Hard to Love You

With everything that has been going on these last few months I decided to take the fall semester off. There was just no way I couldn’t concentrate.

Logan and I speak only when we need to; he no longer fixes me a plate at dinner or gets my coffee ready in the mornings. We never talked about the night he brought that girl home, the night we had our silent little fight. I guess we really didn’t need to. It’s awkward living with Logan now.

Ryder’s first birthday is this weekend so I’m going home. I was kind of hoping Cole would pick me up since I haven’t talk with him much lately but he’s on the road with the band and wasn’t in town this weekend, so Jaylinn is coming to pick me up again.

I finish packing a bag and stuff a few extra outfits in there, just in case. Jaylinn arrives just before noon; I’m in the middle of paying some bills online so she comes in for a few minutes. When I finish there is another bag packed and sitting next to the one I’ve already done. I eye Jaylinn.

“Just in case.” She shrugs and picks up the bags.

“Jay,”

“I’ve got soccer practice that starts this week so you might need to stay a few extra days.” She says.

I roll my eyes, “I have work and you know you’re gonna make sure I get home. You always do.”

Jaylinn smiles and walks out of the room.

I make Jaylinn stop at the drug store before we go to MacKenzie’s, I need to pick up a card because I had forgotten one when I picked up Ryder’s gift. Jaylinn offers to go in with me but I tell her to stretch her legs out and I’d be right back. I don’t want her to see what else I have to pick up. I’m not ready for anyone to see it.

I get everything I need and head to MacKenzie’s house. We are all sitting around chatting and catching up. Everything is normal, like I still live here in Jersey, the jokes still go around and it’s fun times. Mason is watching me like a hawk and it makes me uncomfortable but I put on my game face and ignore him. All the boys, including Ryder and Alex leave to go and get pizza for dinner so it’s only me, Jaylinn, MacKenzie and Chloe. I break out into a sweat thinking about what’s in my bag upstairs.

“What’s going on with you?” Chloe asks.

“Huh?”

MacKenzie narrows her eyes at me. “You’re glowing. What’s up?”

I look everywhere but at them. They are going to know the second I do. “Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jaylinn tucks her legs under her, “Did you meet a guy?”

I shake my head.

MacKenzie starts laughing and playfully hits Jaylinn in the arm. “It’s Mason.”

Chloe rolls her eyes, “Of course it’s Mason.”

I nod.

MacKenzie stops laughing suddenly and her mouth falls open. I flush, cheeks burning hot. I bite my lower lip waiting to see if she says what I think she’s about to.

Jaylinn’s eyes are bouncing back and forth between MacKenzie and me.

“Oh shit.” Chloe says softly.

“What?” Jaylinn questions, “What the hell is going on?”

I stand up and walk to the kitchen, suddenly feeling very thirsty. I turn my back away from the girls gawking at me.

I hear a bunch of shuffling and footsteps and suddenly all three pairs of wide eyes are staring at me, jaws dropped to the floor.

“You’re pregnant!” All three girls yell at once.

I take a drink of water from my glass. I don’t answer because I’m scared shitless. I don’t know if they are excited, upset, disappointed or what.

“Hails,” MacKenzie starts, “Look at me.”

I meet her eyes. “You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You haven’t taken a test?” Chloe asks.

“No.” My heart rate speeds up.

“But you got one earlier at the store. That’s why you made me stop?” Jaylinn speaks up.

“Yeah.”

“You. Now. Upstairs.” MacKenzie orders.

The alarm beeps, signaling that a door has opened. My eyes go wide. Jaylinn pushes MacKenzie and me upstairs. “Go. Chloe and I’ve got this.”

MacKenzie waddles her pregnant little ass upstairs and I follow behind. We walk into the guest bedroom and MacKenzie stands near the door. “Grab it and let’s go to my bathroom.”

I grab the test and follow her. MacKenzie shuts the door behind us and I go into the bathroom. My whole body starts to shake. I feel like I’m about to throw up.

MacKenzie comes in and shuts the bathroom door. “Take a couple of deep breaths.” I turn to her soothing voice. “It’s going to be okay, Hails. Why haven’t you called me about this?”

Breathe in, breathe out. “Because I was stupid. I didn’t even think about Mason not using a condom until one night I woke up and realized I never got my period.”

MacKenzie smiles, “You know this changes everything right?”

Breathe in, breathe out. My nerves are still going crazy but I feel a little calmer. “I know. I haven’t talked to him since his birthday weekend, Kenzie. I have no idea what he’s been up to. Is he seeing someone? Does he hate me? All these questions are running through my head.”

“Well,” MacKenzie perches herself on the side of the tub. “If you didn’t forbid me to talk about him then you would have known.” I fumble around with the bag that holds the pregnancy test. “Hailey.” I look over at her. “He’s not seeing anyone and he hasn’t done for a long time. Mason could never, ever hate you. He has been working on his house when he isn’t on the road. He’s waiting for you Hailey.”

Tears burn my eyes. I swallow hard.

“He loves you, Hailey. I think he loves you more now than he did before.”

“You’re damn right I do.” Startled at the voice, I jump and spin around.

The room grows quiet; you could hear a pin drop. The bag in my hand feels like a ticking time bomb. Mason takes a step closer to me and without apology plants his lips on mine. My heart stops completely, I stop breathing. Mason cups my face with his hands and tears fall from my closed eyes. I grip his shirt with one of my hands and hold on for dear life. I don’t ever want to be apart from this man again.

Mason places another kiss on my lips, more gently this time, and wipes the tears away with his thumbs. “I love you Hailey, don’t ever doubt that. You’ve always held a special place in my heart and always will.”