Healed

I’d lost everything today: my mom, Lexi, my self-respect. I could still see the shock in Lexi’s eyes as I had told her about Anna. She had been so hurt. I wanted to tell her it meant nothing to me. That Anna had been nothing. And that she had made my heart soar with love and lust with just a touch of her lips against mine. The feel of her skin had sent a fever up my spine, that hadn’t been quenched with our mating. I longed to touch her, to feel her, to consume her. I wanted her right now. I needed her here on the riverbank, to be with me, to love me, to heal me.

I froze as I saw a deer run out to go and drink some water. He paused as he saw me and our eyes connected. There was a passing of some deeper emotion that slowed between us and it was as if we were communicating subconsciously. I willed him to come over to me. But, as I took a small step closer, he ran away from me. I laughed as he ran. Even the deer knew that I was the scum of the earth.

I sat back on the grass and looked at my phone to see the time. I had three missed calls: one from my dad, one from Lexi and, surprisingly, one from Anna. I hadn’t expected Anna to call me. I suppose she was upset that I had told Lexi what had happened. Another selfish act I suppose.

I put my phone away without calling any of them back. It still hadn’t quite hit me that my mom was dead. I couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t see her smiling face again. She wouldn’t be coming up to my room to tell me that dinner was ready. She wouldn’t be sending my care packages. And I wouldn’t be helping her to move out, to finally live her life, away from my conniving dad.

I had wanted her to win so badly, to defeat him—to make him look like a fool to the whole town. And now that would never happen. She’d never get to meet my kids, or to gush at my wedding. I’d never see her again. The tears ran from my face and I tried to stop them. I was a man. I shouldn’t be crying this much.

My phone started ringing again and I grabbed it from my pocket to see who was calling. I was so shocked to see Luke’s name that I answered it.

“Hello?” I kept my voice low so he couldn’t hear the emotion.

“Is that you, Bryce?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry about your mom.”

“Thanks.” I wanted to tell him to shut up but I was too tired.

“I know you think my words are baseless but they’re not. I knew your mom quite well. I saw her at the hospital a lot.”

“At the hospital?” I frowned. “Why was she at the hospital?”

“Sorry, I thought you knew. She volunteered there, in the kid’s ward.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, she and I both had a special bond with Shelby.”

“That’s nice.” My heart dropped as I thought about the little girl with cancer. I didn’t want to think about another girl dying.

“We both took an interest in Shelby because she’s an orphan, you see.”

“That’s sad.” I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted to get off the phone. “But why did you call?”

“I guess you wouldn’t call her an orphan per se,” he continued. “Her parents are alive, but she was given up.”

“Man, that sucks,” I sighed.

“She’s been at the orphanage since she was born. Once families find out she has cancer, they don’t want to adopt her.”

“That’s shitty.”

“But we think she’s in remission now.”

“That’s great,” I said, truly happy to hear some good news. “That’s really great.”

“Your mom was going to try and adopt her.”

“What?” I sat upright and my hand grasped the phone tighter.

“She was waiting to do it after she left your dad. She hadn’t told Shelby yet, but she had discussed it with me.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I frowned. “I didn’t even know she volunteered.”

“She started coming to the hospital when you joined the marines. She said she felt like God would protect you if she spent time with other children. She worried about you so much.”

“I didn’t know.” Why hadn’t she told me?

“She was going to adopt Shelby?” My voice held disbelief.

“I don’t know how to say this, Bryce, but Shelby is your sister.”

I dropped the phone onto the ground and tried to picture the little girl’s face. There had been something so familiar about her. “I want to see her.”

“You can come with me tomorrow if you want.”

“Yes. I want to come.” I paused. “How do you know I’m her brother?”

Luke sighed before speaking. “I replaced the orphanage’s computers and software a few years ago. That put me in contact with a lot of personal information.”

“So you know about my dad and Lexi’s mom?”

“Yes.” His voice was clipped.

“But she doesn’t know.” It was a statement and not a question.

“I wanted her to tell me about the affair when she was ready.”

“But Shelby’s her sister as well.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell her,” he sighed. “She doesn’t even know that I know.”

“Are we going to tell her?” I didn’t know if I could drop another bomb on her.

“Shelby would love to get to know you both. She’s a wonderful young girl.”

“So you know my sister better than I do.” It felt weird saying the word sister. “She’s going to be okay now, right?” I knew it was selfish of me but I didn’t know if I could handle getting to know her, only for her to die.

“She’s okay now, Bryce. She’s in remission,” Luke sighed. “She’s a survivor, Bryce. She’s a good kid. She needs a brother to love her.”

“You’ve loved her like a brother though, haven’t you?”

“I love her.” His words were firm and wistful. “Your mom loved her as well. And Shelby loved your mom.”

“I’m glad.” I smiled, a big, wide, true smile. “I’m glad she had someone in her life who made her happy.”

“She was a good woman. Everyone in town loved her.” Luke paused. “She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, Bryce. It’s not your fault. Just like Eddie’s death wasn’t your fault.”

“You’re a good guy, Luke,” I sighed. “Thanks. I’ll meet you tomorrow at the hospital?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you there around noon.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I jumped up, suddenly feeling alive. I had a sister. A little sister. It didn’t feel quite real. She could have been my daughter. I laughed at the irony. Maybe I’d have a kid soon. Maybe I could convince Lexi to forgive me and we could start a family. And I’d be a better man. I’d be a stand-up guy. A family guy. I’d spend the rest of my life atoning for my sins. I’d be the guy my mom wanted me to be.

