Ignite

“Tell me what happened for the tenth time! I know you’re there, I can hear you breathing!”

I plopped down on the bed relaxed my back against the headboard. “Nothing really happened. To say he hated me would be an understatement. I can’t blame him.”

“Why do you think he hates you? Did he say anything?”

“His face said enough. It doesn’t matter. I was freaking out, but seeing him doing well on his own and moving on with someone else has helped me personally. No more ‘what ifs’, you know?”

“He was with a girl?”

“Yeah, and she was lovely, and beautiful; a med student too. Quite the catch if you ask me.”

“She could be the biggest bitch in the world.”

I scoffed in disbelief. “I highly doubt that. You know how sometimes you just have a good vibe about someone? I felt that with her. Besides, I’m sure Jaxon’s standards have risen dramatically since I left him.”

“Sara–”

“I’m tired. I really need to head to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”

“Alright, Sara. I love you, girl.”

“Love you too, Lexi.”

I hung up and rested the phone on the night table. Then I just sat there for who knows how long, swallowed up in the silence of my own company. I couldn’t stop thinking about his hand entwined in hers, and how happy she looked. Happy because he must be giving her all he gave me in our relationship. I threw it all away. I threw it all…

Tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t want to fight the sadness anymore, or pretend it didn’t exist. I wanted to feel the pain for tonight, and maybe tomorrow I’d be better. Maybe.

I grabbed the pillow and hugged it to my chest, but the gaping hole in the centre of me only deepened. Then I began sobbing.

Fuck, I threw it all away. I threw him away without a goodbye. Why? Why did I do that? I could have been the one sitting next to him, smiling like my world was complete. It could have been me. It could have been…

My phone buzzed just then. I sloppily wiped the snot from my nose and reached for it. A text from Daniel: I miss you.

I replied, I miss you too, Daniel.

Then I texted Lucinda to let her know I made it back alright. I turned off the phone after that and closed my eyes, letting the tears spill while I imagined what could have been.

Fourteen

I woke up early the next morning. I vowed I wasn’t going to waste today. I had to get things done at the house. Time was running out. It was already a given I’d probably be here until the weekend.

Using the internet on my phone, I looked up the local skip service and called them to have it delivered in front of my mother’s home tomorrow morning. So that was done and dusted. I’d head over there within the hour and get the garbage sorted. Then I called the ‘Used but New’ store and waited until I could speak to the owner. He made up some rubbish about intending to call me, and I pretended to believe him. Then he told me he could make it by Friday afternoon to pick up the furniture, and that was alright by me as long as it was a guarantee.

Looking at myself in the mirror this morning, I looked even worse for wear than yesterday. I had horrible bags under my eyes, and my eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with more tears. I always looked like a blowfish when I cried, and it usually took a whole day to look semi normal again.

I washed my face, made a half assed attempt at make-up, brushed my hair, and dressed in black tights and a red tight long-sleeve top. I don’t know why I decided on that outfit. Well, in the far depths of my mind I knew it had something to do with Christy wearing her own tight fitting outfit yesterday that made me want to flaunt my own figure, but I didn’t want to admit she got inside my head like that. Even though she did. Fuck, I hated denial.

I turned side on in front of the mirror. Thank God all that food yesterday hadn’t made me bloat… too bad, anyway. What was one bad day of eating? But damn, that pizza was so good. And the Chinese. Hmm, I could go for Chinese again right now.

I grabbed the car key and my purse and walked out of my room, locking it behind me. Then I turned and headed to the parking lot, all the while dribbling at the thought of having another naughty day of eating something fatty. When I looked up at where my car was, I abruptly came to a halt. My mouth dropped open in shock. My car wasn’t there. I looked around, expecting to have misplaced the memory of where I’d parked my car, but I didn’t.

“FUCK!” I screeched out, not giving a shit if anyone was around to hear it. Of all the fucking things that could happen to me… Cursing under my breath, I stalked up and down the street for a good solid half hour, looking at every car I found parked, but none of them was mine.

A headache came on as I hurried back to my motel room. I pulled out my phone and called the local police to file a report that my car was stolen. Well, technically it wasn’t my car. Of course it couldn’t be easy. I had to give them Daniel’s number, and then I was told to tell him to call as well to confirm he’d allowed me to borrow his car. Then I had to provide every fucking detail of the brand new BMW SUV I’d parked in a dodgy part of town. Fucking lovely.

Getting off the phone with them after the half hour ordeal of answering every damn question they could throw at me, I rang Daniel’s work office knowing he’d already started work. It was the fastest way to reach him since he usually put his phone on silent during the day. Daniel let me know he’d told the replacement secretary to put me through no matter the time of day. It was a sweet gesture, but I hated having to ruin it with this awful news.

“Hey you.” He sounded happy and upbeat, and I envisioned him kicking back in his leather chair with his feet propped on his desk and that goofy wide grin of his that could make any girl malleable in his hands.

“Hey,” I hesitantly responded. “How are you?”

“You sound upset. Again. Fuck, I really need to go down there–”

“No, I’m not upset by anything here,” I lied, but he didn’t need to know the truth to that one. “I have some really bad news. Like the kind of news you’re going to kill me over.”

He was silent a long moment, and then asked, “What’s wrong, babe?”

“Are you going to hate me?”

“Jeez, you’re freaking me out. What’s happened?”

Looking blankly ahead at the busy street, I sighed and whispered, “Your car’s been stolen.”