Hit the Wall

“I hope you didn’t have to try too hard or have a reason to want me out of your head.”

“No, I really didn’t,” he responded.

“Jackson, what’s wrong?” I asked, a little worried by how serious he seemed.

“I was worried about you.”

“You were?” I was surprised by his response. Sure, we hadn’t seen each other since this morning, but last night had been awesome and everything had seemed okay when he dropped me off at my dorm this morning.

“Yeah. I didn’t realize the girls were going to drop by the bar tonight.”

“I didn’t either, but I’d suggested it to your sister a while back because I thought she and Char would really hit it off,” I explained.

“It was nice of you to invite Aubrey out, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about Lex tagging along with her tonight.”

And there it was—time for a difficult conversation. I pulled away from him and moved across the cab of the truck to my seat.

“Yeah, that was a shocker to me, too. And I can’t say it was a nice one at first because it was pretty awkward for me. Could we maybe go somewhere to talk instead of doing this here in the parking lot?”

Jackson heaved a deep sigh and nodded his head. “Of course we can.”

We were both silent during the drive back to campus. Jackson headed straight to the frat house once we got there and parked on the street. He hopped out and came over to open my door for me. Now I was starting to freak out a little because he still had the same worried look on his face. I reached for his hand to squeeze it, needing a little reassurance as we entered the house and went straight up to his room.

I kicked off my shoes, took my coat off, and sat down cross-legged on the end of his bed. Jackson closed and locked the door before he joined me on the bed. He looked down at his hands as I waited for him to say something, anything. My heart dropped to my stomach, fearing that this was going to be really bad. The thought of going from the best night of my relationship with him to possibly the worst within twenty-four hours was a little terrifying.

Jackson finally looked up and started to talk. “I know you’ve heard stuff about my feelings for Lex. Hell, you were there when Sasha accused me of avoiding relationships because I was in love with her. Yet in all the time we’ve been dating, you haven’t asked me about it.”

Since he paused, I took the opportunity to explain. “At first I wondered a little. I’d heard the rumors on campus, and of course I heard everything Sasha had to say when you were fighting. And I was a bit concerned since it seemed pretty damning that you stopped sleeping around when Lex got serious with Drake. But I guess at first I wasn’t sure what exactly was going to happen with us so I didn’t say anything.”

“But it is something that’s been bothering you?”

“I wouldn’t say bother exactly. Yeah, it’s crossed my mind from time to time, but there’s nothing you’ve done since we’ve been together to make me think you’re pining over her or anything like that,” I answered.

“Fuck. The last thing I want to do is have to explain this to you because it’s so damn embarrassing, but you need to know that’s not what’s going on here.”

“Embarrassing?” I asked, not understanding but relieved to hear that this wasn’t going to be the horrible news I’d thought it might be on the way over.

He ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated gesture. “Some shit went down in her life, and I felt responsible in a way. Things got all confused in my head, and I thought I loved her.”

I didn’t know what to think. His explanation wasn’t making things any clearer, and it sure wasn’t comforting to hear that he used to think he was in love with Lex.

“How can you be wrong about something like that?”

“If you’d asked me that question a couple months ago, I’d have told you there was no fucking way I was wrong about being in love with Lex. Then I watched her fall for Drake, and it stung a bit, but I just wanted her to be happy. During Christmas break, my dad pointed out that, as much as they love Lex, he didn’t think we’d end up together. At first I was pissed, but then he pointed out a few things that make more sense now that I met you. I’m not the world’s most patient guy, right?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been pretty patient with me, Jackson.”

He huffed out a little laugh at that. “Kaylie, I asked you out to dinner pretty much right away and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I didn’t wait long to kiss you or warn other guys off you. Maybe I was able to hold out a little while before we had sex, but it sure as shit wasn’t without making any moves on you, and I thought about it constantly.”