His Hour

"I would certainly caress."

He moved from his position and walked across the room, while he talked

as though the words burst from him.

"Yes, I should demand unquestioning surrender, and if it were refused

me, then I might be cruel. And if my love were cold or capricious,

then I would leave her. But if she loved me truly--my God, it would

be bliss."

"Think how it would hurt her when you did those foolish things though,"

Tamara said.

He stopped short in his restless walk.

"No one does foolish things when he is happy, Madame. All such

outbursts are the froth of a soul in its seething. But if one were

satisfied--" he paused, and then he went on again. "Oh! If you knew!--

In the desert in Egypt I used to think I had found rest, sometimes. I

am sated with this life here. A quoi bon, Madame!--the same thing year

after year!--and then since I have known you. I have wondered if

perhaps you in your country could teach me peace."

"So many of you are so déséquilibrés," Tamara said. "You seem to be so

polished and sensible and even great, and then in a moment you are off

at a tangent, displaying that want of discipline that we at home would

not permit in a child."

"Yes it is true."

"It seems that you love, and must have, or you hate and must kill.

There are storms and passions, and the gaiety of children and their

irresponsibility, and all on the top is good manners and smiles, but

underneath--I have a feeling I know not what volcano may burst."

"Tonight I feel one could flame with me." He came up close now and

looked into her eyes, as if he were going to say something, and then he

restrained himself.

Tamara did not move, she looked at him gravely.

"You all seem as if you had no aim," she said. "You are not interested

in the politics of your country. You don't seem to do anything but kill

time--Why?"

"Our country!" he said, and he flung himself into a seat near. "It

would be difficult to make you understand about that. In the old days

of the serfs, it was all very well. One could be a good landlord and

father to them all, but now----" Then he got up restlessly and paced

the room. "Now there are so many questions. If one would think it would

drive one mad, but I am a soldier, Madame, so I do not permit myself to

speculate at all."