Hard to Love You

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with me and Hailey? We’re over, Jay.” I say as my voice cracks.

“Oh Masey, it has everything to do with you.” Jaylinn kisses my cheek and then goes to seek out Cooper.

I reach over to the end table and turn off the light. It’s so dark; I can’t even see my hand in front of my face. This is how I lie until my brain finally shuts down and I fall into a dreamless sleep.

Cooper, Jaylinn and I decide to take our bikes over to our parent’s house today. I drag my feet all day until I can’t put it off any longer, Mom has already called looking for us.

“Masey!” Jaylinn yells from the front door. “Let’s go.”

I slip my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans, pick up my keys from the kitchen table and lock up the house. Jaylinn is wrapped around Cooper, both waiting on me. I slide my helmet on and fasten the strap under my chin, then I straddle my bike and start it up. This is one Sunday dinner I’m not looking forward to, even if Mom is cooking chicken cacciatore.

We pull into the driveway, turn off the bikes and I undo the strap under my chin. I climb off the bike and take a few steps to the house. The front door swings open and MacKenzie comes charging at me.

“What did you do, Mason?” MacKenzie yells at me. “You ran my best friend out of town!”

Out of town? What?

“What do you mean out of town?” I question her.

Hunter comes out of the house next and takes Ryder from MacKenzie’s arms. She doesn’t protest because now she is shoving me and pounding on my chest.

“She left, Mason.” MacKenzie cries. “I want my best friend back and I want my brother to fix this shit. You promised, Mase.”

I pull her into my arms and hold her until the fight starts to leave her. When I look around it’s just the two of us out here. Everything is so f**ked up. Everything I touch, look at, put my hands on, goes to shit.

I drop my arms around MacKenzie. “I didn’t know that she left, Kenzie. I swear. Where did she go?”

MacKenzie glares at me. She has her arms crossed over her chest. “Why do you care? You are one of the reasons she left and her bitch of a sister is the other.”

“Tara? What did she do?”

MacKenzie huffs, “She got pregnant and is moving in with her mom, that’s what she did.”

Damn. That reason alone would have Hailey living in her car if she had to. “Shit.” I run both my hands through my hair. “Where did she go?”

“To Benny’s. Six hours away. I can’t very well go and see her any time I’d like now. You did this.” MacKenzie walks and sits down on the front steps.

I take a seat next to her. “I was working on Hailey. I went over to your house on Sunday and things were kind of back to normal. Cooper and Jaylinn came over too; it was just like old times.” I look down the sidewalk. “Then she ran into Lily and Brittany at Walgreens and they fed her some bullshit that I have been cheating on her for a while. Hailey believed them. She destroyed all my stuff and then texted me that we needed to talk. I showed up at the house and saw everything that she did.” I clasp my hands together, in front of me. “I was pissed that she believed them without even talking to me first and then I saw the destruction she’d caused and I lost it. I stormed out and met some of the guys from the team at the bar and then …” My stomach knots at the thought of what I did to Hailey and me.

“Then what, Mason?” MacKenzie questions.

“I got really drunk and blacked out. When I woke up the next morning Lily was in my bed.” I skip the details of being na**d because I know she’ll think the worst anyway.

“You stupid ass**le! How could you Mason?” MacKenzie seethes.

I don’t look over at her to see the rage in her eyes, the hurt. “I f**ked up, Kenzie, I know.”

MacKenzie stands up and tries to shove me off the step before she turns to walk up to the house. “You’re damn right you did.” She says over her shoulder.

I sit out on the front steps, not really in the mood to enjoy family times. I don’t think I deserve to be in there, laughing and carrying on. Jackson and Chloe pull up a short while later. Chloe reaches in and unbuckles Alex from his seat while Jackson grabs their bags.

Alex comes up to me and holds his hand out for a high five. I slap his hand and he laughs. Chloe kisses my cheek and takes Alex’s hand, helping him up the steps.

“Everything ok, Little Brother?” Jackson asks as he follows his wife up the stairs.

I just nod and they walk past me and into the house.

I need to get out of here. I stand, reach into my pockets for my keys and walk over to my bike. I put the keys in the ignition, slip my helmet on, fasten it and then climb on; starting it up quickly and head back home. It was a bad idea to think I could come over here. No one coddles me because they know I don’t want it and I’ll only wind up saying shit to hurt them so they leave me alone. I’m bad company.

Saturday night rolls around and I get the call I was dreading the most. MacKenzie.

I check all my emotions and smile when I answer the phone, “Hello.”

“Hails! I miss you!” MacKenzie yells in the phone.

I laugh, “Miss you too! Did you get your freak on in Atlantis?”

MacKenzie groans and I laugh harder, “Leave it to you to get right to the point.”

“No point beating around the bush. That is unless you like that type of thing.” I say between my fits of laughter.

MacKenzie starts cracking up. “Come over.”

I stop laughing. I hold my breath because I know what’s coming next. I don’t want to do this over the phone but since I left I have no choice.

“Hailey?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

“Hailey?”

“Yeah?”

“Come over.”

I take a deep breath. “I can’t.” I feel the sting in my eyes because I want nothing more than to run to my best friend’s house and into her waiting arms.

MacKenzie sighs loudly, “You ran didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

I spend the next hour telling MacKenzie everything that has unfolded in the last seven days. We cry together on the phone and she promises a visit next weekend, no matter what.

25

The seven stages of a breakup: Stage Five – The Turn

My life is finally starting to feel as if it’s getting back to normal. Things are calmer here and I’m not as angry as I was months ago. I feel like I’m ready to get back into the swing of things. Granted I haven’t spent much time outside the four walls of my new bedroom. Zeke helped me set up my room so the only time I ever have to leave is to go to the bathroom or eat.