If You Stay (Beautifully Broken #1)

Pax

"Fuck!"

I barely have time to react before Mila is gone, over the side and into the icy water. I kill the motor and turn about, scanning the top of the choppy water.

"Mila!" I shout as I rush to the side. "Mila!"

She's gone. I can't see her. The gray water churns and spins, creating frothy whitecaps that lap onto the side of the boat. There is no sign of Mila among the depths.

Holy shit. Without another thought, I dive in after her.

The shock of the frigid water knocks the wind out of me and I thrash about, trying to fumble for Mila and trying to keep my lungs from automatically sucking for air. I've never felt such an incredible, bone-shattering cold in all of my life. Every cell in my body, every bit of self-preservation, is trying to force me to get out of the freezing water. But I've got to find her.

I plunge further down and my body actually goes numb. I don't feel it anymore. I wave my arms blindly in front of me, desperate for some sign of her. This can't be happening. Mila can't drown here, not in the lake that she loves so much, not because of me. I force my eyelids open and the frigidity assaults the tender tissue of my eyes, but I have to see. Although the water is so murky in its frigid state that I honestly can't see anything at all.

I continue to flail about until my hand bumps something hard in the water.

I grab at it, my numb fingers grasping at something fleshy.

Mila.

The down-filled coat is dragging her down and she can't kick to the surface. She seems to be struggling to take it off.

I pull her with me and we break through the water. I shove her hair away from her face. She sucks in air and claws at me out of instinct, trying to get out of the water.

"Calm down," I tell her quickly, kicking us toward the boat. "Calm down or you'll drown us both."

I shove her up and over the side of the boat, and then pull myself up after her. We both collapse into a heap. She's in a pool of icy water on the floor of the boat, her teeth chattering and her lips blue.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I snap at her. "Are you insane? Why weren't you holding on? "

I strip off the heavy full-length parka because it is soaked and then I look around the boat to see if there is anything to wrap her in, but there isn't.

"Fuck," I mutter. "I don't have anything to keep you warm." Her wet hair is standing up in clumps and dangling down her back and I rub at her arms. "We've got to get back to shore. Stay over here next to the edge."

She clings to the side, under the lip where she is partially protected from the wind.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she chatters. "I should have held on t-t-tighter. But y-y-you shouldn't have been d-d-driving so fast."

"I know," I tell her limply. "I'm sorry, Mila. It was my fault. We'll just get to shore and get you dried off."

I start the boat up and turn it toward shore, going as fast as I can. The wind cuts through my wet shirt and no lie, icicles form on the hem. By the time I pull into my slip, my fingers are purple and I'm shivering almost uncontrollably.

I'm no sooner docked than I am helping Mila out of the boat with numb fingers. She's stumbling so much that I can tell her limbs are numb, too. So I just scoop her up, figuring I can carry her faster than she can walk.

"I c-c-can w-w-walk," she chatters. I shake my head.

"I can walk faster."

Her fingers gripping my shoulders are like ice and I shake my head again.

"You're probably going to get pneumonia," I tell her as I unlock the car and settle her into the seat. For the first time, I wish my car was new instead of a classic. A new car would have seat warmers.

I jam the key into the ignition with frigid, shaking fingers and we make it to my house in just a few minutes. My guilt makes me drive faster on the ice than I normally would have.

The car is barely in the driveway before I hit the button for the garage so that I don't have to fumble with the front-door lock. I am out of the car and to her side within seconds, pulling her out and carrying her through the garage and into the house.

"Your lips are still blue," I tell her. "We've got to get you in a hot shower."

"You need one t-t-too," she tells me, her chin shaking. I can't decide if she is just freezing or if she's in some sort of shock.

I don't put her down. I just carry her straight upstairs, to my bathroom. I set her down on the toilet and turn the water on, turning back to help her peel off her icy clothes. I can still barely feel my fingers. They are so cold that they almost feel hot against her frozen skin.

"Mila, I'm so sorry. I lost my temper and I saw red and I shouldn't have been driving like that. I'm sorry."

She nods. "I know. It's okay. W-w-we were mad. It's d-d-done now. It's okay."

I pull off her shirt without another word, then help her unclasp her bra. She's not an invalid, but I know how difficult it is to move my fingers, as frozen as they are, so I know hers are the same. I pull her to her feet and tug her wet jeans off, then her underwear, then point her toward the shower.