First, Lexi and I could get married. We could get housing at Notre Dame and I could get a degree, maybe I’d become a teacher. Or maybe I could go to theology school. Spend my life in service to God. And then, when we graduated, we could start a family. And buy a house. We’d be a real family. I knew that Lexi would like that. We’d be happy. I would spend the rest of my life showing her how much she meant to me. I had messed up with Anna, but I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. I would prove to her that I was a good man. That the guy she had loved in high school was the real me and not a figment of her imagination. I could be that guy. I could grow up. I could be the man she wanted me to be, that I needed to be.

I grabbed my phone to call her. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to hold her. I needed somebody right now. I knew she wouldn’t mind if I held her in my arms and cried. I just needed to be with someone. I needed to feel complete. I needed it more than I needed oxygen to breathe.

Chapter 5

Lexi

My phone battery died as I rounded the corner. But I didn’t care. I didn’t want to talk on the phone. I needed to see his face and talk to him in person. I finally arrived and parked my car next to his. This was it, then. I took a deep breath and shook my hands out.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey.” I looked up and saw him standing in front of me. “I didn’t even see you there.”

“I guess you need to pay more attention to your surroundings, then.” He laughed and I breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was normal. As I had thought it would be. As I had known in my heart it would be.

“Yeah, I don’t want any scary bears coming after me.”

“Especially not if you’ve eaten any honey lately.”

“Or chocolate.”

“Or salt and vinegar chips.”

“Or McDonalds fries.”

“Or Whopper Jrs., without the pickles.”

“And added cheese.”

“Oh yes, we can’t forget the added cheese.” He grinned and I pulled him close to me. I saw the surprise in his eyes and I grinned back at him and leaned in and kissed him. His lips were sweet and firm, and I felt a slight shock run through me as our lips met. He pulled back from me slightly with an awe-struck look on his face.

“Wow, Lexi. Just wow.”

“What did you think?” I asked, shyly.

“I think that’s the kiss I’ve been waiting for my whole life.” Luke shook his head as if he couldn’t quite believe what had happened. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“I think right now you should be quiet.” I put my finger to his lips. “I want to talk to you.”

“I won’t say no to that.” He bit the tip of my finger and I squealed.

“Luke!”

“Sorry.” He laughed, looking like he wasn’t sorry at all.

“Where should we go to talk?”

“We can go to my room…”

“Are your parents home?” I made a face.

“No. They went to Minneapolis to visit my aunt.”

“Then let’s go to your room.” I grabbed his hand and we walked into his house.

“Do you want anything to drink or eat?”

“Luke! No,” I laughed. “Please. I just need to talk to you.”

“Okay okay.” He grinned and we ran up the stairs. I jumped onto his bed and lay down as soon as we walked in and he lay down next to me. “So, you wanted to tell me something?”

I rolled over and looked at his earnest and trusting eyes and I was reminded of how I nearly lost this wonderful man. “I did.” I took a deep breath and Luke leaned in and kissed me. This time he was the aggressor and his tongue plunged into my mouth, tantalizing me with its strokes. I felt warmness in my belly and pressed myself closer to him, wanting to feel him closer to me. I reached my hands up to his head and ran my fingers through it, loving the feel of him on my fingertips.

Luke groaned and pulled away from me. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m glad you did,” I sighed.

“But don’t you want to talk to me first?”

“I guess,” I moaned and licked my lips. Luke’s eyes fell to my lips and I could see a tremble in his throat.

“Don’t lick your lips if you want me to keep my hands off of you.”

“Who says I want you to keep your hands off of me?”

“I want to hear what you came to say.” Luke’s voice was low and I think I saw a flush rising up from his neck. Luke was nervous. I grabbed his hands and I held them close to my heart.

“Luke. When I was in school I took a philosophy class. And in that class we all discussed a story.”

“Okay.” He looked confused. Maybe because he knew I didn’t really like philosophy.

“Basically, this story talked about this village. It was the happiest village in the world. Everyone who lived there was happy and rich and everything in their life was perfect. The only problem was, for everyone to be happy, there was one young boy tied up in a cellar at the edge of the town. He was trapped in a little basement and tied with chains. He only had water to drink and dry bread to eat and his life was miserable. And he had to stay locked up. Because, if he was let loose, the village would become normal. Meaning that there would be misery, anger and poverty. So, for the sake of the village, that one kid had to suffer.”

“That’s horrible.” Luke frowned.

“It is horrible,” I agreed. “Anyways, in class we all discussed what we thought should happen, should they let him loose, should he stay tied up?”

“He should be let loose.”

“I agree.” I smiled at him, briefly. “No one should be sacrificed so that someone else can be happy.”

“Good.” He looked at me curiously. “Why did you tell me this story?” He cocked his head and laughed. “You’re not about to tell me that you would be that boy for me, are you?”

I gazed into his eyes and a single tear rolled down my cheek. “No. But you would be that boy for me. You’ve already been that boy for me.”

“I’m not…” He shook his head and I reached over and kept it still. I leaned towards him and stared into his eyes.

“Luke, you have put my feelings before you in everything that you have ever done. And I always took you for granted. I nearly lost you. I hope I haven’t lost you.” I stared into his eyes, searching for an answer and he shook his head silently.

“You know, in fairytales, there is one great love for the princess. Her Prince Charming is always the one and they ride off into the sunset and her old life is left behind. But what they don’t tell you is that the Prince isn’t always the one. Sometimes it’s the faithful farm boy who’s always been by her side, through thick and thin. Sometimes a princess doesn’t need a prince.”