Hold on Tight

“You’re a smart girl, Sienna. Use that brain of yours and make a life that kid you were determined to have deserves. Let the past be the past.” And with that, Aunt Cathy hung up the phone.

I wasn’t surprised. Not really. She’d always been that way. Not once had she cooed over or cuddled Micah. She had treated us as if she was our warden, and now I realized that was really all she ever had been. But I’d been so desperate for someone to love us that I’d accepted whatever she was willing to give.

I looked out the window at the Falcos’ across the street. They loved us. More important, they loved Micah. Maybe it was time I called my mother. I had to forgive her and forget the past. If she wanted to see Micah, who was I to keep her from him? He loved having family. He deserved it.

A knock on the bedroom door stopped me from calling her. I put the phone down, walked over, and opened it up to Dewayne holding a sleeping Micah.

“You want to change him before you put him in bed?” he asked in a whisper.

I nodded. “Take him to his room and lay him on the bed. I’ll take it from there.”

Dewayne did as instructed. I followed him to Micah’s room, and then he stepped out while I took my time changing Micah into his pajamas. I kept waiting for the sound of the front door closing, but it wasn’t happening. Which meant Dewayne was waiting on me. When I couldn’t do anything else, I tucked Micah in and slipped quietly from his room.

Dewayne was standing in the living room with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the pictures of Micah and me I had lining the mantel. One was from the day he learned to take his first steps. Another was from his third birthday. The last one was taken the day I graduated from beauty school.

“You were just a kid here,” he said, picking up the photo of me and Micah when he’d taken his first steps.

“I was almost eighteen,” I said. But I had been a kid.

“You look so proud of him. You don’t look tired or bitter. Just happy.”

“I was happy. My baby boy was walking, and I was the only person he would walk to. He was trying to follow me around the house. That’s how he started walking. Crawling wasn’t fast enough.”

Dewayne set it back down. “Do you have extras? I’d like photos of him and you. My mom and dad would too.”

I had taken so many photos and sent them with the missing letters. I’d also been keeping a scrapbook for my parents up until he was three and I realized they were never going to reach out and get to know Micah. So I’d stopped making it. But I still had it.

“I have a scrapbook of his first three years that y’all can have. I can get you copies of photos from the past two years to add to it.”

Dewayne smiled. “That would be great. I want to see him as he grows. I want to see you with him. I love watching the way he looks at you. It says a lot about you and what kind of mother you are. That kid thinks you can do no wrong. He tells my mom and dad all about the things you’ve taken him to do and the things you cook that he loves. I think Momma may love you more than she loves me these days.”

He grinned when he said it. That was the only reason I knew he was kidding. I didn’t want to make him feel like I was trying to walk into his life and change it. I just wanted Micah to get to be a part of his life. Micah already loved him.

“Your mother loves you,” I said, assuring him.

He chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, she does. Don’t know why.”

Because you’re lovable and kind. Because you make everyone around you smile. Because you have a really big heart. I remember you taking the time to make a scared little fourteen-year-old girl feel safe in high school. I didn’t say any of those things, though. I couldn’t. Not now. Not after last night.

“You’re blushing. You thinking about last night?” he said with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

I covered my warm cheeks with my hands, hating my tendency to blush.

“It’s okay. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it either.”

Oh my. The silly flip my heart always did around him turned into a wild flutter.

“Problem is, I got to stop thinking about it. You do too. We can’t go there. We have Micah to think about, and I don’t do relationships, Sienna. It’s not me. I’m my own man. I don’t like to be tied down. I don’t even want to think of settling down. Being the man you deserve. It’s not me. You need the settling-down type. You need a Cam Dodge in your life. Not me. Us,” he said, motioning his hand between the two of us, “we’re friends. Hell, we’re family. That boy in there is what’s important, and we both love him. Let’s not mess up what he needs with something that won’t end well.”

The fluttering stopped. It sank to my stomach and made a tight, painful knot. He was making sure I got that he wasn’t interested in something with me. Just some phone sex and he was ready to move on. That hurt way more than the “average” comment he’d said he hadn’t meant.

“You understand, right? It ain’t that you aren’t gorgeous. You’ll make a man a really lucky sonuvabitch one day. I’m just not the man you settle down with. I’m the bad boy girls sew their wild oats with. But I’ll be the best damn uncle in the world. And if you need anything, you come to me. I’ll take care of it. Always.”

He would do anything for me because of Micah. That was it. If it weren’t for Micah, he wouldn’t care that I was back. That I existed. I was a young single mom with a job that got me by from week to week. I didn’t have a lot to offer someone. I got that. But hearing Dewayne say I wasn’t enough hit me hard. Really hard.

I just nodded. I couldn’t speak.

He smiled, walked over, and pressed a kiss to my forehead like I was a kid. Then he turned and left.

I stood there for a long time. Letting it all sink in. Tomorrow I would move on. Tomorrow I would find a way to forget Dewayne Falco. But right now I wasn’t ready.

DEWAYNE

By Thursday I had stayed away from Sienna’s for a week. I had texted Sienna and told her to take Micah to my parents’ Saturday morning, that I would pick him up there. I had spent the day with him, then left him with my parents minutes before Sienna got back, using my job as an excuse for running off.