"Get in," I instruct her, as I peel off my own clothes and step into the steam behind her. She's under the water now, holding her hair back as the hot water breathes warmth back into her bones.

"Oh my god," she breathes. "This feels so good. It hurts, too, but Oh. My. God."

Her eyes are closed, but color is returning to her lips. I breathe a sigh of relief and slip up next to her, under the nozzle to her left. She's right. The hot water is more amazing than it's ever seemed before.

"Holy shit, that lake was cold," I mutter as the water cascades over me. Feeling returns to my toes in a thousand painful needles. "Fuck, my toes hurt."

Mila moans in agreement next to me and honestly, we just stand under the water for another ten minutes, with our eyes closed and without speaking, just enjoying the warmth. When the door fogs over and I am no longer shivering, I turn to Mila.

She is naked and wet and gorgeous, but I don't care at the moment. All I care about is one thing.

"You thought I was going to hit you," I say simply. She looks guilty as she turns to me, her skin a healthy pink now.

"No," she protests quietly. "It was just a reflex. I just reacted."

"So you didn't think I was going to hit you?" I raise an eyebrow. "Because you flinched." She drops her head.

"I don't know what I thought."

I suck in a breath at her honesty and am deflated at the same time. Reaching out, I tilt her chin up with my fingers.

"I don't care how mad I am, I will never hit you. Do you understand?" I stare her in the eye. "Not ever."

She swallows and looks at me and her eyes are so wide and green. "I'm sorry," she tells me. "I don't know why I would think that."

And there is something in her eyes that gives me pause.

"Did your dad hit your mom?"

The question hangs between us and she stares at me. And then she nods slowly.

"Not often. But sometimes. I saw it a few times. He slapped her, she slapped him. They had a very passionate relationship."

"Holy shit," I mutter in shock, before I pull her to me. "Mila, even one time is too many. I will never hit you. I need you to believe that."

She nods silently, and I see that she's crying. And I don't know if she's crying about her dad and mom or if she's crying about our fight on the boat.

I drag her more tightly against my chest, dropping my lips to her forehead. She is pressed against me, wet and firm. I slide my hands around her back, cradling her tightly.

"Mila, I will never hurt you. Not like that."

She nods and reaches for me and just like that, we are inhaling each other, like we need each other to breathe.

Her tongue plunges into my mouth and my hands are everywhere on her body, sliding up and down the smooth wetness of her back, and down over her hips. I suck her lip into my mouth, pulling it with my teeth. She whimpers into me and I inhale it, enjoying the sound.

Desperation hangs heavily around us, a consuming need. I whirl her about, pinning her to the stone shower wall, pressing into her as I plunge into her mouth yet again. I could taste this girl forever and still not have enough.

She brings her leg up and hooks it around my hips. My hands slide up her thighs to cup her ass, her amazingly perfect ass, and she wiggles into me, pushing ever closer. My dick is wedged against her and I know she feels it.

Hard.

Wet.

Warm.

"I want you tonight," she tells me in my ear. Her teeth nip at my earlobe. "Please, Pax."

I groan and pull away, looking at her.

"I thought you wanted to wait?"

She smiles an endearing and wicked smile.

"Fuck that," she says. "I want you now."

I crush her close again and pillage her mouth, and her lips are so fucking soft against mine. My fingers slip inside of her and she gasps into my mouth, panting softly. She tastes like sunshine.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I rasp against her throat as I kiss a trail down to her full breasts. "So beautiful."

I slip her breast into my mouth, sucking softly. She pulls at me, clutching me, thrashing, her hands scraping down the shower stones. Her breath is coming in pants now, I can hear it, jagged and raw.

I move to her other breast and suck there; teasing her, enjoying it. Her skin is wet and soft and when she opens her eyes to look at me, her gaze is unfocused and wild.

She wants me. That notion is almost incomprehensible to me. She wants me just as I want her. I groan and bury my face in her neck.

Her hand is on my dick and it throbs in her hand, hot and heavy. I want her like I've never wanted anything. I moan and she smiles as she slides her hand up and down the length of me.

"You're so big," she murmurs softly.

My, what big teeth I have.

