Hit the Wall

Fuck yeah, I had thought about what would come next for Kaylie and me, but I hadn’t factored her getting her dream job offer that far away from home into the equation. “I guess if that happens then I have some serious thinking to do, Aubrey. Because I’m not ready for this thing to end between us even if she ends up a thousand miles away.”

CHAPTER 15

Kaylie

Time today flew by, and before I knew it, the showcase was about to begin. There had been a last-minute issue with my costume so I hadn’t had time to go out front to make sure Jackson made it here okay and found his seat. This was the first time I’d danced in front of Jackson on stage, and I wanted him to enjoy it. Knowing that he would be in the audience cheering me on helped calm my nerves each time I thought about the fact that there would be others out there who were here to judge my every step. I learned this afternoon that my aunt would be here, so I already knew there would be at least one person out there who would find fault with my dancing. So I tried to focus my thoughts on dancing for Jackson and not worrying about what anyone else would think.

Jackson: Good luck tonite!

Kaylie: Thx :) C u soon.

I couldn’t help but chuckle when I realized it was Jackson who’d just sent me a text. He had the most amazing sense of timing. It was almost like he had a sixth sense when it came to me, calling or texting when I was thinking about him. Although it might not be saying too much since I thought about him almost constantly, I couldn’t count how many times I’d grabbed my phone to dial his number only to pick up a call from him instead. It was kind of eerie sometimes. Almost like we had some ESP thing going on between us. Which made it very difficult to keep things from him like I was with my dancing.

It hadn’t started out that way on purpose. I hadn’t realized that Jackson wouldn’t know that I wanted to dance professionally. I mean, I was a dance major for a reason. But he wasn’t really familiar with the dance world except from his sister’s perspective. I really adored Aubrey, but dancing was just a hobby for her. So his perspective on dance was a little skewed by that. Not that dancing for fun wasn’t awesome, because it was. I just wasn’t ready to give up on my dream of dancing professionally yet.

I needed this dream to define me. It was what I’d held on to ever since my parents died. My mom was a huge dreamer, too. I hoped to be like her and never stop chasing my dreams. There’s nothing more magical than when you catch one and hold it in your hand, even if just for a moment. And this was the performance that would determine the rest of my life as a dancer. If I was going to be able to catch this dream or not. And I hadn’t been ready to share all of that with Jackson because I was scared to death that being so happy with him was going to make me rethink this dream when I wasn’t ready to do that yet.

Talking to him about my hopes and fears would have just made them more real. So for once, I just went with the flow and pushed all my concerns aside to focus on today instead of worrying about what would happen tomorrow. It was only now that I thought about how that might make Jackson feel if I did get an offer and had to explain to him that I’d known there was a chance this would happen. And I felt like a total bitch for not talking to him sooner. I didn’t know how I would be able to make this right or if I even could. Because now, if I did actually get an offer, it would affect him too. I couldn’t pretend that it wouldn’t any longer. The moment of truth was here, and it was entirely possible that I had let my fear of being abandoned create a situation where Jackson would have every right to walk away from me. And it would be my own damn fault.

But I couldn’t focus on that right now. I needed to go out there and dance like I’d never danced before. Less than an hour of acting like an ostrich with its head in the sand and pretending that nothing could go wrong was totally doable. It had to be because the only alternative was failure. And with my aunt out there ready to tell me ‘I told you so’ about my decision to attend Blythe, I wasn’t ready to admit defeat.

“Kaylie, you’re on in ten minutes,” one of the stage hands yelled to me across the dressing room.

I moved to do one more round of stretches, warming my muscles up so I’d be ready to go when it was my turn. As I stretched, I visualized the choreography in my mind, picturing myself moving through each step flawlessly. It was a trick one of my dance coaches had told me about years ago that worked really well for me.

Before long, they were announcing my name. I took one deep, cleansing breath to clear my head and moved towards the stage, waiting for the first beat of my music to begin. I heard my cue and moved onto the stage for what ended up being the fastest three and a half minutes of my life.