I was trying to give myself time to forget how much I wanted her. She had been so accepting of my reasons for not being able to be with her that it had been painful. I wasn’t sure what I had wanted her to do. Argue with me? Maybe. Maybe I wanted a reason to kiss her lips again. Touch her in places I’d dreamed about. Fuck. Who was I kidding? I loved being near her. Watching her move. She had this way about her. Even when she was doing something simple, I was completely fascinated by her.

She had listened to my reasons and then nodded. That was it. Nothing else. So I’d run out of there and hadn’t been back. I couldn’t face her. Because I was pretty damn sure I’d grab her and kiss her until we both forgot what a bad idea that all was.

I took a drink of my Coke and fought the urge to light up a cigarette. Not drinking or smoking was f**king kicking my ass. When I had turned down a beer and ordered a Coke, Rock had looked at me like I’d lost my mind. He didn’t understand. He had never laid a hand on Trisha that wasn’t a hand she wanted there.

“Preston’s alone. That’s odd,” Rock said as he took a drink of his cold, foamy beer. I was lusting over his drink. Shit.

The pretty boy in our group pulled out a stool and sat down with a grin. He was engaged and happy about it. Real happy. He was always smiling. Asshole.

“Where’s Manda?” Rock asked.

“She finally shake you loose?” I asked.

Preston shot me an annoyed glare. “No. She’s coming. She’s bringing a friend,” he said, then grinned again.

“Stop smiling so damn much. Hurts my eyes,” I grumbled, and took another drink of my Coke.

“Ignore him. That Coke he is drinking is straight-up Coke. Nothing added. He’s sober and surly,” Rock explained.

Preston’s eyebrows shot up about the same time Rose Mann walked up beside me, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and gave me a good view down her shirt. I’d known Rose since high school. We all had. She’d moved into town when we were sophomores, and she immediately made the cheerleading squad. I’d f**ked her back then, but only once. Hadn’t touched her since.

Still, she had aged well. Still had perky tits and a head of brown curls. “Hello, Rose,” I said, sliding my arm around her waist and pulling her closer.

“Hello to you, Falco,” she purred, and pressed against me. She then moved her gaze over to Preston. “You leave the fiancée behind tonight?”

Preston shook his head. “Don’t let her too far out of my sight. She’s headed this way soon.”

Rose rolled her eyes, then glanced over at Rock. “And where’s your little missus?”

“Be careful, Rose. We both know his little missus will take your ass out if you attempt to flirt with her man. You know better than to get near what belongs to Trisha.”

The whole table laughed but Rose. Back in high school Rose had made a play for Rock after Preston had f**ked her and tossed her aside. Trisha had slammed her against the lockers, broken several of her nails, and taken out a handful of her hair. No one messed with Rock after that.

“Whatever,” Rose said, then laid her hand on my chest. “I’m here for you, anyway,” she informed me. I was trying to decide if I wanted to give this a go tonight or not. I needed to do something to get Sienna out of my head. Rose was hot, but she was also a little crazy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to mess with crazy.

“There’s my girl,” Preston said. I swung my eyes over to see Amanda, and they collided with Sienna. Who was looking at Rose. Shit.

“Hey, Sienna. Glad you could make it,” Preston said, getting up to pull out a stool for Sienna right beside me. “We won’t make you sit on Dewayne’s lap, seeing as it’s already full of Rose. You can have a stool. It’s more comfortable anyway.” I watched as Sienna tore her gaze from Rose and forced a smile for Preston. Then she looked at me. She was on the verge of bolting. I could see it. Preston had known who Amanda was bringing and he hadn’t told me. I was going to kick his ass.

“It’s okay. If they start doing gross shit at the table, Rock will make them take it outside,” Preston told her, then smirked at me. Dipshit.

Sienna walked over to the stool beside me like she was walking the plank. Slow and unsure.

“Who’s this?” Rose asked, leaning over me and wrapping her arm around me possessively, which pissed me off. She was trying to mark her territory, like she had any. I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the evening with her or not. I hadn’t made up my mind yet.

“Sienna, this is Rose Mann,” Amanda piped up in a sweet tone that she didn’t mean. “She was older than us in school. She would have been . . . a senior your freshman year, I think.” The comment about Rose being older had been a jab, but coming from sweet Amanda, who was in the safety of Preston Drake’s arms, she was untouchable, and she knew it.

Sienna smiled at Rose. “I didn’t know many people in school. I kind of blended in to the crowd.” That was Sienna’s way of saying she didn’t know who Rose was. But it was also bullshit. Sienna had never blended into anything.

“Sienna Roy? You were Dustin’s girlfriend,” Rose said, recognizing the name.

Sienna nodded and forced a smile, then turned away from me and looked at the band onstage. Jackdown wasn’t up there yet. They didn’t take the stage for another hour. A new band from Mississippi was playing right now.

“I thought you lost your mind and they shipped you off to a loony house.”

Sienna flinched, and her shoulders went stiff. That was it. She’d come in here with Amanda, and I was pretty damn sure this was something she hadn’t done in a long time. Rose wasn’t going to ruin it for her. Even if having Rose in my lap kept my hands off Sienna.