I am once again the wolf as I hover above her, her back shoved against the tiles. She is innocent and beautiful. And I am....not.

I don't deserve her. I swallow hard.

"Do you want me?" I ask her, my lips just a breadth above her.

She nods, her eyes squeezed shut as she runs her hands over my back and down my hips.

"Then open your eyes and say it," I instruct her raggedly. "Say my name."

Her eyes flutter open and she stares into mine.

"I want you," she murmurs. "Pax."

My tongue twists around hers, wet and hot. I may not deserve her but she wants me anyway. My gut clenches.

"Say it again," I tell her quietly.

She looks at me with her wide, green eyes.

"Pax," she breathes. "I want you."

"Fuck," I mutter and pull away from her for only a moment, to reach out the door and pull my wallet from my pants on the floor. I fumble with the condom and then I am back under the water, pulling her against me.

And then I slide into her.

Light explodes behind my eyelids because she feels so fucking good. So wet, so fucking tight. I could die right here and never regret a thing.

Mila gasps as I push into her, and then she clutches my back, pulling me to her.

"You feel so good," she whimpers into my ear. And warmth tightens my chest.

I groan and try to focus on anything that will prevent me from coming already, but I know it's useless. Her tits are smashed against me, wet and soft, and every time I slide against her, the friction brings me that much closer to the edge.

She pulls me closer and in this moment, I know that she is everything that is light and good in the world.

I slide in and out, the heat between our wet bodies driving me to madness.

"I'm going to come," I rasp against her wet neck.

She opens her eyes and looks at me.

"So come," she says simply.

And then she buries her tongue in my mouth and I can't stop myself. My dick pulses inside of her and she clenches around me. I breathe raggedly as I hold her to the wall, and after what seems like an hour, we both slide to the floor. She's in my arms and the water is beating on us.

I can't even speak. I just hold her in my lap, cradled to me, and the moment seems huge. We sit this way for the longest time, until the water begins to turn cool.

Mila lifts her head.

"That was amazing," she murmurs. She pulls away a bit and strokes the side of my face. I lean into her hand and close my eyes. "You're beautiful," she adds. My stomach clenches.

"I'm not beautiful," I answer. "Far from it."

"You are," she insists. "You'll just have to take my word for it."

I shake my head, but I don't release my grip on her and she lays her head back against my chest.

"The water is getting cold," she says drowsily. Her legs are entwined with mine as her body drapes against me. She doesn't seem to care about the water, but we've both had more than our fair share of cold water for the day.

Reluctantly, I sit up and pull Mila to her feet. I lead her from the shower and towel her off before I head to my bedroom and find her a t-shirt to wear. I pull it over her head and stare down at her.

"Stay with me tonight," I urge her. "You're tired, I'm tired and it's cold outside. Just stay here."

She grins up at me.

"That was the plan all along," she answers impishly. "I have my overnight bag in my car at The Hill."

I stare at her. "You mean... you were going to... tonight?"

She laughs. "Spit it out, Pax. It's not that hard to figure out. Yes, I was ready tonight."

I have to chuckle and shake my head.

"Do you like to keep me guessing?" I ask her as I drag her to the bed and onto my lap.

She nods, her green eyes glimmering. "It keeps things interesting, doesn't it?"

I lower my lips to hers, silencing anything else that she thinks she's going to say. Covering her body with mine, I push her onto the softness of my bed and trail my lips down her neck, then down her arms to her hands. I kiss her palms and then glance up at the windows.

"There's a winter storm blowing in across the lake," I tell her, and she turns to watch it with me.

"It's a good thing we're not still out there," she points out as we watch the dark clouds build and roll in across the water. Lightning flashes across the blackness and the air seems charged with the power of the storm.

I glance down. "It's a good thing. It's definitely more comfortable being naked here."

She giggles and pulls me down to her, her tongue in my mouth again. I decide that it's where her tongue always belongs. My hands slide to her ass, bringing her leg up around my hip.

"This is where your leg belongs," I tell her firmly. She smiles against my lips.

"That might make walking difficult," she answers, as she trails her fingers down my back.

"We'll figure it out," I growl and I slide my fingers inside of her. She whimpers and arches against my hand, just as the thunder cracks outside. And then our talking dies as a storm of our own rages in my bedroom.