Healed

“Oh? You guys are going to meet up?”

“Yeah. After I leave here.”

“Huh, okay.” He looked unhappy and my heart went out to him. What a horrible situation for us all to be in.

“Shall we go and see Shelby again?”

“I’m afraid the doctor has asked if we wait until another day to give her the news. He doesn’t want to overwhelm her.”

“Sure that makes sense.” I tried to hide my disappointment. I had wanted Shelby to know now. I had wanted her to know she had a family. A brother who was here to love and spoil her.

“You should decide what you’re going to tell your dad, if you decide to make this public.” Luke’s voice was low and I could see the concern on his face. He was right. I hadn’t even thought about what my dad would say if it got out that I was spending time with my little sister. Everyone would know what a fake he was then. I frowned while thinking. I couldn’t let it get out about Shelby or my dad would do whatever it took to discredit me and keep us apart.

“Luke, I’m going to ask you to keep this quiet.”

“What?”

“If my dad finds out about Shelby, he’s going to ship her off somewhere as fast as he can. He is not going to want this to get out.”

“I can see that. I won’t tell anyone.”

“We can’t tell Lexi either.”

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that, Bryce.” Luke rubbed his temple. “I think Lexi has a right to know.”

“Of course she does, but not right now.” I looked at him earnestly. “We can’t let her know right now. It could spoil everything.”

“Spoil what?”

“I have a plan.” I spoke slowly, my mind racing a hundred miles a minute. “But I’m not going to tell you. I have to work on this by myself. I just need some time.”

“I don’t know, Bryce.”

“Please, Luke. Please do this for me. You’ve kept it a secret from Lexi for this long already, what’s another few weeks?”

“But this is different now.”

“What’s different?” I lean in towards him. “What’s different now, Luke?”

He turned his face away from me and sighed. “It’s not my place to say anything.”

“Good.” I nodded my head.

“I didn’t mean about Shelby…” His voice faded and he shook his head. “Okay, Bryce, I’ll keep my mouth shut for now. For you and for your mother.”

“Thanks.” I reached over and shook his hand. “You’re a good guy, Luke.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“No. I’ve got to see a man about a dog. But I’ll call you when I have some news.”

“Okay. Well have a good time with Lexi.” His voice sounded distraught and I ignored the urge to pull him close to me.

“I … I will.” I frowned and turned away, already disgusted with the lie. “See-ya.” I looked at my watch and decided to make a quick trip into town before I went to go and see Anna. There was someone I needed to speak to urgently. I had to make a visit to Mr. Raynor. He was my mom’s lawyer, the one who was filing for her divorce. I only hoped that he still had the paperwork I needed to see.

Chapter 7

Lexi

“Should I call him?” I played with my hair as Luke sat next to me on the bed.

“No, I wouldn’t call him now.” He kissed my neck and I snuggled into him, breathing in his cologne and manly essence.

“I do want him to know I’m here for him, you know.” I sighed. “Where did you say you saw him again?”

“At the store. He was getting something to eat.”

“And he told you he was on his way to meet me?”

“Yeah, something like that.” He sighed. “He’s obviously not in a good place right now.”

“Maybe I should go and visit him. Explain that I still care about him.”

“You may just hurt him even more, Lexi.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” I sighed. “I just don’t want him to grieve alone.”

“I don’t know if you can just be his friend at this point, Lexi. He is convinced it is a lot more than that.”

“I thought it was,” I moaned. “I thought we were meant to be. I made a mistake.”

“You can’t tell him that now.”

“Maybe he would understand. He knows I never really knew him. My crush was just a fantasy that built and built. I allowed it to go too far.”

“Lexi, you know I love you. But this is not the time to tell a guy whose mother has just died that your love for him was a figment of your imagination.”

“You don’t think I should be honest?”

“I think you should just let it go for now.” His hand reached under my tee shirt and he started nibbling on my lips. “His heart has just been broken. Don’t break it again.”

“Oh Luke.” I grabbed his head and looked into his eyes. “How did I get so lucky to get you?”

“Your mom bought the right house.”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “She did something right.”

“You know Lexi, love isn’t always what we expect it to be.” Luke pulled away from me and he ran his fingers over my eyebrows, smoothly them down gently. “Sometimes love is knowing when to let something go, or knowing when to keep something to oneself.”

“But lies never help.”

“Give him some time, Lexi. He has a lot going on.”

“Since when have you been on his side?”

“I’m not taking sides. I’m just saying that maybe everything is too black and white for you. That rarely works in life. You don’t just love one person and hate another. You don’t just fall in love in a day and you don’t fall in love in one day either. Emotions are complicated. The truth is complicated. Sometimes that grey area is where things need to be.”

“I don’t want to be in that grey area. Not anymore.”

“Lexi, last week you were overjoyed that Bryce was back in town and was inviting you to his party. Last night you were in my bed, telling me how much you love me. Forgive me when I say this, my dear, but you are the grey area.”

I pulled away from him and jumped out of the bed, hurt. “How could you say that to me Luke? Do you think I’m some sort of slut?”

He sighed deeply and stood up. “I’m not saying that, Lexi. I know you inside and out. I love who you are. But everything’s going so fast in your mind. In fact, I don’t even know what’s going on in your mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday I told you I loved you and you panicked. The next thing I know you’re in my bed, telling me you love me too. I want to know what caused the change.”

“I realized that I loved you,” I mumbled, upset.

“How?”

