In His Keeping

Ari let out a choked cry, unable to comprehend what she was hearing. She slid to her knees, her legs no longer able to bear her weight. She buried her face in her hands as the implications of what Ramie was experiencing—saying—hit her hard, denial sharp and instant. She shook her head irrationally, shutting out the voices. It was a mistake. It couldn’t be true. Ramie was wrong.

Beau sank down beside her, and though his face was a wreath of regret, he didn’t seem surprised. Even amid her confusion and heartbreak, that fact registered. Just how much had he kept from her?

He tried to comfort her, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into his arms, but Ari fought him off, nearly hysterical. She didn’t want to be touched. Didn’t want to be comforted. There was no comfort, no salve, no bandage big enough to ever cover this wound.

“Goodbye, my love,” Ramie whispered. She mimicked holding an infant in her arms and kissing the air where a child’s head would be.

There was brief silence, though Ramie remained as if in a distant place, not here, lost in some other time, captive to the secrets the stuffed animals were relating.

“Oh dear God, Gavin! Someone left a baby out here to freeze?”

Ari went utterly motionless as Ramie’s voice changed once more to one that so eerily resembled her mother’s that it sent chill bumps racing over her entire body. Instant cold settled into her bones. Dread had invaded her heart as it was confirmed—through Ramie—that the unthinkable . . . was true. No. No! It couldn’t be. She was loved, not unwanted and abandoned by the people who’d given birth to her.

Ari’s entire life was a lie. She was well and truly alone. Adrift. Utterly lost.

She encased herself in an icy bubble, surrounding herself, hoping to shut out the truth. The reality. But she could still hear Ramie’s haunting voice, now her father’s.

“We’re leaving the country and we’ll be gone for a while.”

And then her mother’s again, only not her mother. “What are we going to do, Gavin?”

Ramie’s voice became gruff, just like when her father was serious, implacable. And decisive. “We’re going to do as we were asked and raise her as our daughter.”

Ramie went silent, her eyes flickering in rapid-fire succession as if processing at the speed of a computer. Her hands curled and uncurled in her lap as if in agitation. She was clearly not here, still firmly ensconced in the past. But what about the present?

Not matter that Ari’s entire world had been turned upside down in the space of a few minutes, she still loved her . . . parents. Or whoever they were. She wanted them safe now more than ever because she wanted answers. She wanted the truth! A truth she should have been given when she reached an age where she would be able to understand. And coming from her adoptive parents, the information wouldn’t have been so shocking because she could have been privy to their motives. Whether they truly wanted her or if they just couldn’t bear the thought of an orphan child being taken into child protective services and shuffled through the system, never truly having a stable home and people she could rely on.

She needed that reassurance and it could only come from them. No one else. If she’d been desperate to save them before, that desperation had multiplied tenfold. Because if they died before she could have answers to the questions that swirled in her mind at supersonic speed, making her dizzy and light-headed, her life would forever be incomplete. An important part of herself would always be out of reach. How could she expect Beau to accept her when even she didn’t know who she was anymore?

She’d been fully aware that her father hadn’t always been on the straight and narrow, that he had a murky, questionable past, but that when her mother swept into his life, his future had been irrevocably altered and he’d made a concerted effort to be the man she deserved.

But now, for the first time, she questioned whether he’d truly left his old life behind. Whether the “good” man she’d always considered her father to be was yet another lie in an ever growing list of lies and untruths. Lies of omission were even worse than outright lies in Ari’s opinion. Because lies of omission were blatant attempts to hide the truth. To keep a person from ever discovering the truth. It was sheer manipulation and it wasn’t honorable, nor did it speak to a person’s integrity.

It hurt to think that a man Ari had always looked up to, idolized and worshipped, was capable of such deception. Because now she was forced to question every other aspect of her past. What else had he kept from her? What else had he outright lied to her about? Was it all a lie? Every part of her existence?

Through the fog of her grief and utter despair, she saw Ramie suddenly sag, listing in the opposite direction from Caleb. He immediately made a grab for her though his hands were infinitely gentle. He guided her back toward him and then simply pulled her onto his lap, cradling her tenderly, his lips pressed against her brow.

There was profound relief in his eyes that she hadn’t endured the unthinkable. But Ari was sick with worry. What did it mean that she seemed to only see the past?

Ari couldn’t stand. Her legs were so rubbery and she was so utterly devastated that her strength was completely gone. So she half crawled, half dragged her numb extremities toward the couch where Ramie lay in Caleb’s arms, awake but drowsy and lethargic.

Apology was in Ari’s eyes and on her face as she met Caleb’s gaze. Once again he surprised her because she was met with tenderness and sympathy.

“I know she’s tired. I know what a toll this takes on her. But please. I need to talk to her before she goes under. I have to know.”