Hit the Wall

CHAPTER 2

Jackson

I’d never been happier for Christmas break in my life. Going to college in my hometown meant I could always do a quick laundry run or grab a home-cooked meal at my house. It also meant that breaks didn’t seem so special since it was just a short drive home, but this time was different. I needed some space to come to terms with what I’d lost. Hell, what I had basically thrown away due to my own damn stupidity if I was being completely honest with myself.

I’d always assumed that there would be plenty of time for Lex and me to become a couple. It never fucking crossed my mind that she’d find someone else before I’d realized she was ready for a relationship again. She’d spent two years commuting to and from class while living at home with her dad, barely hitting the school’s social scene unless Aubrey had dragged her to something.

So what had I done with that time while she had been healing? I’m a guy—I’d enjoyed myself while she hadn’t been around. She wasn’t my girlfriend yet, so I’d figured I would sow my wild oats before I tied myself to Lex. And I’d had a lot of oats to sow. I’d enjoyed myself, playing the field and pretty much trying anything and everything. It never ceased to amaze me what girls were willing to do to grab a guy’s attention. I wanted to get it out of my system so that I could be a good husband and father like my dad. I’d worked damn hard at it too, blowing my way through a lot of chicks on campus while waiting for Lex to come around.

Then Lex’s dad convinced her that she needed to get the full college experience, and she moved into the dorm with my sister. I knew it was the first step and made sure I stopped messing around because I didn’t want my escapades to blow back on her. And I sure as hell didn’t want Lex to think I was with some other girl when she was ready to date again.

I thought that I had it all planned out. I knew that my sister would make it easy for me, and I was right. When she asked me if they could come to the first frat party of the school year, I jumped at the chance to hang out with Lex. I knew she wouldn’t be very excited about a frat party, so I decided to steal her away to my room to watch movies, letting her think that I was rescuing her when I really just wanted her all to myself before my frat brothers got too close of a look at her.

I guess I wasn’t fast enough since Drake saw her when we went to grab one last beer before heading upstairs. Even in the middle of his argument with Sasha, I knew he had noticed her, and I made sure he thought she was mine already. And I sure as shit didn’t introduce the two of them after I’d seen her checking him out. I let Lex think whatever she wanted when she wondered why I hadn’t introduced them to each other, half hoping she’d assume he was a douche and stay away from him. What I hadn’t counted on was Drake’s booking a flight with her dad and her going along as co-pilot. Or his deciding to chase after her hard once he’d realized that she wasn’t my girl. And certainly not her falling for him so hard and fast that the next time I saw her she was already out of my reach.

I wanted to blame Drake, but it was my own damn fault that I hadn’t moved faster. I’d wasted time on girls whose names I didn’t even remember the next morning instead of making it clear to Lex that I wanted her for my own. I wanted to be pissed at Lex for falling for Drake, but how could I when she was so disgustingly happy? She looked at him in a way that she never had me, and I needed to deal with the fact that she’d only ever seen me as her big brother. And that was what this break was going to be all about for me—taking time to adjust to a future without her in it as anything other than my friend and unofficial part of the family.

I pulled my truck into the driveway and was happy to see that I’d beat Aubrey home. She was bummed that Lex wasn’t going to be around much this break and didn’t understand why I wasn’t pissed that our holiday traditions were going to change now that Lex was going to be out of town with Drake’s family. I figured that she knew something was up with how I’d looked at Lex and how I’d reacted to her and Drake, but she sure as shit wasn’t going to bring it up to me. And there was no way in hell I was going to talk to my little sister about this. She would freak out at the idea that she could have had Lex as her sister-in-law. Then she’d be totally bummed that it wasn’t going to happen before finally swinging back to being thrilled that Lex was so happy with Drake.

I walked into the house, happy to have a little bit of time to myself, but then I saw my dad waiting inside. I knew he was going to have questions about how I felt about Lex and Drake, but I wasn't sure that I was ready to answer them. I loved my dad. Don't get me wrong. But I hadn't come to terms with how I was gonna handle everything later. I wasn't ready to answer questions yet.