Hold on Tight
Page 28I stood in that living room waiting for sobs, or something to give me an excuse to burst into her room and hold her. There was nothing but silence. She wanted time alone. I would give her that. But this wasn’t over. It was the beginning. She just had to see that.
Six years ago . . .
DEWAYNE
“Slow down, man. You gotta calm the hell down. You can’t kill her. You’ll do life, dude. She’s a kid. A dumbass one, but still, she’s a kid.” Preston’s words were falling on deaf ears. I didn’t give a f**k. If Kimmy Bart had aborted my brother’s baby, I was going to f**king murder her with my own hands.
“Get your ass to the Alpha frat house,” Preston said into the phone. “Dewayne’s going after Kimmy, and word is she’s here. I can’t hold him back.” I knew I had about five minutes before Rock got here. Because if someone was going to stop me, Rock was the only person I knew who had the strength. I had a slut to find.
I’d lost my brother, and Sienna was just f**king gone. Vanished. And now this shit. I had reached my breaking point, and I didn’t give a f**k anymore. Bring on prison. This was all my fault anyway. Fighting with a drunk sixteen-year-old boy had been stupid. He was a kid, and I had threatened him while he was drunk—with the one thing I knew he didn’t want to lose. Sienna.
All of this could have been avoided if I’d just walked out of that house and dealt with him when he was sober. Maybe he had been ready to let Sienna go. If he’d been sober and made that decision, then I’d have let him. If he didn’t know how lucky he was, then he didn’t deserve her. But he didn’t have to die over it. That was all me. Fucking me.
“Kimmy’s slept with most of the basketball team. Hell, I’ve slept with her, I think. That could have been anyone’s kid. We don’t know it was Dustin’s. Just because she was claiming it was his don’t make it his,” Preston said.
I knew this. But I also knew I’d seen my brother f**king her bare. Chances were good that baby had been his. All that was left of my brother, and she’d murdered it. She deserved to die too.
“What if she wasn’t even pregnant? Ever thought of that? She was jealous of Sienna. Dustin wouldn’t break up with her. He loved Sienna. He just wanted to f**k Kimmy. Girls do that shit when they’re desperate. She could have been lying. Don’t do life because of a lying teenage girl.”
I wanted to blame someone, someone other than me, because the pain and regret were too much. If Kimmy had aborted Dustin’s baby, then I could lay all this hate and blame on her. She would deserve it. And I needed to be free of it. I just wanted to take a deep breath again. I wanted to be able to look my parents in the face and not feel like a bastard for being the reason sorrow filled their eyes.
So much pain.
“Where’s Kimmy?” I heard Preston ask some guy who stumbled outside.
“Don’t know,” he slurred.
“Go find her and tell her to hide her sorry ass before Dewayne finds her.”
Preston was determined to stop me any way he could. I’d find her, though. I was running out of time before Rock showed up, but I would find her. If not tonight, another night.
“Shouldn’t have let you drink so much damn whiskey. Always makes you mean,” Preston said, still right beside me. He wasn’t helping. All his yakking.
“Find Kimmy Bart and tell her to f**king run and hide,” Preston called out to him.
Dumbass wasn’t helping.
“I’ll find her. Keep it up. I’ll find her and she’ll pay,” I swore.
“Don’t doubt it. I just hope Rock gets here first,” Preston replied.
I put both hands on the double doors to the frat house and shoved them open, then stalked inside.
Kimmy came walking down the stairs, looking right at me. Her hair was stringy, and her clothes were wrinkled like she’d just pulled them back on quickly. What the f**k had my brother seen in her?
“You looking for me?” she asked, then stumbled a step and giggled before grabbing the rail. She was f**ked up.
“Save yourself and go hide your stupid ass,” Preston yelled, purposely drawing attention to the situation.
“Not scared of a Falco. You just tame ’em with pu**y,” she said, then leered at me. As if I’d even touch that nasty shit.
“Not going anywhere near your nasty snatch,” I said, disgust dripping from my voice.
She snarled at me. “What, not as good as sweet little Sienna Roy? You’re as bad as him. Can’t-do-no-wrong Sienna. Screw that. The bitch sucked at f**king. Dustin hated sex with her. He just did it ’cause she wanted it. But she was awful at it. He came to get the good stuff from me,” Kimmy spat angrily.
“I think I just threw up in my mouth,” Preston said beside me, and several guys laughed.
“Was that baby Dustin’s?” I asked. I didn’t want to hear her talk about Sienna again. She wasn’t worthy of saying Sienna’s name.
She threw up her arms. “He’s the only one I f**ked bare, and he was the only one I had f**ked in months. He and I were going to be an item soon. He just had to get rid of Sienna first.”
He was never planning on getting rid of Sienna. He’d killed himself trying to get to her before I could.
“And you killed his baby,” I said, needing to hear her admit it.