“A butterfly told me.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” I pulled on my pants and I pushed past him. “I can’t believe we’re doing this now.”

“Why, Lexi?” He grabbed a hold of my arm. “Why can’t we have this conversation? How did you go from Bryce being the love your life to me in less than a week?”

“Do you want me to be with Bryce, Luke?” I turned around and shouted. “Is that what you want? He cheated on me, Luke, do you want me to be with a cheater?”

“If he hadn’t cheated on you, would you be here right now, Lexi?” His tone was soft, silky, and smooth. It was only his eyes that belied the importance of this question to him.

“I don’t know,” I whispered softly. “I don’t know.”

“So there you have it,” he laughed roughly. “I’m really your second best.”

“No Luke, you’re not. You don’t understand,” I cried out, trying to get him to understand. “Yes, I thought I loved Bryce. I’ve been infatuated with him since high school but I don’t really know him. I was in love with a dream. You are the guy for me, Luke. You are better than my dreams. I just didn’t realize it.”

“But you realize it now Bryce cheated on you?”

“Yes. No. I mean, that’s not what I mean. His cheating made me really examine my feelings and what I wanted out of life. Who I wanted.”

“Forgive me, Lexi, but it still makes me feel like second best.”

“You told me you weren’t upset,” I shouted at him. “You told me you didn’t care that I had slept with Bryce.”

“It’s not about you f**king him, Lexi. It’s about us. Why can’t there be an explanation for an us that doesn’t involve him?”

“Luke, please.” I felt the tears running down my face, and my breath came in little spurts. These are the ugly sort of tears, the ones that give you splotchy marks and weird breathing. The kind that you don’t want others to see.

“What do you want me to say, Lexi?” He shook his head. “I can’t make your guilt and your pain go away. And neither can Bryce. None of us can fix you, Lexi. We can cover a hole, but eventually that cover is going to fall off. You have to fix yourself.”

“I don’t need fixing!” I screamed. “I’m perfectly fine.” I fell to his bed, sobbing into the sheets.

“No, Lexi. No you’re not.” He sat next to me and rubbed my back. “Maybe that’s why you and Bryce were both drawn to each other. You both have scars deeper than the eyes sight. But you’re going about it wrong. No one else can heal those scars, Lexi, only you can.”

I turned around slowly then and looked at him through tear-drenched eyes. “That’s where you’re wrong, Luke. Love can heal all scars.”

“That’s a fairytale, Lexi. Why can’t you grow up? Love can’t fix everything. No one is perfect.”

“No one is perfect, Luke but I’m not looking for perfection. I love you because of everything you are. Who you are. I’ve always loved you. It just took a kick in the head to show me.”

“Lexi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He looked worried and I leaned over and kissed him.

“You don’t get it, do you, Luke? You’re not the problem. You will never be the problem.” I laughed through my tears. “Though that may not always be true. I’ve got some issues. I know that. I’ve never really gotten over some things related to my dad, but I don’t need to hide in my daydreams any more. You’re the most honest, wonderful human being I’ve ever met in my life and you are always here for me. You say love can’t fix everything, but I’m here to tell you that that’s not true. Your love has healed me. It has helped me to be confident and true to myself. My journey’s not over. No, it’s just beginning. But I am confident that I can complete it because I have you in my life.”

“You must really love me.” He half smiled and I hit him in the arm.

“You’re a goof, Luke Bryan.”

“Do you love me enough to watch ‘Madea Goes to Jail’ right now?”

“Are you joking me?” I laugh. “You are the only white guy, no scratch that, the only guy in the world who wants to watch Madea.”

“She’s funny,” he laughs. “And if you pay attention, she has a lot of good wisdom.”

“I’m not getting my wisdom from a man dressed as a woman.”

“But you will from a butterfly?” He cocked his head and I pushed him onto the bed before slowly getting on top of him.

“I’ll have you know that butterflies say the most incredible things.”

“Like?”

“Well,” I grinned at him and unbuckled his jeans. “I can’t do two things at once.”

“Lexi, you know that I’m always here for you right? You don’t have to ever hide anything from me.”

“I know and I feel the same.” I pulled his pants down and I see that he is ready for what I have planned.

“I want you to know that I understand if there are things you can’t tell me.” He gasped as I pulled his boxers down and took him in my hands.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” He grunts and lies back, allowing me to pleasure him in a way I had never known I would enjoy so much before.

***

Sex makes you sleepy. I know, I know, that’s something I should have known from the movies or something. But as I stretched and reached out for Luke, I realized that he wasn’t in the bed. I heard him whispering and I lay still, trying to hear what he was saying.

“Hey, yeah I saw Bryce at the hospital,” he sighed. “I see. Yeah, I thought he might be trying to plan something like that. You didn’t tell him anything, did you?” I saw him peak around the room and I closed my eyes quickly. “I don’t want anyone to know. I can’t do that, you know that. I think you should move forward. Okay. I’ll come to see you next week.” He hung up the phone quickly as my mind was scrambling. Why had he said that he had seen Bryce at the hospital? I thought he had seen him at a café or shop? Why would he lie to me?

I felt my heart beating fast and I turned over as I felt him get into bed with me. He curled up next to me and I felt his arm come around my waist to fondle my breast. He moved up against me and spooned me and my body betrayed me by pushing back into him. I lay in his arms, wondering if I truly knew who he was. Who had he been talking to?

I must have fallen asleep again, because I woke up a few hours later to the sounds of the TV.