If Not for You
Page 61“No, Peter, that’s not it.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear it,” she said softly.
“Why, then?”
They’d already had this discussion once, and here he was again needing reassurances he’d not messed up her life along with his own.
“I fell in love any number of times over the years,” she said, offering him what she hoped were reassurances.
“Then why?”
Time to own up to him and to the truth. “I had my career, Peter. I got sidetracked with my success.”
“And?”
He knew there was more, and Sunshine doubted that she could have hid it from him. “And,” she repeated, “I never found another man I could love as much as I did you.”
The line went quiet. The only sound was their breathing, which quickly fell into unison.
“You’ll never hear from me again,” Peter whispered, and he sounded completely sober now.
“Will you do something for me?” she asked, saddened by his response.
Silence again. “What do you want? You who has everything.”
“It’s a simple request.”
“Fine. Tell me.”
She held herself stiff. “The woman you fired. Give her back her job.”
Peter snickered.
“No.”
Sunshine would rest easier now. “She had good intentions.”
“Maybe,” he conceded.
“Thank you.”
“Always thinking about others … one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
Sunshine’s eyes teared up. “Good-bye, Peter.”
She held on to the phone and then she heard the soft click as he disconnected. For several minutes she sat staring into space until she collected her thoughts. She didn’t doubt his word. Peter would rehire Sondra Reacher and never contact Sunshine again.
After a while she sighed and reached for her novel.
Friday afternoon, Sunshine met her sister at Portland’s Waterfront Hotel. The invitation to lunch was unexpected, although she could guess the reason. Ellie was sure to plead her case in regard to Beth and Sam. The very idea of her daughter dating a blue-collar guy was abhorrent to her sister.
They met in the lobby. Ellie wore a deep blue St. John knit suit and her hair, as always, was perfectly styled.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me,” she greeted Sunshine stiffly.
Sunshine nodded. “Of course. You’re my sister.”
Ellie hesitated, as though the response had shaken her.
“I thought we’d eat here,” Ellie said. “I made a reservation and asked for a private table.”
Sunshine followed her sister into the restaurant and they were seated right away. They each ordered Caesar salads with grilled chicken for lunch. After the waiter left, Sunshine said, “I heard from Peter yesterday.”
Ellie’s eyes shot to her. “Peter Hamlin?”
“Yes. It’s been over thirty years since we last spoke and then twice within a week.”
“Peter was in town for a conference,” she explained, “and Beth arranged for us to meet. It was a shock to us both.” It wasn’t necessary to tell her how badly their dinner had gone.
“Beth would do anything for you.” Her sister’s words were weighed down with sadness and loss as if the love the two shared had robbed her of her daughter.
“She loves you, too,” Sunshine reminded her.
Her sister slowly nodded, as though she wasn’t completely convinced that was true. “Peter’s one of Chicago’s most successful attorneys. He’s been in the news several times with high-profile cases he’s won.”
“So I understand.” Sunshine didn’t mention how miserable and bitter he was. No need for Ellie to know that.
Her sister straightened and looked uncomfortable.
Over the last few days, Sunshine had done a lot of thinking about the past and the role her sister had played in her relationship with Peter.
Ellie spoke first. “I think it’s time you and I settled this awkwardness between us … I want you to know how dreadfully sorry I am for what happened between Peter and me. I won’t make any excuses … I thought I loved him, thought we would be perfect together. It wasn’t long after you left that we both realized it would never work. He blamed me for ruining his relationship with you, and you … you were justifiably angry with me. It was easier for me to get angry back rather than own up to my role in everything.”
Sunshine was stunned speechless. Her sister had apologized. She couldn’t believe it. “Ellie, I forgave you a long time ago.”
“I know,” she whispered. “It’s taken me this long to forgive myself.”
“Oh Ellie.”
Something had happened. She didn’t know what. The woman sitting across from her wasn’t the same woman she’d shared dinner with the night before. There was a complete turnaround in less than twenty-four hours.
“I lost my sister because of what I did.” Ellie paid an inordinate amount of attention to the napkin in her lap, smoothing it out with her hand, keeping her head lowered. “And I hurt a good man.”
Sunshine leaned forward and teasingly asked, “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?”
A smile cracked Ellie’s tight features. When the waiter delivered their salads, her sister looked grateful for the interruption.
“Phillip and I are going through a bit of a rough patch,” Ellie admitted with some reluctance, as if it caused her physical pain to say the words. “We’ve had some heated discussions these last few months. I don’t mind telling you I’m lost without Beth. My days are empty. I hardly know what to do with myself.”
Her sister’s honesty was out of character. All Sunshine felt capable of doing was listening. And an attentive ear was all Ellie really needed.
“Ellie …”
“No, please, let me get this out. What Peter and I did to you … There’s no way I can undo the damage. If I could turn back the clock I would. You … you have a wonderful life. Your paintings are magnificent and you’re this huge success … and I have no one.”
“You have a sister.”
Tears welled in Ellie’s eyes. “Do I really, Sunshine?”
“Yes, of course. You always have, and the truth is I need my sister, too.”
Ellie gestured with her hand as if she didn’t know what to say. When she spoke, her voice trembled. “I’m afraid I’ve lost Beth and my marriage is hanging on by a thread. I feel like I’ve been cast adrift without a life raft.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the linen napkin. “I have no one else.” Tears rained down her cheeks and she sniffled in an effort to hold them back. “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe I’m admitting this.”
Sunshine couldn’t believe it, either. She didn’t know it was possible to heal her relationship with her sister.
Ellie took a moment to compose herself, squaring her shoulders, straightening. “I expect I’ve ruined my makeup.”
“You always look perfect. You got the looks in the family.”
“Perhaps, but you got the talent.”
Sunshine smiled but then grew serious. “You haven’t lost Beth. She needs her mother.”
“I need my daughter, but this man she’s seeing. Surely you can see how impossible the two of them are together.”
“As a matter of fact, I can’t. Sam is good for Beth. Whatever happens in this relationship is up to them. I will tell you that if you push it, you’ll only drive them closer together and your daughter further away.”
“He loves her,” Ellie admitted. “Even I could see that.”
“And she feels strongly about him, too.”