That was all I needed to know. I took two steps toward her as the blood roared in my veins. Then arms that could only belong to Rock wrapped around mine and hauled me back against his chest. “Not gonna let you do this,” he said in my ear. “You’re gonna sleep this shit off, and then you’re getting counseling. She’s high as a f**king kite. Do you think she would have stopped that while she was pregnant? I can answer that. No! She wouldn’t have. That baby didn’t stand a chance. It would have been born an addict if it had even been born at all.”
I glared at her. I hated her. I hated everything she stood for. But he was right. She’d have killed the baby one way or another. She was trash. My brother had made mistakes, and a girl willing to meet his every sexual whim had been his downfall.
“Let’s get the f**k outta here,” Preston said.
“You gonna walk out of here, or am I gonna have to haul you out? We can fight right here, but I’m sober and I’m gonna win. I won’t let you throw your life away over revenge. You have your parents to think about. They need you.”
My parents.
I was all they had. Me. The son without the golden halo. The screwup. Me. That was all they had left.
Present Day . . .
SIENNA
Had I always known? I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the wall. Even back then Dustin had been weird when Kimmy was around. And she’d always hated me. I knew she went to the parties he went to. I always thought if they ever did anything, Kimmy would make sure the world knew. But maybe they all knew and no one told me. Because Dustin was their god. They kept his secret.
But why keep it a secret? Why not just break up with me? If he was sleeping with Kimmy and wanted her, then why was he staying with me? Had it always been a friendship between us? Was there ever love between us? Because it certainly wasn’t what I felt for Dewayne.
Dewayne.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the pain started again. He had lied to me. I’d trusted him and he’d lied to me. Did everyone lie? Was that the way life was? I couldn’t trust anyone but myself.
Dewayne had made me happy. He wanted me, but would I be enough for him? I wasn’t enough for his brother. It was possible I wouldn’t be enough for anyone. There had to be something wrong with me.
My parents had walked away from me. They’d betrayed me. Dustin had betrayed me in the worst way. And now Dewayne had kept it from me. I expected it of the others, but what hurt the most was Dewayne not telling me.
I wanted to be more important to him than Dustin was. That was selfish and wrong, but it was true. I wanted to be the most important thing to him, because other than Micah, I had been willing to put Dewayne before everyone else. He hadn’t felt the same. He had protected his brother’s memory. He hadn’t wanted me to know the truth about Dustin.
Not to mention all those letters my mother kept away from the Falcos because of this. She didn’t want me to be another girl Dustin Falco had left knocked up. In a twisted way I understood her logic. But I had made that decision and, unlike Kimmy, I had been Dustin’s girlfriend. Not his secret f**k buddy. It made more sense that I was the one pregnant.
Did she ever wonder? Did she care? Or was Dustin Falco and every memory of him a part of her past she rarely thought about? I would remember Dustin every day of my life. My son was my reminder. And I was thankful for it. Even if my memories were tainted. Even if I hadn’t been enough for Dustin and he had never really loved me. I had loved him. Maybe not real love, but a pure, young love. And I loved our son. Enough for both of us.
There was a knock on the front door, and I knew Dewayne was here with Micah. I had to pull it together and spend time with Micah until his bedtime. Standing up, I walked to the front door and opened it. Without saying anything, I reached for my son, pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tightly. The feel of his little heart beating was like a balm. He was here. He was my world. I had him. Thanks to Dustin Falco, I had this precious boy.
“I missed you too, Momma,” Micah said as he patted my back with his little hands.
I eased my hold on him and pressed a kiss to his head before standing back up. “Go on inside and clean your room. You left it a mess this morning. We’ll play Monopoly when you’re done,” I told him.
He beamed up at me, and I realized it wasn’t his father’s smile. It was his smile. His own unique smile. One that was a mixture of Dustin and me. He was part of me. I was a good person too. I had good qualities. Things I hoped Micah got from me.
“Sienna,” Dewayne said, and I looked up at him, wishing I didn’t have to do this. I wasn’t ready to face him yet.
“You lied to me. You protected your brother’s memory. I understand that, but I also understand that you chose protecting his memory over me. I need more than that. I need to know I can trust the man I’m with. That he’ll never betray me. Maybe that man doesn’t exist, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine. I’m good alone. But I can’t do this with you.”
Dewayne’s face went pale, and the desire to wrap my arms around him and comfort him was strong. But I wouldn’t. Today I would protect me. I would comfort me. It was time.
“I was protecting you. If you’d let me explain. You’ll see it was you all along.”
No. I wasn’t listening to any more. I knew the truth now.
“Leave, Dewayne. You’re welcome to visit Micah. He needs you. But for a while it’s best you do that at your parents’.”
Then I closed the door and locked it.
Micah ran back into the living room and frowned. “Where’s Uncle Dewayne? Is he not playing Monopoly too?”
No, he wasn’t playing Monopoly. That dream was over.
“Just me and you, Ace. But we’re a good team, right?”