feel it. Then you’ll make a million dollars, and we’ll travel all over the world together.”

I was feeling sad too. Scared. I’d never spent a single night away from Minnie. Not in all our fifteen years. “Can’t you come with me?” I’d asked. I knew the answer. We’d been over it.

“You know there’s only enough money for you and Gran to go.” And she’d been too sick to go. She’d been too sick for me to leave her too.

“Can’t you stay?” Katy’s voice. Not Minnie’s. Katy was trying to sit up, and I crouched down beside her bed.

“Where would I sleep?” I tried to smile. “I can’t fit in your bed. And what about Finn? I don’t think Riley wants to give up her crib.”

Katy snickered at the thought of Finn in Riley’s crib.

“You and Finn must be as tired as we are,” Shayna said from the doorway, and Katy and I looked up at her.

“Look, Mommy. Bonnie Rae signed all my posters.” Katy pointed at the walls.

“Uh, yeah.” Shayna had that same dazed look she’d gotten when I told Katy who I was. “What . . . I mean . . . how, I mean, I know it’s not my business. But, what are you . . . doing?”

“I figured I should make them valuable in case you wanted to hawk them.” I felt a little stupid, suggesting my signature was something special, but Katy seemed pleased.

“No! I don’t mean the posters. What are you and Finn doing tonight? You should stay here. The couch in the family room folds out into a bed.”

“Yeah! Yeah! You and I can sleep in the family room and have a sleepover!” Katy’s eyes were huge, and she no longer looked the slightest bit drowsy. She was up and out of bed immediately.

“Slow down, Katy. You know you get lightheaded,” Shayna said.

I thought I heard Finn come in the front door. He was probably standing there, just inside the entry feeling awkward and not daring to venture any further.

“And I don’t think Finn, Bonnie, and you can all fit in the fold-out bed. A little crowded, sis, don’t you think?” Shayna was trying to discourage the group sleepover, and Katy wasn’t hearing any of it.

“I have to pee! Don’t leave, Bonnie, okay?”

I stood and headed for the door, wanting to reassure Finn. Wanting to make sure he didn’t leave without me.

“I saw something about you and Finn on Entertainment Buzz or one of those shows at the hospital,” Shayna blurted out as I moved to walk past her. “I was just flipping through channels. I stopped when I saw they were talking about you, thinking that Katy would want to watch, but she’d fallen asleep. They said you’d been taken, or something. They tried to sound serious, but mostly they all just sounded really excited. I felt really sad for you, and I was glad Katy was asleep. It would have upset her to think you were missing.”

“Leave it to E-Buzz to get it all wrong,” I said and forced a laugh. “Finn didn’t take me, obviously. I think you can see that I’m fine. And he’s a good guy.”

“So you’re . . . okay?”

“Tell me this, Shayna. Do I seem like I’m in trouble? Does Finn seem like the kind of guy who steals pop stars for ransom?”

“No,” she said with a smirk. “Actually, if I had to guess, I would say you’d kidnapped him.”

“Shayna, you’re a smart woman,” I said, patting her shoulder. And she laughed.

“Why did you help us?” Her laughter faded, and her eyes were suddenly bright, like she wanted to cry.

“Because you needed help.” I shrugged. “And my sister had leukemia too.” Damn it all. I felt emotion rise in my eyes too.

“Finn?” Katy ran out of the bathroom and shot past us in the hallway, in search of Finn, and I followed her gratefully, not wanting to continue the sensitive conversation with her mother.

“Finn?” Katy shouted again, and ran to the front door. Finn sat on the front stoop. I’d guessed wrong. He hadn’t even come inside, though Shayna had left the door propped wide open, welcoming him.

“Finn! Bonnie and I are sleeping on the fold-out bed. We’re having a sleepover. You’re sleeping in my bed.”

And that was that. We were staying. You didn’t say no to a kid like Katy. Finn just closed his eyes briefly and avoided my gaze, but he seemed resigned to the fact that it made as much sense as anything else, and when Shayna thanked him profusely and produced a pair of army boots that were almost new, claiming they were too big for her husband, he accepted them with quiet dignity. I too had noticed his boots were worn out and his feet kept getting wet, and I had made my own plans to replace them when I could. Maybe it was better this way. Finn didn’t seem to like it when I paid for him.

Shayna started dinner—spaghetti—and Finn left for a while, claiming he needed to get some exercise. I resisted the urge to tag along as much as I longed to stretch my legs and match my stride to his. I was pathetic and needy, and we both knew it, and I didn’t like that I felt that way where he was concerned. Plus, I really thought Finn might explode if I asked to go with him. He threw on a pair of basketball shorts, a T-shirt, and some worn running shoes and was out the door, his hair pulled off his face, his expression stony.